Psycotherapy blackmail?

[massivegr]

Hey everyone, first post and a proper long one.
I feel like a psychotherapy blackmail victim and I'm freaking out.
Basically, I have only started psychotherapy for a month but my sister
has been doing therapy with the same therapist for the last 4 years
and my parents for the last 2 years. I went because I felt confused
about what I should do with my life, since I just finished the
military service (compulsory in Greece). Within a month the therapist
nearly convinced me that I have a very serious drug problem and I need
serious help. She suggested The Meadows in Arizona, US. But today,
both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will have to
"imagine the world without me". This sounds to me like blackmail. Like
"you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be the one
WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with you.
The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I have
proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it. This must
me very confusing to anyone reading it, so I won't try to "clarify" it
anymore; It seems even more confusing.

[Gail]

massivegr wrote:
> Hey everyone, first post and a proper long one.
> I feel like a psychotherapy blackmail victim and I'm freaking out.
> Basically, I have only started psychotherapy for a month but my sister
> has been doing therapy with the same therapist for the last 4 years
> and my parents for the last 2 years. I went because I felt confused
> about what I should do with my life, since I just finished the
> military service (compulsory in Greece). Within a month the therapist
> nearly convinced me that I have a very serious drug problem and I need
> serious help.

You did say, "Nearly"? Have you convinced yourself?


She suggested The Meadows in Arizona, US. But today,
> both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will have to
> "imagine the world without me". This sounds to me like blackmail.

Nope! Not blackmail at all. They love you and probably see what the drugs
are doing to you. You haven't told us why they want you to go to treatment.
What have *You* done to make them want to see you get help?


Like
> "you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be the one
> WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with you.


Truth is, they just might have to do that for their sanity and well being.


> The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I have
> proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it.

How on earth did you prove that to yourself? How long did you live without
them?


This must
> me very confusing to anyone reading it, so I won't try to "clarify" it
> anymore; It seems even more confusing.

Not confusing at all. :)

http://addictions.org/signs.htm

Best,
Gail

[rosie readandpost]

great response gail.
i can only add a BIG DITTO!

--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

the mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief
in injustice and tragedy. what the caterpillar calls
the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
......................................r. bach




"Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:vg5kklm5lefp6d@corp.supernews.com...
> massivegr wrote:
> > Hey everyone, first post and a proper long one.
> > I feel like a psychotherapy blackmail victim and I'm freaking out.
> > Basically, I have only started psychotherapy for a month but my sister
> > has been doing therapy with the same therapist for the last 4 years
> > and my parents for the last 2 years. I went because I felt confused
> > about what I should do with my life, since I just finished the
> > military service (compulsory in Greece). Within a month the therapist
> > nearly convinced me that I have a very serious drug problem and I need
> > serious help.
>
> You did say, "Nearly"? Have you convinced yourself?
>
>
> She suggested The Meadows in Arizona, US. But today,
> > both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will have to
> > "imagine the world without me". This sounds to me like blackmail.
>
> Nope! Not blackmail at all. They love you and probably see what the drugs
> are doing to you. You haven't told us why they want you to go to treatment.
> What have *You* done to make them want to see you get help?
>
>
> Like
> > "you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be the one
> > WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with you.
>
>
> Truth is, they just might have to do that for their sanity and well being.
>
>
> > The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I have
> > proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it.
>
> How on earth did you prove that to yourself? How long did you live without
> them?
>
>
> This must
> > me very confusing to anyone reading it, so I won't try to "clarify" it
> > anymore; It seems even more confusing.
>
> Not confusing at all. :)
>
> http://addictions.org/signs.htm
>
> Best,
> Gail
>
>

[Gail]

I can relate to his family because I am experiencing the same problems with
an alcoholic son of whom still thinks he knows best, right now.
Gail

rosie readandpost wrote:
> great response gail.
> i can only add a BIG DITTO!
>
>
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vg5kklm5lefp6d@corp.supernews.com...
>> massivegr wrote:
>>> Hey everyone, first post and a proper long one.
>>> I feel like a psychotherapy blackmail victim and I'm freaking out.
>>> Basically, I have only started psychotherapy for a month but my
>>> sister
>>> has been doing therapy with the same therapist for the last 4 years
>>> and my parents for the last 2 years. I went because I felt confused
>>> about what I should do with my life, since I just finished the
>>> military service (compulsory in Greece). Within a month the
>>> therapist
>>> nearly convinced me that I have a very serious drug problem and I
>>> need
>>> serious help.
>>
>> You did say, "Nearly"? Have you convinced yourself?
>>
>>
>> She suggested The Meadows in Arizona, US. But today,
>>> both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will have
>>> to "imagine the world without me". This sounds to me like blackmail.
>>
>> Nope! Not blackmail at all. They love you and probably see what the
>> drugs
>> are doing to you. You haven't told us why they want you to go to
>> treatment.
>> What have *You* done to make them want to see you get help?
>>
>>
>> Like
>>> "you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be the
>>> one
>>> WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with you.
>>
>>
>> Truth is, they just might have to do that for their sanity and well
>> being.
>>
>>
>>> The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I have
>>> proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it.
>>
>> How on earth did you prove that to yourself? How long did you live
>> without
>> them?
>>
>>
>> This must
>>> me very confusing to anyone reading it, so I won't try to "clarify"
>>> it
>>> anymore; It seems even more confusing.
>>
>> Not confusing at all. :)
>>
>> http://addictions.org/signs.htm
>>
>> Best,
>> Gail

[Gail]

Thank you. It is hard to sit back, watch and wait. I have to practice those
first three steps everyday. I only pray that one day he will be able to do
the same. :)
Gail


rosie readandpost wrote:
> ((((((((((gail)))))))))))))))))
> that is so tough to watch...............my oldest daughter went
> through that "denial" stuff and as i remember it, blamed me for
> ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!
>
> times change, people change, its just our prayers that get more
> intense!
> hang in there!
>
>
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vg5lqb411m9pc1@corp.supernews.com...
>> I can relate to his family because I am experiencing the same
>> problems with
>> an alcoholic son of whom still thinks he knows best, right now.
>> Gail
>>
>> rosie readandpost wrote:
>>> great response gail.
>>> i can only add a BIG DITTO!
>>>
>>>
>>> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>>> news:vg5kklm5lefp6d@corp.supernews.com...
>>>> massivegr wrote:
>>>>> Hey everyone, first post and a proper long one.
>>>>> I feel like a psychotherapy blackmail victim and I'm freaking out.
>>>>> Basically, I have only started psychotherapy for a month but my
>>>>> sister
>>>>> has been doing therapy with the same therapist for the last 4
>>>>> years
>>>>> and my parents for the last 2 years. I went because I felt
>>>>> confused
>>>>> about what I should do with my life, since I just finished the
>>>>> military service (compulsory in Greece). Within a month the
>>>>> therapist
>>>>> nearly convinced me that I have a very serious drug problem and I
>>>>> need
>>>>> serious help.
>>>>
>>>> You did say, "Nearly"? Have you convinced yourself?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> She suggested The Meadows in Arizona, US. But today,
>>>>> both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will
>>>>> have
>>>>> to "imagine the world without me". This sounds to me like
>>>>> blackmail.
>>>>
>>>> Nope! Not blackmail at all. They love you and probably see what the
>>>> drugs
>>>> are doing to you. You haven't told us why they want you to go to
>>>> treatment.
>>>> What have *You* done to make them want to see you get help?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Like
>>>>> "you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be the
>>>>> one
>>>>> WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with
>>>>> you.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Truth is, they just might have to do that for their sanity and well
>>>> being.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I have
>>>>> proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it.
>>>>
>>>> How on earth did you prove that to yourself? How long did you live
>>>> without
>>>> them?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> This must
>>>>> me very confusing to anyone reading it, so I won't try to
>>>>> "clarify"
>>>>> it
>>>>> anymore; It seems even more confusing.
>>>>
>>>> Not confusing at all. :)
>>>>
>>>> http://addictions.org/signs.htm
>>>>
>>>> Best,
>>>> Gail

[rosie readandpost]

it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard!
have you given ALANON a try?

--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

the mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief
in injustice and tragedy. what the caterpillar calls
the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
......................................r. bach




"Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:vg5u0ka22p51e7@corp.supernews.com...
> Thank you. It is hard to sit back, watch and wait. I have to practice those
> first three steps everyday. I only pray that one day he will be able to do
> the same. :)
> Gail
>
>
> rosie readandpost wrote:
> > ((((((((((gail)))))))))))))))))
> > that is so tough to watch...............my oldest daughter went
> > through that "denial" stuff and as i remember it, blamed me for
> > ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!
> >
> > times change, people change, its just our prayers that get more
> > intense!
> > hang in there!
> >
> >
> > "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > news:vg5lqb411m9pc1@corp.supernews.com...
> >> I can relate to his family because I am experiencing the same
> >> problems with
> >> an alcoholic son of whom still thinks he knows best, right now.
> >> Gail
> >>
> >> rosie readandpost wrote:
> >>> great response gail.
> >>> i can only add a BIG DITTO!
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> >>> news:vg5kklm5lefp6d@corp.supernews.com...
> >>>> massivegr wrote:
> >>>>> Hey everyone, first post and a proper long one.
> >>>>> I feel like a psychotherapy blackmail victim and I'm freaking out.
> >>>>> Basically, I have only started psychotherapy for a month but my
> >>>>> sister
> >>>>> has been doing therapy with the same therapist for the last 4
> >>>>> years
> >>>>> and my parents for the last 2 years. I went because I felt
> >>>>> confused
> >>>>> about what I should do with my life, since I just finished the
> >>>>> military service (compulsory in Greece). Within a month the
> >>>>> therapist
> >>>>> nearly convinced me that I have a very serious drug problem and I
> >>>>> need
> >>>>> serious help.
> >>>>
> >>>> You did say, "Nearly"? Have you convinced yourself?
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> She suggested The Meadows in Arizona, US. But today,
> >>>>> both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will
> >>>>> have
> >>>>> to "imagine the world without me". This sounds to me like
> >>>>> blackmail.
> >>>>
> >>>> Nope! Not blackmail at all. They love you and probably see what the
> >>>> drugs
> >>>> are doing to you. You haven't told us why they want you to go to
> >>>> treatment.
> >>>> What have *You* done to make them want to see you get help?
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> Like
> >>>>> "you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be the
> >>>>> one
> >>>>> WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with
> >>>>> you.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> Truth is, they just might have to do that for their sanity and well
> >>>> being.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>> The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I have
> >>>>> proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it.
> >>>>
> >>>> How on earth did you prove that to yourself? How long did you live
> >>>> without
> >>>> them?
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> This must
> >>>>> me very confusing to anyone reading it, so I won't try to
> >>>>> "clarify"
> >>>>> it
> >>>>> anymore; It seems even more confusing.
> >>>>
> >>>> Not confusing at all. :)
> >>>>
> >>>> http://addictions.org/signs.htm
> >>>>
> >>>> Best,
> >>>> Gail
>
>

[Gail]

Not yet...:(
I have been checking into CODA and/or Alanon meetings.
Just finding a time that I can attend while not doing for someone else..;)
Long story, so I won't get into it..I do think that I can hopefully find a
meeting for one or both.
Gail

rosie readandpost wrote:
> it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard!
> have you given ALANON a try?
>
>
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vg5u0ka22p51e7@corp.supernews.com...
>> Thank you. It is hard to sit back, watch and wait. I have to
>> practice those
>> first three steps everyday. I only pray that one day he will be able
>> to do
>> the same. :)
>> Gail
>>
>>
>> rosie readandpost wrote:
>>> ((((((((((gail)))))))))))))))))
>>> that is so tough to watch...............my oldest daughter went
>>> through that "denial" stuff and as i remember it, blamed me for
>>> ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!
>>>
>>> times change, people change, its just our prayers that get more
>>> intense!
>>> hang in there!
>>>
>>>
>>> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>>> news:vg5lqb411m9pc1@corp.supernews.com...
>>>> I can relate to his family because I am experiencing the same
>>>> problems with
>>>> an alcoholic son of whom still thinks he knows best, right now.
>>>> Gail
>>>>
>>>> rosie readandpost wrote:
>>>>> great response gail.
>>>>> i can only add a BIG DITTO!
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>>>>> news:vg5kklm5lefp6d@corp.supernews.com...
>>>>>> massivegr wrote:
>>>>>>> Hey everyone, first post and a proper long one.
>>>>>>> I feel like a psychotherapy blackmail victim and I'm freaking
>>>>>>> out.
>>>>>>> Basically, I have only started psychotherapy for a month but my
>>>>>>> sister
>>>>>>> has been doing therapy with the same therapist for the last 4
>>>>>>> years
>>>>>>> and my parents for the last 2 years. I went because I felt
>>>>>>> confused
>>>>>>> about what I should do with my life, since I just finished the
>>>>>>> military service (compulsory in Greece). Within a month the
>>>>>>> therapist
>>>>>>> nearly convinced me that I have a very serious drug problem and
>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>> need
>>>>>>> serious help.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> You did say, "Nearly"? Have you convinced yourself?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> She suggested The Meadows in Arizona, US. But today,
>>>>>>> both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will
>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>> to "imagine the world without me". This sounds to me like
>>>>>>> blackmail.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Nope! Not blackmail at all. They love you and probably see what
>>>>>> the
>>>>>> drugs
>>>>>> are doing to you. You haven't told us why they want you to go to
>>>>>> treatment.
>>>>>> What have *You* done to make them want to see you get help?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Like
>>>>>>> "you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be
>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>> one
>>>>>>> WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with
>>>>>>> you.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Truth is, they just might have to do that for their sanity and
>>>>>> well
>>>>>> being.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I
>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>> proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> How on earth did you prove that to yourself? How long did you
>>>>>> live
>>>>>> without
>>>>>> them?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> This must
>>>>>>> me very confusing to anyone reading it, so I won't try to
>>>>>>> "clarify"
>>>>>>> it
>>>>>>> anymore; It seems even more confusing.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Not confusing at all. :)
>>>>>>
>>>>>> http://addictions.org/signs.htm
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Best,
>>>>>> Gail

[pauly]

rosie readandpost wrote:
> ((((((((((gail)))))))))))))))))
> that is so tough to watch...............my oldest daughter went
> through that "denial" stuff and as i remember it, blamed me for
> ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!
Denial in the usual sense of the word IMO doesn't exist. You cannot lie to
yourself it is impossible as you know when you are telling lies, even if you
are taking drugs or are drunk. Denial only exists in lying to others. You
may be able to convince others that you do not have a problem, but you will
never truly convince yourself. I just tried to tell myself I looked a lot
like Bradd Pitt, it nearly worked for a minute, then I looked in the mirror.
:-)

[Blue Moon]

On Thu, 3 Jul 2003 00:47:28 +0100, "pauly"
<paul.youles@REMOVETHISvirgin.net> wrote:

>Denial in the usual sense of the word IMO doesn't exist. You cannot lie to
>yourself it is impossible as you know when you are telling lies, even if you
>are taking drugs or are drunk.

This is nonsense - unless you're trying to suggest an unusual usage of
the word "denial" as being usual. If you knew you were unable to
drink successfully, why would you drink? Anyone without denial would
just quit. Self-delusion and self-deception is a big mark of an
alcoholic.

--
Blue Moon

[Blue Moon]

On 2 Jul 2003 04:49:55 -0700, massivegr@yahoo.com (massivegr) wrote:

>But today,
>both my dad and my sister told me that if I don't go they will have to
>"imagine the world without me".

They must have had some reason for saying that.

>This sounds to me like blackmail.

Probably. Have you ever blackmailed them with false promises etc.
whilst drugging?

>Like
>"you make the choice that's best for you, but it had better be the one
>WE think is best or else we will have to break any contact with you.

That's entirely their option.

>The thing is I really believe that drugs are behind me and I have
>proved to myself I don't need it and I can live without it.

Then live without it. What's the big deal here? Are you still using?
If not, a nice stay away from home could just be a welcome break. If
you are, you've tried bullshitting here also :)

--
Blue Moon

[pauly]

Blue Moon wrote:
> On Thu, 3 Jul 2003 00:47:28 +0100, "pauly"
> <paul.youles@REMOVETHISvirgin.net> wrote:
>
>> Denial in the usual sense of the word IMO doesn't exist. You cannot
>> lie to yourself it is impossible as you know when you are telling
>> lies, even if you are taking drugs or are drunk.
>
> This is nonsense - unless you're trying to suggest an unusual usage of
> the word "denial" as being usual. If you knew you were unable to
> drink successfully, why would you drink? Anyone without denial would
> just quit. Self-delusion and self-deception is a big mark of an
> alcoholic.

I don't thing you are deceiving yourself when you pick up that drink as you
do know what will happen and where it will lead. You may tell others that '
you can handle it', but from experience you can't truly convince yourself.
You may try to tell yourself that it will be different this time, but at the
back of the mind that doubt is there as plain as day. If you go ahead and do
it, you are practising bad judgement.

[Blue Moon]

"pauly" <paul.youles@REMOVETHISvirgin.net> wrote in message news:<kwSMa.366$Mr6.19@newsfep3-gui.server.ntli.net>...

> I don't thing you are deceiving yourself when you pick up that drink as you
> do know what will happen and where it will lead. You may tell others that '
> you can handle it', but from experience you can't truly convince yourself.
> You may try to tell yourself that it will be different this time, but at the
> back of the mind that doubt is there as plain as day. If you go ahead and do
> it, you are practising bad judgement.

That's quite possible. But some people drink without even realising
what they're doing. Drinking can become just a natural part of an
alcoholic's life. Things only become unnatural when they quit. For
an alcoholic of the type AA was created for, there are times when he
has no effective mental defence against the first drink.

Now my ex- certainly had a problem with my drinking. But that was her
problem. I was unable to see why she had a problem. Alcohol was
support, something that enabled me to do things I couldn't otherwise
do, something I needed in order to deal with life's stresses.

When I drank I knew a new freedom and a new happiness. I did not
regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I comprehended the
word serenity and I knew peace. No matter how far down the scale I
had gone I saw how my experience could benefit others. That feeling
of uselessness and self-pity disappeared. I lost interest in selfish
things and gained interest in my fellows. Self-seeking slipped away.
My whole attitude and outlook upon life changed. Fear of people and
of economic insecurity left me. I intuitively knew how to handle
situations which used to baffle me.

If others had a problem with that, that was their problem and not
mine. Likewise if anyone has a problem with recovery, that's still
their problem.

[Gregg Fowler]

Instead of Blackmail isn't the proper term intervention?

Gregg

"Blue Moon" <mfoco_uk@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
news:7747c27d.0307030654.346ea2b7@posting.google.c om...
> "pauly" <paul.youles@REMOVETHISvirgin.net> wrote in message
news:<kwSMa.366$Mr6.19@newsfep3-gui.server.ntli.net>...
>
> > I don't thing you are deceiving yourself when you pick up that drink as
you
> > do know what will happen and where it will lead. You may tell others
that '
> > you can handle it', but from experience you can't truly convince
yourself.
> > You may try to tell yourself that it will be different this time, but at
the
> > back of the mind that doubt is there as plain as day. If you go ahead
and do
> > it, you are practising bad judgement.
>
> That's quite possible. But some people drink without even realising
> what they're doing. Drinking can become just a natural part of an
> alcoholic's life. Things only become unnatural when they quit. For
> an alcoholic of the type AA was created for, there are times when he
> has no effective mental defence against the first drink.
>
> Now my ex- certainly had a problem with my drinking. But that was her
> problem. I was unable to see why she had a problem. Alcohol was
> support, something that enabled me to do things I couldn't otherwise
> do, something I needed in order to deal with life's stresses.
>
> When I drank I knew a new freedom and a new happiness. I did not
> regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I comprehended the
> word serenity and I knew peace. No matter how far down the scale I
> had gone I saw how my experience could benefit others. That feeling
> of uselessness and self-pity disappeared. I lost interest in selfish
> things and gained interest in my fellows. Self-seeking slipped away.
> My whole attitude and outlook upon life changed. Fear of people and
> of economic insecurity left me. I intuitively knew how to handle
> situations which used to baffle me.
>
> If others had a problem with that, that was their problem and not
> mine. Likewise if anyone has a problem with recovery, that's still
> their problem.