newbie here needs advice

[cherrycup]

Hi there, hope someone can help,

basically since i met my husband, who was just made redundant and had a habit of going to pubs and of course i would go too, so drinking was regular habit soon after, then I took a pub on as a tenant thinking it would be a partnership with hubby, but the pressure of it all soon got too much, ended up with an 'severe anxiety disorder' so the doc said, well you can imagine free to use the 'top shelf' anytime was the easy way out, apart from when doing the bookwork! Really the job has damaged my marriage, not just the hours involved but we had some really 'unruly' customers to manage, security was a problem there as well. It did cause some stress.

since then was out of work and a routine started of a mate coming round and every day ended up in a pub, now hubby is working and im stuck in the house, i have lost my confidence and dont like to go out alone, a trip to local shop is a three stage mission, one geting there, two in the shop and three oh bliss on the way home, sounds daft really but its how i cope,
well, marriage still rocky, its a circle, weekends we go out, end up with hubby finding fault with something then an argument starts, he sulks for days and wont talk so i get depressed and hit the bottle, and its now that bad that i really cant eat, i think of food, cook it, then after one mouthfull i dont want anymore, I know its getting bad, lost alot of well all i can say is body tissue, not weight and pains are bad, hubby goes to work early in morning, i get up with him then go back to bed, trying to have a sleep and end up having my mind racing around with thoughts, every thing seems like an obstacle, and normally end up with being in panic attacks over nothing, daft thoughts, sickness etc. Hubby dosnt understand and only says 'pull yourself together', lol easy for him, so far this week had car broke into, a message saying son is wanted with warrant for his arrest, and i cant get hold of him to find out if its true, so not exactly having good time and as usual its the bottle comes out, I try not to but it just happens,

I really want to get out of this rut, i used to be so strong and able to cope with everything, now my mind is like one of those old 8 track tapes, going around together, feel so isolated stuck in the house after the pub where social life was always there, now its just 14 hours a day on my own, I really could do with some tips how to deal with this, I know my health is fading but i really cant control it anymore, so any ideas or advice would be appreciated.

TIA

Jan

All i am asking if anyone has similar

[Fred Exley]

Hi Jan. My experience is not at all similar to yours, except that alcohol
has a pretty consistent track record of what it does to all of us over time.
Your 'severe anxiety disorder' is probably from more than just the alcohol,
but you know the alcohol is making it worse, and making it SEEM worse too.
Not long ago I was extremely depressed, concluded I was pretty much in a
hole I could not get out of, felt I had to drink round the clock to keep
from panicking, and just couldn't stop drinking. Somehow I forced myself
to take vitamins, and try to eat a bit, and was amazed how much more
clear-headed I quickly became just from that little step. No profound words
of wisdom here, but it may just give you a bit of traction against your
downward slide. -Fred



"cherrycup" <cherrycup@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:bvsq7m$vr68k$1@ID-85726.news.uni-berlin.de...
Hi there, hope someone can help,

basically since i met my husband, who was just made redundant and had a
habit of going to pubs and of course i would go too, so drinking was regular
habit soon after, then I took a pub on as a tenant thinking it would be a
partnership with hubby, but the pressure of it all soon got too much, ended
up with an 'severe anxiety disorder' so the doc said, well you can imagine
free to use the 'top shelf' anytime was the easy way out, apart from when
doing the bookwork! Really the job has damaged my marriage, not just the
hours involved but we had some really 'unruly' customers to manage, security
was a problem there as well. It did cause some stress.

since then was out of work and a routine started of a mate coming round and
every day ended up in a pub, now hubby is working and im stuck in the house,
i have lost my confidence and dont like to go out alone, a trip to local
shop is a three stage mission, one geting there, two in the shop and three
oh bliss on the way home, sounds daft really but its how i cope,
well, marriage still rocky, its a circle, weekends we go out, end up with
hubby finding fault with something then an argument starts, he sulks for
days and wont talk so i get depressed and hit the bottle, and its now that
bad that i really cant eat, i think of food, cook it, then after one
mouthfull i dont want anymore, I know its getting bad, lost alot of well all
i can say is body tissue, not weight and pains are bad, hubby goes to work
early in morning, i get up with him then go back to bed, trying to have a
sleep and end up having my mind racing around with thoughts, every thing
seems like an obstacle, and normally end up with being in panic attacks over
nothing, daft thoughts, sickness etc. Hubby dosnt understand and only says
'pull yourself together', lol easy for him, so far this week had car broke
into, a message saying son is wanted with warrant for his arrest, and i cant
get hold of him to find out if its true, so not exactly having good time and
as usual its the bottle comes out, I try not to but it just happens,

I really want to get out of this rut, i used to be so strong and able to
cope with everything, now my mind is like one of those old 8 track tapes,
going around together, feel so isolated stuck in the house after the pub
where social life was always there, now its just 14 hours a day on my own, I
really could do with some tips how to deal with this, I know my health is
fading but i really cant control it anymore, so any ideas or advice would be
appreciated.

TIA

Jan

All i am asking if anyone has similar

[cherrycup]

thanks Fred, am taking berocca tabs most days if i remember! they do help, gives me a spurt of energy to keep going, but its just the eating, i think while in bed what to do for dinner, whether steak n all the trimmings or just bangers and mash, look forward to it, but i just cant eat it, lol used to do a roast with up to 10 veg and scoff the lot!, think a baby eats more than me now, will have to try my favourite, chicken ala king, ok ok that has white wine in it but its cooked! that i do like, prob could nibble on that during the day, just hubby dosnt like fancy foods, so i dont cook much for myself really, should do i know, off to raid the freezer see if i have all the ingredients,

thanks for replying,

love Jan

[Plug]

"cherrycup" <cherrycup@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:bvsq7m$vr68k$1@ID-85726.news.uni-berlin.de...
Hi there, hope someone can help,

I really want to get out of this rut, i used to be so strong and able to
cope with everything, now my mind is like one of those old 8 track tapes,
going around together, feel so isolated stuck in the house after the pub
where social life was always there, now its just 14 hours a day on my own, I
really could do with some tips how to deal with this, I know my health is
fading but i really cant control it anymore, so any ideas or advice would be
appreciated.

Hi Jan,
I guess I was in a rut too, which is why I gave up drinking. Everything
just got too much so I would escape into the bottle....when I analyse it,
"everything" was nothing really, it just became a huge problem. Maybe I
made it a huge problem to justify my drinking?

Anyway, everyone is different - what worked for me might not work for you.
Take what you want and leave the rest.

My first priority was to stop drinking. That was really tough but I did it.
Some people need help - from AA or your doctor or both. Don't see asking
for help as a weakness - it's not. It's a strength - you are acknowledging
you have a problem and that is not always easy.

Once you have stopped drinking - I would suggest you need to get out of the
house. I don't know where you live or any of your other circumstances - but
I would start with the library and start reading or start learning about
computers or join the local keep fit circle or learn to swim. Whatever
rocks your boat!

And keep posting. There are some good people on here!
Deb/Bubba

[cherrycup]

thanks for reply, somehow it seemed that theres not many people like me around, i do know a few alcoholics who have no worries at all, but im just a worrier drinker, have had days without a drop then something happens to kick it off again, my phobia on going out is probably tied to this, but nerves really bad some days, heck i had to cancel three doctors appointments at last minute, only managed to go yesterday and that was ok in the end but still had to force myself, think my nerves really react on being with people and lol, i hate going into crowded pubs, get the feeling i will spill my pint so now end up on shorts which i know is not good. The funniest thing was two weeks ago, we went to a 'quietish' pub on sunday, i went to get a table, hubby at bar, asked for a pint and a house double whisky n coke, one dash, and when he brought it up i tried it and thought as from having a pub before the postmix was running out and more soda water was there than coke, didnt realise till third time that the barmaid who must have been new was using the large optic twice! so there i was on quadruple whisky n single dash of coke! Must be some drinkers dream there! well was a cheap day for us!

I agree in trying something to get out, would like to go swimming again if i could get step daughter to come with me, feel rather concious of my figure, still got the stomach but legs and arms thin, wouldnt mind if i was in Tunisia where no one really knows you for long, I love the sea!

back to the lucozade here!

Jan


"Plug" <gluggaglug@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:bvtdlg$g7f$1@hercules.btinternet.com...
>
> "cherrycup" <cherrycup@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
> news:bvsq7m$vr68k$1@ID-85726.news.uni-berlin.de...
> Hi there, hope someone can help,
>
> I really want to get out of this rut, i used to be so strong and able to
> cope with everything, now my mind is like one of those old 8 track tapes,
> going around together, feel so isolated stuck in the house after the pub
> where social life was always there, now its just 14 hours a day on my own, I
> really could do with some tips how to deal with this, I know my health is
> fading but i really cant control it anymore, so any ideas or advice would be
> appreciated.
>
> Hi Jan,
> I guess I was in a rut too, which is why I gave up drinking. Everything
> just got too much so I would escape into the bottle....when I analyse it,
> "everything" was nothing really, it just became a huge problem. Maybe I
> made it a huge problem to justify my drinking?
>
> Anyway, everyone is different - what worked for me might not work for you.
> Take what you want and leave the rest.
>
> My first priority was to stop drinking. That was really tough but I did it.
> Some people need help - from AA or your doctor or both. Don't see asking
> for help as a weakness - it's not. It's a strength - you are acknowledging
> you have a problem and that is not always easy.
>
> Once you have stopped drinking - I would suggest you need to get out of the
> house. I don't know where you live or any of your other circumstances - but
> I would start with the library and start reading or start learning about
> computers or join the local keep fit circle or learn to swim. Whatever
> rocks your boat!
>
> And keep posting. There are some good people on here!
> Deb/Bubba
>
>
>

[rosie]

I really want to get out of this rut, i used to be so strong and
able to cope with everything, now my mind is like one of those old 8
track tapes, going around together, feel so isolated stuck in the
house after the pub where social life was always there, now its just
14 hours a day on my own, I really could do with some tips how to
deal with this, I know my health is fading but i really cant control
it anymore, so any ideas or advice would be appreciated.

TIA

Jan



dear jan,
what you have describe IS INDEED a rut, but there are solutions!
there are ALWAYS solutions, i believe.

the first step is to talk about it with someone, who can help you to
change the things that you can change.

imo, you need to stop drinking, because i believe that it is
clouding "everything"..............(your outlook etc)

if you are unable to quit drinking on your own, get some help.
why not see your doctor and discuss this?

you are in my thoughts and prayers!
i remember hearing a speaker at an AA meeting, say that he thought
the HOUSEWIFE had the toughest time with quitting drinking, and
asking for help!
i agree!

rosie

[cherrycup]

thanks for message, am really trying today, have had a terrible night and bad nerves attack this morning, I agree with the housewife bit, I have had alot of strain with family over the last year, my son thought hubby had hit me, when all i did was trip over a pup, was a nasty gash to my face though, so son went and attacked my husband with intent of doing real harm, that was the last straw and son had to move out as he and my husband have not got on for several years, the worry over where my son was and what trouble with the police he could be in really made meee bad, think their bad relationship and the arguments me and husband had over it started my drinking off and the longer my husband 'sulked' and wouldnt talk after a row made it worse. Hoping husband can see that now and will calm down a bit.

One thing i can do without at the moment is having 6 puppies to look after, the mum has just stopped feeding and they now follow me around and im always having to keep fetching them back in the room all day!

Well im starting by not going out this weekend to the pub, sure drink too much in a short space of time so will stop in with a bottle of wine at night.
Am doing good here at the moment, even if im having a nervous attack, got a bottle infront of me and literally talking to it saying im not touching it till later, though i did feel tempted when this attack came on.

Jan

[Kirk S]

"cherrycup" <cherrycup@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:c005va$10g207$1@ID-85726.news.uni-berlin.de...
thanks for message, am really trying today, have had a terrible night and
bad nerves attack this morning, I agree with the housewife bit, I have had
alot of strain with family over the last year, my son thought hubby had hit
me, when all i did was trip over a pup, was a nasty gash to my face though,
so son went and attacked my husband with intent of doing real harm, that was
the last straw and son had to move out as he and my husband have not got on
for several years, the worry over where my son was and what trouble with the
police he could be in really made meee bad, think their bad relationship and
the arguments me and husband had over it started my drinking off and the
longer my husband 'sulked' and wouldnt talk after a row made it worse.
Hoping husband can see that now and will calm down a bit.

You cannot make yourself responsible for their choices. Just as they cannot
make themselves responsible for your choices.

One thing i can do without at the moment is having 6 puppies to look after,
the mum has just stopped feeding and they now follow me around and im always
having to keep fetching them back in the room all day!

Well im starting by not going out this weekend to the pub, sure drink too
much in a short space of time so will stop in with a bottle of wine at
night.
Am doing good here at the moment, even if im having a nervous attack, got a
bottle infront of me and literally talking to it saying im not touching it
till later, though i did feel tempted when this attack came on.

I would get rid of the bottle of wine NOW. That is like someone that is
quitting smoking walking around with a cigarette in their mouth. Call a
friend or family member you can talk to about how you feel. Do something,
anything other than sit looking at it. Read a book, do some dishes,
laundry, etc. to get yourself out of that place.

Jan

We have all been there. The drink won't solve anything and will just help
break down your self-respect. You are worth it and will make it without the
drink.

Kirk S.