Lurker's life story

[Ripple]

I've been lurking in and out of this group for a couple of years.
This is my first post. This is another "life story" post. I need to
get it all out.

Its been three days since my last drink. Which isn't unusual for me,
but its really tough this week.

Up until about two years ago I used to drink every day. I did this
for 10 years. Usually a six pack or a bottle of wine. When I
"partied" it wasn't unusual for me to kill a case of beer in a day.
Most of the people I associated with were heavy drinkers as well.
About a year ago I though that I'd get my drinking under "control".
So with some considerable effort I stopped drinking during the week
(for the most part) and started going to the gym.

I've lied to lots of people about my drinking over the years but I'm
being truthful about drinking very little during the week (Monday
through Friday afternoon). However, the sober days during the week
were tolerable because I knew the weekend would come eventually.

The 4 to 5 trips to the gym during the week were basically additional
justification for my weekend "reward".

On the weekends I drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On
Saturday and Sunday it isn't unusual for me to open that first beer at
10:00 AM. I'd plow through at least case of beer (or two) over the
weekend (I'm not a big person). I found that I would be irritable and
shaky early into the following week. I've noticed for a long time
that my hobbies have been ignored, my house neglected, and my sober
friends are gone. I often drive impaired but by some miracle I've
never gotten pulled over and I've never had and accident. This is a
*real* miracle (and really stupid).

Then last week came along. I took a week's vacation. I had big plans
to get all kinds of things accomplished. You guessed it. All I
accomplished was a big pile of empty beer cans. Most nights I have no
memory of going to bed and the mornings were always bad. But I'd do
it again and again and again.

So, in short, I've lied to myself (again). My drinking isn't under
control. Not drinking during the week and going to the gym doesn't
mean I'm doing any better than before. In some ways its worse because
I've fooled myself so well over the past year.

I've also lied to myself time and time again saying "that's it, I'm
done, the line in the sand, I'm not drinking anymore". It works until
Friday night. Sometimes I get past that but Saturday always gets me.

I've reached the point where I have to do something. I can't stand
being controlled by a chemical. I quit cigarettes ten years ago for
the same reason but alcohol has its grip on me. So I'm drawing
another line in the sand and I'm giving it an honest try.

The difference this time is:

I've told my wife I'm going to stop. She's a drinker too but not
nearly to the extent I drink. I've told my (major) drinking buddies
about my plan. They laughed. Great friends. I'm contacting an old
(sober) friend who has been in AA for a decade to help get me past my
AA apprehension. I've contacted my doctor (who has always seen
through my lies) to see if he can help (without medication).

I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.

Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.

Ripple

[Shawster]

">
> I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
> which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.

Sure there is, you get to stay sober. that is a great reward. There is a
lot going on, on the weekends, try to keep distracted. Hang out with your
friend, go to some meetings, go to the movies, whatever it takes.
>
> Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.

Yeah, if you go to a meeting, see if you can find another binge drinker to
relate to.

Best wishes to you.

Shaw

[rosie readandpost]

welcome out of lurkdom, and WELL DONE!
you are about to start the most WONDERFUL journey of your life!
what's that? your nervous? WE ALL WERE!
what's that? you wonder if you can make it through to the weekend?
ONE DAY AT A TIME, you can!

do i sound like i am simplifying it too much?
grab onto your friend from AA, get to meetings, and give this "recovery thing" a try............................IT
WORKS!

congrats to you ripple!

--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

the mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief
in injustice and tragedy. what the caterpillar calls
the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
......................................r. bach




"Ripple" <therisingsun91@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:b2da4424.0307020523.15374d4c@posting.google.c om...
> I've been lurking in and out of this group for a couple of years.
> This is my first post. This is another "life story" post. I need to
> get it all out.
>
> Its been three days since my last drink. Which isn't unusual for me,
> but its really tough this week.
>
> Up until about two years ago I used to drink every day. I did this
> for 10 years. Usually a six pack or a bottle of wine. When I
> "partied" it wasn't unusual for me to kill a case of beer in a day.
> Most of the people I associated with were heavy drinkers as well.
> About a year ago I though that I'd get my drinking under "control".
> So with some considerable effort I stopped drinking during the week
> (for the most part) and started going to the gym.
>
> I've lied to lots of people about my drinking over the years but I'm
> being truthful about drinking very little during the week (Monday
> through Friday afternoon). However, the sober days during the week
> were tolerable because I knew the weekend would come eventually.
>
> The 4 to 5 trips to the gym during the week were basically additional
> justification for my weekend "reward".
>
> On the weekends I drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On
> Saturday and Sunday it isn't unusual for me to open that first beer at
> 10:00 AM. I'd plow through at least case of beer (or two) over the
> weekend (I'm not a big person). I found that I would be irritable and
> shaky early into the following week. I've noticed for a long time
> that my hobbies have been ignored, my house neglected, and my sober
> friends are gone. I often drive impaired but by some miracle I've
> never gotten pulled over and I've never had and accident. This is a
> *real* miracle (and really stupid).
>
> Then last week came along. I took a week's vacation. I had big plans
> to get all kinds of things accomplished. You guessed it. All I
> accomplished was a big pile of empty beer cans. Most nights I have no
> memory of going to bed and the mornings were always bad. But I'd do
> it again and again and again.
>
> So, in short, I've lied to myself (again). My drinking isn't under
> control. Not drinking during the week and going to the gym doesn't
> mean I'm doing any better than before. In some ways its worse because
> I've fooled myself so well over the past year.
>
> I've also lied to myself time and time again saying "that's it, I'm
> done, the line in the sand, I'm not drinking anymore". It works until
> Friday night. Sometimes I get past that but Saturday always gets me.
>
> I've reached the point where I have to do something. I can't stand
> being controlled by a chemical. I quit cigarettes ten years ago for
> the same reason but alcohol has its grip on me. So I'm drawing
> another line in the sand and I'm giving it an honest try.
>
> The difference this time is:
>
> I've told my wife I'm going to stop. She's a drinker too but not
> nearly to the extent I drink. I've told my (major) drinking buddies
> about my plan. They laughed. Great friends. I'm contacting an old
> (sober) friend who has been in AA for a decade to help get me past my
> AA apprehension. I've contacted my doctor (who has always seen
> through my lies) to see if he can help (without medication).
>
> I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
> which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.
>
> Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.
>
> Ripple

[Gail]

Ripple wrote:
> I've been lurking in and out of this group for a couple of years.
> This is my first post. This is another "life story" post. I need to
> get it all out.
>
> Its been three days since my last drink. Which isn't unusual for me,
> but its really tough this week.
>
> Up until about two years ago I used to drink every day. I did this
> for 10 years. Usually a six pack or a bottle of wine. When I
> "partied" it wasn't unusual for me to kill a case of beer in a day.
> Most of the people I associated with were heavy drinkers as well.
> About a year ago I though that I'd get my drinking under "control".
> So with some considerable effort I stopped drinking during the week
> (for the most part) and started going to the gym.
>
> I've lied to lots of people about my drinking over the years but I'm
> being truthful about drinking very little during the week (Monday
> through Friday afternoon). However, the sober days during the week
> were tolerable because I knew the weekend would come eventually.
>
> The 4 to 5 trips to the gym during the week were basically additional
> justification for my weekend "reward".
>
> On the weekends I drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On
> Saturday and Sunday it isn't unusual for me to open that first beer at
> 10:00 AM. I'd plow through at least case of beer (or two) over the
> weekend (I'm not a big person). I found that I would be irritable and
> shaky early into the following week. I've noticed for a long time
> that my hobbies have been ignored, my house neglected, and my sober
> friends are gone. I often drive impaired but by some miracle I've
> never gotten pulled over and I've never had and accident. This is a
> *real* miracle (and really stupid).
>
> Then last week came along. I took a week's vacation. I had big plans
> to get all kinds of things accomplished. You guessed it. All I
> accomplished was a big pile of empty beer cans. Most nights I have no
> memory of going to bed and the mornings were always bad. But I'd do
> it again and again and again.
>
> So, in short, I've lied to myself (again). My drinking isn't under
> control. Not drinking during the week and going to the gym doesn't
> mean I'm doing any better than before. In some ways its worse because
> I've fooled myself so well over the past year.
>
> I've also lied to myself time and time again saying "that's it, I'm
> done, the line in the sand, I'm not drinking anymore". It works until
> Friday night. Sometimes I get past that but Saturday always gets me.
>
> I've reached the point where I have to do something. I can't stand
> being controlled by a chemical. I quit cigarettes ten years ago for
> the same reason but alcohol has its grip on me. So I'm drawing
> another line in the sand and I'm giving it an honest try.
>
> The difference this time is:
>
> I've told my wife I'm going to stop. She's a drinker too but not
> nearly to the extent I drink. I've told my (major) drinking buddies
> about my plan. They laughed. Great friends. I'm contacting an old
> (sober) friend who has been in AA for a decade to help get me past my
> AA apprehension. I've contacted my doctor (who has always seen
> through my lies) to see if he can help (without medication).
>
> I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
> which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.
>
> Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.
>
> Ripple

Gosh Ripple, I thought I was reading my story until you mentioned wife. I am
female. :)
Appears you know what you have to do and you are recognizing you have a
problem. Won't tell you that it will be easy as I am sure you already know
that.
Good idea contacting the AA friend. Keep us posted!
All the best,
Gail

[Steve C.]

Welcome!

Remember if you want to live, quit ALL your substance abuse. Suffer for a
little while... and the be FREE for the rest of your life!!!

Hard work at first but worth it.

Aloha nui loa,
Steve C.

"Ripple" <therisingsun91@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:b2da4424.0307020523.15374d4c@posting.google.c om...
> I've been lurking in and out of this group for a couple of years.
> This is my first post. This is another "life story" post. I need to
> get it all out.
>
> Its been three days since my last drink. Which isn't unusual for me,
> but its really tough this week.
>
> Up until about two years ago I used to drink every day. I did this
> for 10 years. Usually a six pack or a bottle of wine. When I
> "partied" it wasn't unusual for me to kill a case of beer in a day.
> Most of the people I associated with were heavy drinkers as well.
> About a year ago I though that I'd get my drinking under "control".
> So with some considerable effort I stopped drinking during the week
> (for the most part) and started going to the gym.
>
> I've lied to lots of people about my drinking over the years but I'm
> being truthful about drinking very little during the week (Monday
> through Friday afternoon). However, the sober days during the week
> were tolerable because I knew the weekend would come eventually.
>
> The 4 to 5 trips to the gym during the week were basically additional
> justification for my weekend "reward".
>
> On the weekends I drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On
> Saturday and Sunday it isn't unusual for me to open that first beer at
> 10:00 AM. I'd plow through at least case of beer (or two) over the
> weekend (I'm not a big person). I found that I would be irritable and
> shaky early into the following week. I've noticed for a long time
> that my hobbies have been ignored, my house neglected, and my sober
> friends are gone. I often drive impaired but by some miracle I've
> never gotten pulled over and I've never had and accident. This is a
> *real* miracle (and really stupid).
>
> Then last week came along. I took a week's vacation. I had big plans
> to get all kinds of things accomplished. You guessed it. All I
> accomplished was a big pile of empty beer cans. Most nights I have no
> memory of going to bed and the mornings were always bad. But I'd do
> it again and again and again.
>
> So, in short, I've lied to myself (again). My drinking isn't under
> control. Not drinking during the week and going to the gym doesn't
> mean I'm doing any better than before. In some ways its worse because
> I've fooled myself so well over the past year.
>
> I've also lied to myself time and time again saying "that's it, I'm
> done, the line in the sand, I'm not drinking anymore". It works until
> Friday night. Sometimes I get past that but Saturday always gets me.
>
> I've reached the point where I have to do something. I can't stand
> being controlled by a chemical. I quit cigarettes ten years ago for
> the same reason but alcohol has its grip on me. So I'm drawing
> another line in the sand and I'm giving it an honest try.
>
> The difference this time is:
>
> I've told my wife I'm going to stop. She's a drinker too but not
> nearly to the extent I drink. I've told my (major) drinking buddies
> about my plan. They laughed. Great friends. I'm contacting an old
> (sober) friend who has been in AA for a decade to help get me past my
> AA apprehension. I've contacted my doctor (who has always seen
> through my lies) to see if he can help (without medication).
>
> I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
> which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.
>
> Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.
>
> Ripple

[Bobby L.]

Hey Ripple,

Whether or not you're in the right place is for you to decide.

That said, you sure sound like one of us. Probably no more than a few weeks
from daily drunks. And you sure sound like one us as far as worrying about
getting a reward when you haven't done anything yet.

In this world, the rewards come after -- And you might find your weekend
full of rewards. Hell, you can probably get all those things done you
planned to do last time. How's that for reward!?

Might suggest you make a list... and then when you get all those things
done, make another list. Great way to keep the hands busy and the mind
occupied.

I suggest you find some sober alcoholics this weekend. A couple of hours
hanging some folks that have learned to live sober "everyday" seems to work
for a lot of us.

Sounds like you spend everyday either planning to drink, drinking, or
recovering from drinking. Man, that's a tough life.

But for today -- just worry about today. No matter how bad it gets, you
only have to make to bedtime (oh yeah, go to bed every night - real
important). Worry about tomorrow when it gets here. You just have to stay
off the drink today. And then just keep doing it.

Bobby L


"Ripple" <therisingsun91@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:b2da4424.0307020523.15374d4c@posting.google.c om...
> I've been lurking in and out of this group for a couple of years.
> This is my first post. This is another "life story" post. I need to
> get it all out.
>
> Its been three days since my last drink. Which isn't unusual for me,
> but its really tough this week.
>
> Up until about two years ago I used to drink every day. I did this
> for 10 years. Usually a six pack or a bottle of wine. When I
> "partied" it wasn't unusual for me to kill a case of beer in a day.
> Most of the people I associated with were heavy drinkers as well.
> About a year ago I though that I'd get my drinking under "control".
> So with some considerable effort I stopped drinking during the week
> (for the most part) and started going to the gym.
>
> I've lied to lots of people about my drinking over the years but I'm
> being truthful about drinking very little during the week (Monday
> through Friday afternoon). However, the sober days during the week
> were tolerable because I knew the weekend would come eventually.
>
> The 4 to 5 trips to the gym during the week were basically additional
> justification for my weekend "reward".
>
> On the weekends I drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On
> Saturday and Sunday it isn't unusual for me to open that first beer at
> 10:00 AM. I'd plow through at least case of beer (or two) over the
> weekend (I'm not a big person). I found that I would be irritable and
> shaky early into the following week. I've noticed for a long time
> that my hobbies have been ignored, my house neglected, and my sober
> friends are gone. I often drive impaired but by some miracle I've
> never gotten pulled over and I've never had and accident. This is a
> *real* miracle (and really stupid).
>
> Then last week came along. I took a week's vacation. I had big plans
> to get all kinds of things accomplished. You guessed it. All I
> accomplished was a big pile of empty beer cans. Most nights I have no
> memory of going to bed and the mornings were always bad. But I'd do
> it again and again and again.
>
> So, in short, I've lied to myself (again). My drinking isn't under
> control. Not drinking during the week and going to the gym doesn't
> mean I'm doing any better than before. In some ways its worse because
> I've fooled myself so well over the past year.
>
> I've also lied to myself time and time again saying "that's it, I'm
> done, the line in the sand, I'm not drinking anymore". It works until
> Friday night. Sometimes I get past that but Saturday always gets me.
>
> I've reached the point where I have to do something. I can't stand
> being controlled by a chemical. I quit cigarettes ten years ago for
> the same reason but alcohol has its grip on me. So I'm drawing
> another line in the sand and I'm giving it an honest try.
>
> The difference this time is:
>
> I've told my wife I'm going to stop. She's a drinker too but not
> nearly to the extent I drink. I've told my (major) drinking buddies
> about my plan. They laughed. Great friends. I'm contacting an old
> (sober) friend who has been in AA for a decade to help get me past my
> AA apprehension. I've contacted my doctor (who has always seen
> through my lies) to see if he can help (without medication).
>
> I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
> which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.
>
> Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.
>
> Ripple

[Dan McGown]

I don't know if I can help you, but I'm sure that *we* can -- and the "we"
includes you as part of the group. The one true thing that I have learned
from getting dry is that there is no thing that takes the place of sitting
with a group of people who are each investing just as much effort as you are
in not having a drink at that moment. Sometimes, "one day at a time" is way
too much to look at. Sometimes, the only goal that is achievable is "I'm
not having a drink right now," and the best way that I have found to
achieve that limited (but necessary) goal is to be with other people who are
not having a drink right now. Left to myself, I can't be sure of hitting
that one, small target. With a little help from others who are looking at
the same target though, I have a chance to string together enough of those
"nows" to keep me going. Some day, maybe, I will be able to say and mean
and believe that "I'm never going to drink again." For me, now, the only
way to stay on that path is not to look that far down the road. Instead, I
just "keep putting one foot in front of the other" and the only way that I
can keep taking that one step is to go to a meeting. It sounds simplistic,
but some problems can only be solved with the simple (but difficult to
execute) solution.

"Ripple" <therisingsun91@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:b2da4424.0307020523.15374d4c@posting.google.c om...
> I've been lurking in and out of this group for a couple of years.
> This is my first post. This is another "life story" post. I need to
> get it all out.
>
> Its been three days since my last drink. Which isn't unusual for me,
> but its really tough this week.
>
> Up until about two years ago I used to drink every day. I did this
> for 10 years. Usually a six pack or a bottle of wine. When I
> "partied" it wasn't unusual for me to kill a case of beer in a day.
> Most of the people I associated with were heavy drinkers as well.
> About a year ago I though that I'd get my drinking under "control".
> So with some considerable effort I stopped drinking during the week
> (for the most part) and started going to the gym.
>
> I've lied to lots of people about my drinking over the years but I'm
> being truthful about drinking very little during the week (Monday
> through Friday afternoon). However, the sober days during the week
> were tolerable because I knew the weekend would come eventually.
>
> The 4 to 5 trips to the gym during the week were basically additional
> justification for my weekend "reward".
>
> On the weekends I drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On
> Saturday and Sunday it isn't unusual for me to open that first beer at
> 10:00 AM. I'd plow through at least case of beer (or two) over the
> weekend (I'm not a big person). I found that I would be irritable and
> shaky early into the following week. I've noticed for a long time
> that my hobbies have been ignored, my house neglected, and my sober
> friends are gone. I often drive impaired but by some miracle I've
> never gotten pulled over and I've never had and accident. This is a
> *real* miracle (and really stupid).
>
> Then last week came along. I took a week's vacation. I had big plans
> to get all kinds of things accomplished. You guessed it. All I
> accomplished was a big pile of empty beer cans. Most nights I have no
> memory of going to bed and the mornings were always bad. But I'd do
> it again and again and again.
>
> So, in short, I've lied to myself (again). My drinking isn't under
> control. Not drinking during the week and going to the gym doesn't
> mean I'm doing any better than before. In some ways its worse because
> I've fooled myself so well over the past year.
>
> I've also lied to myself time and time again saying "that's it, I'm
> done, the line in the sand, I'm not drinking anymore". It works until
> Friday night. Sometimes I get past that but Saturday always gets me.
>
> I've reached the point where I have to do something. I can't stand
> being controlled by a chemical. I quit cigarettes ten years ago for
> the same reason but alcohol has its grip on me. So I'm drawing
> another line in the sand and I'm giving it an honest try.
>
> The difference this time is:
>
> I've told my wife I'm going to stop. She's a drinker too but not
> nearly to the extent I drink. I've told my (major) drinking buddies
> about my plan. They laughed. Great friends. I'm contacting an old
> (sober) friend who has been in AA for a decade to help get me past my
> AA apprehension. I've contacted my doctor (who has always seen
> through my lies) to see if he can help (without medication).
>
> I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
> which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.
>
> Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.
>
> Ripple

[rosie readandpost]

dear sunnie,
what can we do for you?
would some personal emailing help?
my addy is accurate if you wish to use it.


> I have been in despair all
> day, and terribly terribly sick.
>
> Thanks,
> Sunnie
>


let us help you!



--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

the mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief
in injustice and tragedy. what the caterpillar calls
the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
......................................r. bach




<sunflowersxxox@webtv.net> wrote in message news:2543-3F03D00D-115@storefull-2218.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> Lurker,
> Thank you for your very honest and intelligent story....by intelligent I
> mean
> you express yourself beautifully. I can
> read and feel the pain. I am not sober
> today...but I am not drunk either. I was
> sober nearly 5 years and picked up a
> drink last Christmas....I have struggled
> and struggled with my alcoholism. My
> drinking pattern is similiar to yours...I am a slender
> woman and for some reason I can drink
> around the clock consuming enormous
> amounts of alcohol. I lose days at a time.
> I will say my drinking is not as bad as
> it was ten years ago, but I see it sliding
> out of control. I have been sick and shaky
> all day, home alone. I have a great job
> and worry I will lose it if I call in sick
> any more. Anyway. I know from my
> experience with this disease that putting
> down the drink is the only way. It is very
> hard for the first weeks while you detox.
>
> I would definetly say AA is the way to go.
> I have not stuck with AA myself and I
> know that has been a grave error.
> I have "issues" with some of the looney
> people, but who am I at this point to
> be critical, they are sober and I am not.
> The program itself is wonderful and
> you can learn skills and tools to stay sober.
>
> Good luck to you, I hope you find the
> power to continue and your story really
> helped a woman having a hard hard time
> of it tonight. I have been in despair all
> day, and terribly terribly sick.
>
> Thanks,
> Sunnie
>

[Blue Moon]

"rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message news:<SaVMa.167396$Xl.2731458@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com>...

> what can we do for you?
> would some personal emailing help?
> my addy is accurate if you wish to use it.
>
> let us help you!

How can "us" be of any use if you prompt for "you" to be the only
resource? You have answers that others don't have?

[rosie readandpost]

the words WE and US were used.

i asked if SOME emailing would help!
(some = more than one addy)

meanwhile, why not offer some help yourself?
instead of being an ornery old crotch?
did you skip your meetings or something?
haven't called your sponsor in awhile?
what???????????????????????????????????

--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or
haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until
today is past.
...............................sophocles (406 BC)



"Blue Moon" <mfoco_uk@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message news:7747c27d.0307030957.172922d2@posting.google.c om...
> "rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:<SaVMa.167396$Xl.2731458@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com>...
>
> > what can we do for you?
> > would some personal emailing help?
> > my addy is accurate if you wish to use it.
> >
> > let us help you!
>
> How can "us" be of any use if you prompt for "you" to be the only
> resource? You have answers that others don't have?

[rosie readandpost]

> Is there some undercurrent of personal antagonism
> here that a newcomer, such as myself, should be warned of? If not, I have
> trouble understanding the rationale for attacking an offer of assistance.


dan,
don't worry about it................BM, has his "moods" and then i become "the target"..............................his
posts in general are brash, but i believe sincere and informative.
rosie



--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or
haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until
today is past.
...............................sophocles (406 BC)



"Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net> wrote in message news:7I_Ma.9798$Hw.6691687@news2.news.adelphia.net ...
> Did your screen show an "only" in Rosie's post that doesn't show on my
> screen? It looked to me merely as if she were offering a resource, not
> restricting resources. Is there some undercurrent of personal antagonism
> here that a newcomer, such as myself, should be warned of? If not, I have
> trouble understanding the rationale for attacking an offer of assistance.
>
> "Blue Moon" <mfoco_uk@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:7747c27d.0307030957.172922d2@posting.google.c om...
> > "rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:<SaVMa.167396$Xl.2731458@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com>...
> >
> > > what can we do for you?
> > > would some personal emailing help?
> > > my addy is accurate if you wish to use it.
> > >
> > > let us help you!
> >
> > How can "us" be of any use if you prompt for "you" to be the only
> > resource? You have answers that others don't have?
>
>

[Ripple]

I've found these people to be very giving and honest. Its up to the
individual to sift through the thoughts and advice to arrive at a
conclusion. Reaching out with a helping hand is still reaching out
regardless of the semantics.

Ripple


mfoco_uk@yahoo.co.uk (Blue Moon) wrote in message news:<7747c27d.0307030957.172922d2@posting.google.com>...
> "rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message news:<SaVMa.167396$Xl.2731458@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com>...
>
> > what can we do for you?
> > would some personal emailing help?
> > my addy is accurate if you wish to use it.
> >
> > let us help you!
>
> How can "us" be of any use if you prompt for "you" to be the only
> resource? You have answers that others don't have?

[Dan McGown]

Ah, perhaps I was rash. How about I back the dials down to zero and
start over.
Hi, Blue Moon, I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic. Pleased to meet you.
<grin>

"Blue Moon" <mfoco@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:17e8524392d2fdd04690a3541d77f44e@free.teranew s.com...
> On Thu, 03 Jul 2003 18:35:47 GMT, "Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net>
> wrote:
>
> >Did your screen show an "only" in Rosie's post that doesn't show on my
> >screen? It looked to me merely as if she were offering a resource, not
> >restricting resources.
>
> Given the recent frequency of messages here along the lines of "there
> is no I in recovery" I was bemused by the compatibility of that
> message with the implied "I will help you recover".
>
> --
> Blue Moon

[Shawster]

You could make a call and invite a sober friend with a grandchild (or child,
or just feels like a child) to come too. I bet there are some sober teens
in your area that would love to go with you. You could have a little
lunchtime meeting IRL.


"Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:z3eNa.9929$Hw.6880471@news2.news.adelphia.net ...
> It's going pretty well, Blue Moon, but today I'm taking my grandsons to
> Cedar Point (major roller coaster type park) and I'm thinking: "It's
going
> to be sunny and hot as hell and this will be the first time that I ever
> walked around this place without a beer in each hand." You know, maybe I
> need to get a palmheld with wireless net so that I can hook up to
> www.recoverychat.com wherever I am because sometimes you just need an
> instant meeting in the middle of the day. <L> I guess that I'll settle
for
> remembering how glad I am that my grandsons will be with a sober grandpa.
>
> Anyway, that's how it's going for me. How's it going for you?
>
> "Blue Moon" <mfoco@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:d7f985013969226493e2350005079d64@free.teranew s.com...
> > On Fri, 04 Jul 2003 04:19:36 GMT, "Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > Ah, perhaps I was rash. How about I back the dials down to zero
and
> > >start over.
> > > Hi, Blue Moon, I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic. Pleased to meet you.
> > ><grin>
> >
> > Hey Dan, how's it going? :)
> >
> > --
> > Blue Moon
>
>
>

[Dan McGown]

Thanks, Rosie. Yeah, I have programmed into my phone all of the numbers of
the folks who signed my Big Book when I first got it. My sponsor told me:
"Now you have a project. Make all of those numbers easy to find and easy to
use." He was right and you were right, but sometimes I like to have a group
just so I can listen.

When I call someone I kind of have to talk (that's the whole point of the
call) but sometimes what I really need to do is hear the other people talk
about how they are doing because it really reminds me that I'm not unique
and I'm not alone. A lot of times that does much more for me than unloading
myself.
"rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:O7fNa.72533$fe.1594750@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
> i hope you had a good time dan!
> btw, do you have a phone list from a local meeting?
> why not keep it with you, and if needed, pick up the phone and talk to
someone?
> ANYTIME, ANY PLACE!
>
> --
> read and post daily, it works!
> rosie
>
> rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or
> haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until
> today is past.
> ..............................sophocles (406 BC)
>
>
>
> "Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:z3eNa.9929$Hw.6880471@news2.news.adelphia.net ...
> > It's going pretty well, Blue Moon, but today I'm taking my grandsons to
> > Cedar Point (major roller coaster type park) and I'm thinking: "It's
going
> > to be sunny and hot as hell and this will be the first time that I ever
> > walked around this place without a beer in each hand." You know, maybe
I
> > need to get a palmheld with wireless net so that I can hook up to
> > www.recoverychat.com wherever I am because sometimes you just need an
> > instant meeting in the middle of the day. <L> I guess that I'll settle
for
> > remembering how glad I am that my grandsons will be with a sober
grandpa.
> >
> > Anyway, that's how it's going for me. How's it going for you?
> >
> > "Blue Moon" <mfoco@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > news:d7f985013969226493e2350005079d64@free.teranew s.com...
> > > On Fri, 04 Jul 2003 04:19:36 GMT, "Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > > Ah, perhaps I was rash. How about I back the dials down to zero
and
> > > >start over.
> > > > Hi, Blue Moon, I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic. Pleased to meet
you.
> > > ><grin>
> > >
> > > Hey Dan, how's it going? :)
> > >
> > > --
> > > Blue Moon
> >
> >
>
>

[Blue Moon]

On Fri, 4 Jul 2003 12:30:12 -0500, "rosie readandpost"
<readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:

>
>> I added a T to HALT, so now it's HALTT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired,
>> Thirsty.
>>
>
>
>
>GOOD ONE!
>
>i added S to HALT, so now its HALTS-Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sick. (i.e.:depression)

Yeah I've heard that a few times before. So it'd be HALTIT - Hungry
Angry Lonely Tired Ill Thirsty :)

--
Blue Moon

[Shawster]

or SHALTT as in thou Shalt not: get sick, hungry, angry lonely tired and
thirsty.
"Blue Moon" <mfoco@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:96b18d2e79623cd777be6c7886f4bcce@free.teranew s.com...
> On Fri, 4 Jul 2003 12:30:12 -0500, "rosie readandpost"
> <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >
> >> I added a T to HALT, so now it's HALTT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired,
> >> Thirsty.
> >>
> >
> >
> >
> >GOOD ONE!
> >
> >i added S to HALT, so now its HALTS-Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sick.
(i.e.:depression)
>
> Yeah I've heard that a few times before. So it'd be HALTIT - Hungry
> Angry Lonely Tired Ill Thirsty :)
>
> --
> Blue Moon
>

[Shawster]

So basically you sit and mope the weekend away alone.

why don't you go and have fun like everybody else, rather than sitting
alone. Invite someone out. consider it service work.


"Dan Ballance" <DanBallance@noSpamexcite.com> wrote in message
news:h0ebgvo3orkiv0ferb7tiflr7ds67ctcjd@4ax.com...
> Weekends are difficult in my experience and probably easier for me as
> i'm not currently working. In some ways the weekends feel like the
> work. If I can get to monday, things seem to get a little better.
>
> Goes a bit like this.
>
> Friday night - eat - watch telly, feel a bit lame but not too bad.
>
> Saturday - try and get up and get out somewhere - anywhere - during
> the day. So that come the evening when i sit in (lots of food - eat
> and be miseable!) with maybe a film or sommit, till i can crash out,
> in a bit of a mood about not having 'fun like everybody else'.
>
> But then sundays are often quite cool. Maybe go out for breakfast or
> lunch. Basically, i suppose i just eat my sober weekends away!
>
> seems like you've cracked the week days, maybe you just gotte try and
> set up a different routine for the weekends. easier said than done, i
> know, but good luck!
>
> dan ;-)
>
> On 2 Jul 2003 06:23:10 -0700, therisingsun91@hotmail.com (Ripple)
> wrote:
>
> >I've been lurking in and out of this group for a couple of years.
> >This is my first post. This is another "life story" post. I need to
> >get it all out.
> >
> >Its been three days since my last drink. Which isn't unusual for me,
> >but its really tough this week.
> >
> >Up until about two years ago I used to drink every day. I did this
> >for 10 years. Usually a six pack or a bottle of wine. When I
> >"partied" it wasn't unusual for me to kill a case of beer in a day.
> >Most of the people I associated with were heavy drinkers as well.
> >About a year ago I though that I'd get my drinking under "control".
> >So with some considerable effort I stopped drinking during the week
> >(for the most part) and started going to the gym.
> >
> >I've lied to lots of people about my drinking over the years but I'm
> >being truthful about drinking very little during the week (Monday
> >through Friday afternoon). However, the sober days during the week
> >were tolerable because I knew the weekend would come eventually.
> >
> >The 4 to 5 trips to the gym during the week were basically additional
> >justification for my weekend "reward".
> >
> >On the weekends I drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On
> >Saturday and Sunday it isn't unusual for me to open that first beer at
> >10:00 AM. I'd plow through at least case of beer (or two) over the
> >weekend (I'm not a big person). I found that I would be irritable and
> >shaky early into the following week. I've noticed for a long time
> >that my hobbies have been ignored, my house neglected, and my sober
> >friends are gone. I often drive impaired but by some miracle I've
> >never gotten pulled over and I've never had and accident. This is a
> >*real* miracle (and really stupid).
> >
> >Then last week came along. I took a week's vacation. I had big plans
> >to get all kinds of things accomplished. You guessed it. All I
> >accomplished was a big pile of empty beer cans. Most nights I have no
> >memory of going to bed and the mornings were always bad. But I'd do
> >it again and again and again.
> >
> >So, in short, I've lied to myself (again). My drinking isn't under
> >control. Not drinking during the week and going to the gym doesn't
> >mean I'm doing any better than before. In some ways its worse because
> >I've fooled myself so well over the past year.
> >
> >I've also lied to myself time and time again saying "that's it, I'm
> >done, the line in the sand, I'm not drinking anymore". It works until
> >Friday night. Sometimes I get past that but Saturday always gets me.
> >
> >I've reached the point where I have to do something. I can't stand
> >being controlled by a chemical. I quit cigarettes ten years ago for
> >the same reason but alcohol has its grip on me. So I'm drawing
> >another line in the sand and I'm giving it an honest try.
> >
> >The difference this time is:
> >
> >I've told my wife I'm going to stop. She's a drinker too but not
> >nearly to the extent I drink. I've told my (major) drinking buddies
> >about my plan. They laughed. Great friends. I'm contacting an old
> >(sober) friend who has been in AA for a decade to help get me past my
> >AA apprehension. I've contacted my doctor (who has always seen
> >through my lies) to see if he can help (without medication).
> >
> >I feel like I'm running off the edge of a cliff. Its been three days
> >which isn't unusual, but there's no reward coming on this weekend.
> >
> >Thanks for listening. Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.
> >
> >Ripple
>
>

[Moonraker]

"Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:UhgNa.9944$Hw.6910216@news2.news.adelphia.net ...
>sometimes what I really need to do is hear the other people talk
> about how they are doing because it really reminds me that I'm not unique
> and I'm not alone. A lot of times that does much more for me than
unloading
> myself.

Know what? About the time I begin to think MY shit is really bad and I get
all wrapped up in it, I hear somebody else tell a story that is 25 times
worse than what I'm dealing with at the time.

[Dan McGown]

-- or sometimes it's even what they don't say. Like when some girl who
looks like she's about 17 says: "My name is XXXXX and I'm an alcoholic and
a heroin addict and I'll just listen tonight."

"Moonraker" <fuggadaboutit@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:XQmNa.2542$rE3.1343@fe02.atl2.webusenet.com.. .
>
> "Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
> news:UhgNa.9944$Hw.6910216@news2.news.adelphia.net ...
> >sometimes what I really need to do is hear the other people talk
> > about how they are doing because it really reminds me that I'm not
unique
> > and I'm not alone. A lot of times that does much more for me than
> unloading
> > myself.
>
> Know what? About the time I begin to think MY shit is really bad and I
get
> all wrapped up in it, I hear somebody else tell a story that is 25 times
> worse than what I'm dealing with at the time.
>
>
>

[rosie readandpost]

> When I call someone I kind of have to talk (that's the whole point of the
> call) but sometimes what I really need to do is hear the other people talk
> about how they are doing because it really reminds me that I'm not unique
> and I'm not alone. A lot of times that does much more for me than unloading
> myself.


no doubt about it, and the next time you need to make a call, tell the person your phoning a exactly how you feel and
that you want them to talk instead of you..............................you will understand that your feelings about not
wanting to "talk" are not unique either!
:)

[Dan Ballance]

i have social phobia, so I find it very hard work to socialise without
drink/chemicals - plus it seems like everyone is out drinking on a
saturday night. maybe just my perception, or the kind of town i live
in i supopose.. sundays are better, i try n catch my friend suzie and
go for food somewhere - if she can still walk, which sometimes she
can't

;-)

[Michael Rapp]

On Thu, 10 Jul 2003 16:24:04 +0100, Dan Ballance
<DanBallance@noSpamexcite.com> wrote
>i have social phobia, so I find it very hard work to socialise without
>drink/chemicals - plus it seems like everyone is out drinking on a
>saturday night. maybe just my perception, or the kind of town i live
>in i supopose.. sundays are better, i try n catch my friend suzie and
>go for food somewhere - if she can still walk, which sometimes she
>can't
-----------------------------------------------
After I got out of therapy, I started small: During my drunk period, I
had let a lot of friends and aquaintances get out of touch, some of
them really good friends. I had ignored all their calls of attention,
a situation which I really wanted to rectify after my rehab. But I
supressed my urge to call them all up once I was "out", like comig
back from vacation. I worked down my phone book about one person a
month, to get reaquainted with them, to tell them where I have been
and what had become of me. This I did also to protect me, it is not
always easy for me to talk about me, especially in front of people I
really like and love. So I figured one person a month is enough,
although I don't really go by callendar. Some relationships have to be
built almost from scratch, some work better. It really depends. So I
start slowly to get reaquainted with the world, one person at a time,
to (re)learn some of the social skills, and to start feeling
comfortable in the presence of others. Remember, the company of other
people was something I tediously avoided during my drunk periods, and
this behaviour had formed patterns in my brains, hidden below concious
level. But I agree with you wholeheartedly, it is *****ing hard work,
but my experience is after making the "rounds" in some bars soberly,
that there are more sober persons around than there were in the
beginning. But that may be perception, too. ;-)

[Ripple]

I'm sticking with family for the most part while I get throught these
first few weekends. One thing for sure I'm finding out who my friends
are. There a few "drinking buddies" who have been very supportive and
will only contact me when they're sober. They also don't ask me to go
out drinking. On the other hand there's the flip side. I have a
"friend" who leaves phone messages of beers being popped open.
Another who has basically told me "if you stop drinking you're
broken". I guess this was going to happen I just didn't see it coming
in my haze.

Ripple

[Totfit]

I've noticed that my quitting can be a threat to some, especially if it
makes them look at themselves. As far as being broken, that describes me
more as a drinker than a non-drinker. Stick with those that support you
in your efforts. It sounds as if you have the right idea.

Gregg

Ripple wrote:

> I'm sticking with family for the most part while I get throught these
> first few weekends. One thing for sure I'm finding out who my friends
> are. There a few "drinking buddies" who have been very supportive and
> will only contact me when they're sober. They also don't ask me to go
> out drinking. On the other hand there's the flip side. I have a
> "friend" who leaves phone messages of beers being popped open.
> Another who has basically told me "if you stop drinking you're
> broken". I guess this was going to happen I just didn't see it coming
> in my haze.
>
> Ripple

[Dan Ballance]

hi rosie, i started cognitive behavioural therapy at 17, dropped out.
went back at 21, dropped out again, and have started again for the
past 9 months, since my 26th birthday near enough.

things are going better this time - i'm making quite a bit of
progress. Meetings, groups, appointments etc are getting easier all
the time. For some reason i find going round to a friends for the
evening the hardest. i think it is the lack of structure. (plus i
would _always_ have drank in the past to cope.)

i suppose my history of social anxiety and depression is one of the
reasons I don't buy the AA model wholesale. If i am to recover fully,
i need therapeutic input. fellowship and faith, as important as they
can be, are not anough on their own for me.

i do recognise that my phobic behaviour is one of the things that
stops me attending meetings however - i guess this experience is
common with many people. You cecome so reliant on alcohol to socialise
that when you stop drinking the 'social life' goes to0

(although all the shouting, slurring, passsing out etc that I am used
to being around is not really that social i suppose!)

hope you are keeping well, dan ;-)

On Thu, 10 Jul 2003 10:34:10 -0500, "rosie readandpost"
<readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:

>toward the end of my drinking, i didn't "go out" much, so when it was time to sober up, and folks talked about going to
>alot of meetings, i really DID NOT WANT TO.
>after awhile, going to meetings because a comfortable thing to do, and shortly after that i started SOCIALIZING with
>folks from the fellowship.
>that took care of my phobia!

[Dan Ballance]

cheers Michael, i like the idea of getting back in contact with
people quite slowly, one at a time (but maybe thats my phobia talking
again!)... no seriously, it sounds a good plan. easy does it ;-)

[Dan Ballance]

On 11 Jul 2003 04:35:14 -0700, therisingsun91@hotmail.com (Ripple)
wrote:

> I have a
>"friend" who leaves phone messages of beers being popped open.

arsehole. nothing more to say about that really is there.

i've ditched a few people in the last year. Some really close. Some -
well not so close!

Some are worth the effort. Relationships are the hardest. Would you
risk (re)lapse for someone you loved? that one still gets me every
time ;-)

[rosie readandpost]

You become so reliant on alcohol to socialise
> that when you stop drinking the 'social life' goes to0
>


YUP!
that is exactly what happened to me!
and dance without alcohol? OUT OF THE QUESTION!

i'm doing fine!
just got back from a two mile walk, but haven't jumped into the shower yet.
just sitting here sipping my coffee and being lazy!
:)

[rosie readandpost]

> Some are worth the effort. Relationships are the hardest. Would you
> risk (re)lapse for someone you loved? that one still gets me every
> time ;-)


dan,
i have been married for sometime now, and still crazy about this guy.
when i quit drinking, my husband stopped drinking in front of me.
we knew that this would not have to be forever, but in those early months, it sure helped.

now, tom drinks wine/beer whenever he wants, and it truly doesn't bother me.
i don't recommend that for newcomers to sobriety though.

rosie

[Dan Ballance]

lazy is good ;-)

[Dan Ballance]

what about if you're both alcoholics (or near enough), but one is a
little older, a little closer to recovery? No easy answers i don't
think. Push too hard and you can loose someone. I dunno, maybe that's
what might have to happen in the end, but you have to try!

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 15:42:49 GMT, "rosie readandpost"
<readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:

>
>
>> Some are worth the effort. Relationships are the hardest. Would you
>> risk (re)lapse for someone you loved? that one still gets me every
>> time ;-)
>
>
>dan,
>i have been married for sometime now, and still crazy about this guy.
>when i quit drinking, my husband stopped drinking in front of me.
>we knew that this would not have to be forever, but in those early months, it sure helped.
>
>now, tom drinks wine/beer whenever he wants, and it truly doesn't bother me.
>i don't recommend that for newcomers to sobriety though.
>
>rosie
>
>

[rosie readandpost]

the only easy answer to that one, is to work on your own recovery, and if your partner wants to come along they
will..............................
if it gets too difficult for you, there is always alanon.


--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

ever wonder if we would care more about each other if we realized how much we have in common?
..............................R. Nagy




"Dan Ballance" <DanBallance@noSpamexcite.com> wrote in message news:stotgvk5usajq2surqptpvi9999fjad9u5@4ax.com...
> what about if you're both alcoholics (or near enough), but one is a
> little older, a little closer to recovery? No easy answers i don't
> think. Push too hard and you can loose someone. I dunno, maybe that's
> what might have to happen in the end, but you have to try!
>
> On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 15:42:49 GMT, "rosie readandpost"
> <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >
> >
> >> Some are worth the effort. Relationships are the hardest. Would you
> >> risk (re)lapse for someone you loved? that one still gets me every
> >> time ;-)
> >
> >
> >dan,
> >i have been married for sometime now, and still crazy about this guy.
> >when i quit drinking, my husband stopped drinking in front of me.
> >we knew that this would not have to be forever, but in those early months, it sure helped.
> >
> >now, tom drinks wine/beer whenever he wants, and it truly doesn't bother me.
> >i don't recommend that for newcomers to sobriety though.
> >
> >rosie
> >
> >
>

[catsruleok]

"rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:dCBPa.201933$Xl.3362296@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
> the only easy answer to that one, is to work on your own recovery, and if your partner wants to
come along they
> will..............................
> if it gets too difficult for you, there is always alanon.
>
>
> --
> read and post daily, it works!
> rosie
>
<snip>

I'm very pleased to hear you say that. When I joined this NG and explained that I was trying to
stay off booze while my husband continued to drink, you became agitated when I said that he wouldn't
stop. I remember telling everyone that I wasn't going to let it bother me. I hope that one of the
reaons why you have appeared to change your attitude towards those closest to someone who is trying
to give up drinking, drinking in front of them, was my attitude towards my husband's drinking

JB
>
>
>
> "Dan Ballance" <DanBallance@noSpamexcite.com> wrote in message
news:stotgvk5usajq2surqptpvi9999fjad9u5@4ax.com...
> > what about if you're both alcoholics (or near enough), but one is a
> > little older, a little closer to recovery? No easy answers i don't
> > think. Push too hard and you can loose someone. I dunno, maybe that's
> > what might have to happen in the end, but you have to try!
> >
> > On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 15:42:49 GMT, "rosie readandpost"
> > <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >
> > >> Some are worth the effort. Relationships are the hardest. Would you
> > >> risk (re)lapse for someone you loved? that one still gets me every
> > >> time ;-)
> > >
> > >
> > >dan,
> > >i have been married for sometime now, and still crazy about this guy.
> > >when i quit drinking, my husband stopped drinking in front of me.
> > >we knew that this would not have to be forever, but in those early months, it sure helped.
> > >
> > >now, tom drinks wine/beer whenever he wants, and it truly doesn't bother me.
> > >i don't recommend that for newcomers to sobriety though.
> > >
> > >rosie
> > >
> > >
> >
>
>

[Michael Rapp]

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 17:20:13 +0100, Dan Ballance
<DanBallance@noSpamexcite.com> wrote:

>what about if you're both alcoholics (or near enough), but one is a
>little older, a little closer to recovery? No easy answers i don't
>think. Push too hard and you can loose someone. I dunno, maybe that's
>what might have to happen in the end, but you have to try!
------------------
oh boy, that's a tough cookie.
imo, the rule is that no rules apply. On the one hand, basically it is
said (and witnessed by yours truly), that two alcoholics tend to
reinforce each other, so that if one relapses the other does, too. On
the other hand, I've seen the other thing come true, too. The couple
I've got in mind reinforce each other in their determination to stay
sober. So no general rule, you have to reach into the bottom of your
heart (easier said than done, sure) to ask "is she worth the risk? and
she has to do the same thing too. Then it MAY work, maybe.

[Michael Rapp]

On Sat, 12 Jul 2003 01:56:57 +0100, "catsruleok"
<catsruleok@bigfoot.com> wrote:
> Hi Michael,
>
>I do not have the luxury of being able to get away from my husband's drinking. He is a quadraplegic
>and as such needs help to do very many things that non-disabled people would find very easy to do
>themselves. There are many things he cannot do himself. He can usually manage to drink by himself
>but he cannot pour his drinks. I have been my husband's sole support for the past 21 years. All
>the time we have been together, my husband has enjoyed a few drinks every night ( except when he
>has been in hospital). Now that he is nearing the end of his life, I see no reason why I should
>try to stop him enjoying what for him is one of his fewer remaining pleasures. A few weeks ago he
>offered to give up drinking. It remains only an offer. From what I said earlier, you will
>understand, why I will not make his drinking into an issue.
-----------------------------------
Of cause I understand. At least, as much as I can, since I do not
share the personal experience myself.
-----------------------------------
>You might wonder why I don't leave the room. when I have given my husband his drink. There are two
>reasons for this. Firstly, he might need help. Secondly, I happen to enjoy his company.
--------------------------
Isn't that what being marrid is about, anyway?
-------------------------
>So, for those who find themselves unable for whatever reason to get away from a partner who wants
>to continue drinking when they don't, then perhaps, they will need an attitude like mine in order
>to achieve what they want.
>
>
>JB
--------------------
JB, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. In fact, I admire
your attitude and I realise this is someone talking who has the option
to just walk away (me). In fact, I admire your courage to accept that
you are dancing on the lip of the volcano but sticking with your
husband. I am sure, if I only had half of it I wouldn't have to worry
about drinking any more.
Some causes are higher than the (sometimes single- minded)
determination and methods of stopping to drink. Love is one of them.
If I threaded on grounds I shouldn't have then please accept my
apologies,
Michael.

[catsruleok]

"Michael Rapp" <m.rapp@t-online.de> wrote in message news:3f0f5a77.47023646@news.btx.dtag.de...
> On Sat, 12 Jul 2003 01:56:57 +0100, "catsruleok"
> <catsruleok@bigfoot.com> wrote:
<snip>

> JB, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. In fact, I admire
> your attitude and I realise this is someone talking who has the option
> to just walk away (me). In fact, I admire your courage to accept that
> you are dancing on the lip of the volcano but sticking with your
> husband. I am sure, if I only had half of it I wouldn't have to worry
> about drinking any more.
> Some causes are higher than the (sometimes single- minded)
> determination and methods of stopping to drink. Love is one of them.
> If I threaded on grounds I shouldn't have then please accept my
> apologies,
> Michael.


Dear Michael,

You do not need to apologise. I shall be happy if what I have said helps you tand others here
understand why alcoholics who are determined to give up drinking must be encouraged to, rather than
discouraged from, using a method that works for them.

With very best wishes

JB

[Bingo]

"Dan McGown" <DMcGown@adelphia.net> wrote in
news:z3eNa.9929$Hw.6880471@news2.news.adelphia.net :

> It's going pretty well, Blue Moon, but today I'm taking my
> grandsons to Cedar Point (major roller coaster type park) and
> I'm thinking: "It's going to be sunny and hot as hell and this
> will be the first time that I ever walked around this place
> without a beer in each hand." You know, maybe I need to get a
> palmheld with wireless net so that I can hook up to
> www.recoverychat.com wherever I am because sometimes you just
> need an instant meeting in the middle of the day. <L> I guess
> that I'll settle for remembering how glad I am that my grandsons
> will be with a sober grandpa.
>
> Anyway, that's how it's going for me. How's it going for you?
>
> "Blue Moon" <mfoco@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:d7f985013969226493e2350005079d64@free.teranew s.com...
>> On Fri, 04 Jul 2003 04:19:36 GMT, "Dan McGown"
>> <DMcGown@adelphia.net> wrote:
>>
>> > Ah, perhaps I was rash. How about I back the dials down
>> > to zero and
>> >start over.
>> > Hi, Blue Moon, I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic. Pleased to
>> > meet you.
>> ><grin>
>>
>> Hey Dan, how's it going? :)
>>
>> --
>> Blue Moon
>
>

Just to butt in...On the flip side of my "reasons not to drink"
wallet card, I wrote "alcohol alternatives" for just such
occasions, i.e. lemonade, root beer, water (what a concept!), and
so on. SO I would have to think about it, something I wasn't very
good at in early recovery. YMMV