My Sister who I love!!!

[Caroline Green]

HI all,

New to the newsgroup thing and dont know really what to do.

I am not the alcoholic but my sister is.

February 2001 she was admitted to hospital with chronic liver failure -
spent 5 weeks in ICU - and amazingly pulled through and left hospital 16
weeks after first being admitted,

3 weeks ago she fell - (yes she is still drinking but not as bad and that is
only because she is not physically capable of drinking the amount or type of
alcohol she had been) and broke her thigh bone. Long story but had OP back
in ICU for 3 weeks and yesterday managed to get onto the ward but her
internal bits and piecies, except her heart, are in a dreadful state -
needs a liver transplant (NO CHANCE), spleen poising her blood. kidneys not
working (first her pee was orange now tonight it was brown)!!!

There is so much I want to say - so much I want to ask of other people
because now she is talking but she still dosnt see what has gone on.

I love her to bits and the last 2 years I have had with her have been the
best I have known for 43 years. Yes she is only 43 years old. She hasnt
got long left as she wont stop - what do I do or what can I do!!!

Not just for me but for our parents - they are 67 and their hearts are
breaking.

[Bobby L.]

"Caroline Green" <caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:bvc31v$vmd$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk...
> HI all,
>
> New to the newsgroup thing and dont know really what to do.
>
> I am not the alcoholic but my sister is.
>
> February 2001 she was admitted to hospital with chronic liver failure -
> spent 5 weeks in ICU - and amazingly pulled through and left hospital 16
> weeks after first being admitted,
>
> 3 weeks ago she fell - (yes she is still drinking but not as bad and that
is
> only because she is not physically capable of drinking the amount or type
of
> alcohol she had been) and broke her thigh bone. Long story but had OP
back
> in ICU for 3 weeks and yesterday managed to get onto the ward but her
> internal bits and piecies, except her heart, are in a dreadful state -
> needs a liver transplant (NO CHANCE), spleen poising her blood. kidneys
not
> working (first her pee was orange now tonight it was brown)!!!
>
> There is so much I want to say - so much I want to ask of other people
> because now she is talking but she still dosnt see what has gone on.
>
> I love her to bits and the last 2 years I have had with her have been the
> best I have known for 43 years. Yes she is only 43 years old. She hasnt
> got long left as she wont stop - what do I do or what can I do!!!
>
> Not just for me but for our parents - they are 67 and their hearts are
> breaking.
>
>

Ask to go ahead and complete a will and to write what she would like on her
tombstone.

[Christine]

>HI all,

Hi Caroline

>New to the newsgroup thing and dont know really what to do.
>
>I am not the alcoholic but my sister is.

You're story touched me deeply. I am so sorry you have to watch your sister
put herself and your family through such pain. It sounds as if there is no
chance for her recovery ... I am sad ... for you, your parents, your sister and
all of us.

I don't have any words of wisdom to help you through this. For that, I am
sorry. I can thank you, however, for coming here and telling us about your
sisters suffering. I can easily see it ... earlier today I was thinking how
scary it is because, at times, I would give it all up, destroy my attempt at
sobriety all together, if I could just *be* drunk. Not get drunk (like I was
weak enough to do last weekend as we all know) but *be* drunk like I have been
for that 10 years. While you and your sister suffer, you give me strength.
Know that everything has a purpose, and while it may not be evident to you at
this moment, hopefully some day you will find that purpose. I will pray for
your family, Caroline.

[neuro equipoise]

On Thu, Jan 29, 2004, 10:55pm (EST+5) caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk
(Caroline*Green) wrote:

> I love her to bits and the last 2 years I have
> had with her have been the best I have
> known for 43 years. Yes she is only 43 years
> old. She hasnt got long left as she wont stop -
> what do I do or what can I do!!!
> Not just for me but for our parents - they are
> 67 and their hearts are breaking.

Healing is also about making peace with life, reconciling regrets and
loving unconditionally. This allows one to feel "whole" even while the
body is being ravaged by incurable disease.

Cherish each day that is left, and be grateful for all the love she's
shared.

[Julie LaRue]

FOR YOU:
Try to accept the fact that your sister has a disease that kills most of
those that have it.
FOR HER:
Call your local AA office and tell them her current condition and ask them
to send someone to talk to her. While this will not help her medical
condition it will certainly provide a means for her to find some peace in
her life and allow another alcoholic the opportunity to give something to
one of us who is suffering.
Many prayers to you and your family,
Julie



"Caroline Green" <caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:bvc31v$vmd$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk...
> HI all,
>
> New to the newsgroup thing and dont know really what to do.
>
> I am not the alcoholic but my sister is.
>
> February 2001 she was admitted to hospital with chronic liver failure -
> spent 5 weeks in ICU - and amazingly pulled through and left hospital 16
> weeks after first being admitted,
>
> 3 weeks ago she fell - (yes she is still drinking but not as bad and that
is
> only because she is not physically capable of drinking the amount or type
of
> alcohol she had been) and broke her thigh bone. Long story but had OP
back
> in ICU for 3 weeks and yesterday managed to get onto the ward but her
> internal bits and piecies, except her heart, are in a dreadful state -
> needs a liver transplant (NO CHANCE), spleen poising her blood. kidneys
not
> working (first her pee was orange now tonight it was brown)!!!
>
> There is so much I want to say - so much I want to ask of other people
> because now she is talking but she still dosnt see what has gone on.
>
> I love her to bits and the last 2 years I have had with her have been the
> best I have known for 43 years. Yes she is only 43 years old. She hasnt
> got long left as she wont stop - what do I do or what can I do!!!
>
> Not just for me but for our parents - they are 67 and their hearts are
> breaking.
>
>

[Caroline Green]

"Julie LaRue" <Sissi_Julie@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:CwlSb.2797$GO6.2147@newsread3.news.atl.earthl ink.net...
> FOR YOU:
> Try to accept the fact that your sister has a disease that kills most of
> those that have it.
> FOR HER:
> Call your local AA office and tell them her current condition and ask them
> to send someone to talk to her. While this will not help her medical
> condition it will certainly provide a means for her to find some peace in
> her life and allow another alcoholic the opportunity to give something to
> one of us who is suffering.
> Many prayers to you and your family,
> Julie
>
>
>
> "Caroline Green" <caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:bvc31v$vmd$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk...
> > HI all,
> >
> > New to the newsgroup thing and dont know really what to do.
> >
> > I am not the alcoholic but my sister is.
> >
> > February 2001 she was admitted to hospital with chronic liver failure -
> > spent 5 weeks in ICU - and amazingly pulled through and left hospital 16
> > weeks after first being admitted,
> >
> > 3 weeks ago she fell - (yes she is still drinking but not as bad and
that
> is
> > only because she is not physically capable of drinking the amount or
type
> of
> > alcohol she had been) and broke her thigh bone. Long story but had OP
> back
> > in ICU for 3 weeks and yesterday managed to get onto the ward but her
> > internal bits and piecies, except her heart, are in a dreadful state -
> > needs a liver transplant (NO CHANCE), spleen poising her blood. kidneys
> not
> > working (first her pee was orange now tonight it was brown)!!!
> >
> > There is so much I want to say - so much I want to ask of other people
> > because now she is talking but she still dosnt see what has gone on.
> >
> > I love her to bits and the last 2 years I have had with her have been
the
> > best I have known for 43 years. Yes she is only 43 years old. She
hasnt
> > got long left as she wont stop - what do I do or what can I do!!!
> >
> > Not just for me but for our parents - they are 67 and their hearts are
> > breaking.
> >
> >
> Thank you all so much for your kind messages. She did make a will 2
years ago when she came out of hospital and ironically her amended will came
back in the post 3 days after she was admitted to hospital this time.

I do cherish the last two years with her and will cherish even more the
little time we have left.

When I sent my original message last night I had just got home from the
hospital and am heartbroken. She is alert and able to talk to us but is
living in a little world of her own and all we can do is "humour" her for
want of a better word.

I know that if she does manage to be discharged from the hospital she will
carry on drinking. She cant physically leave the house on her own as she
has to be escorted everywhere as she cannot walk that well so she orders her
alcohol from the internet and has it delivered to the house. I dont argue
with her - I have long ago accepted that she is an Alcoholic and that it is
a disease and that she will never stop. All I can let her do is carry on -
it seems ironic, other people wouldnt understand, but she is drinking, she
is killing herself, but in her own way she is happy. I have never seen her
as happy as she has been for the last two years and in some way that does
give me comfort.

We have tried to go down the AA route with her and she adamantly states
"i'm not sitting in a room with a load of P*** heads". There is no point
telling her she is one as well. She knows she is. But she has never
actually said "i am an alcoholic".

Anyway, thanks again for your kind messages and prayers.

Caroline
>

[JB]

"Caroline Green" <caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:bvc31v$vmd$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk...
> HI all,
>
> New to the newsgroup thing and dont know really what to do.
>
> I am not the alcoholic but my sister is.
>
> February 2001 she was admitted to hospital with chronic liver
failure -
> spent 5 weeks in ICU - and amazingly pulled through and left
hospital 16
> weeks after first being admitted,
>
> 3 weeks ago she fell - (yes she is still drinking but not as bad and
that is
> only because she is not physically capable of drinking the amount or
type of
> alcohol she had been) and broke her thigh bone. Long story but had
OP back
> in ICU for 3 weeks and yesterday managed to get onto the ward but
her
> internal bits and piecies, except her heart, are in a dreadful
state -
> needs a liver transplant (NO CHANCE), spleen poising her blood.
kidneys not
> working (first her pee was orange now tonight it was brown)!!!
>
> There is so much I want to say - so much I want to ask of other
people
> because now she is talking but she still dosnt see what has gone on.
>
> I love her to bits and the last 2 years I have had with her have
been the
> best I have known for 43 years. Yes she is only 43 years old. She
hasnt
> got long left as she wont stop - what do I do or what can I do!!!
>
> Not just for me but for our parents - they are 67 and their hearts
are
> breaking.
>

Dear Caroline,

I do not know how best to express my sadness for your family but I
hope you can accept that I feel it..

If you think that your sister might benefit from meeting alcoholics
who have managed to give up drinking, I suggest you contact AA.

I hope that you and maybe your parents will consider contacting
Al-anon which is an organisation which offers support and advice to
the famlies of alcholics.

Sympathetically yours

JB

>......................I would give it all up, destroy my attempt at
> sobriety all together, if I could just *be* drunk. Not get drunk
(like I was
> weak enough to do last weekend as we all know) but *be* drunk like
I have been
> for that 10 years.


christine,
what is all that about? have you talked to your sponsor about it?
what would the advantage of *BEING DRUNK do for you?

rosie

[JB]

"Caroline Green" <caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:bvd7ti$sl0$1@news6.svr.pol.co.uk...
> "Julie LaRue" <Sissi_Julie@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:CwlSb.2797$GO6.2147@newsread3.news.atl.earthl ink.net...
<snip>
> > Call your local AA office and tell them her current condition and
ask them
> > to send someone to talk to her. While this will not help her
medical
> > condition it will certainly provide a means for her to find some
peace in
> > her life and allow another alcoholic the opportunity to give
something to
> > one of us who is suffering.
> > Many prayers to you and your family,
> > Julie

Caroline wrote:
<snip>
> We have tried to go down the AA route with her and she adamantly
states
> "i'm not sitting in a room with a load of P*** heads". There is no
point
> telling her she is one as well. She knows she is. But she has
never
> actually said "i am an alcoholic".
>
> Anyway, thanks again for your kind messages and prayers.
>
> Caroline
> >
Dear Caroline,

No-one needs to consider themselves an "alcoholic" in order to be a
member of AA. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
drinking.

When I started going to AA meetings last summer, I would not say that
I was an alcoholic even though I had previously admitted here to
being one. At that time, I felt more comfortable disclosing this
info to people I was never likely to meet rather than to those whom I
was going to meet face-to-face each week. Furthermore, I've told few
in my family that I'm an alcoholic. It's been easy for me to keep
this info secret from those family members whom I've thought might be
hurt by the news because my circumstances are such that I've rarely
seen my family in recent years and I'm not now drinking.

By listening to people at my AA meetings, I've learnt that others also
initially found it impossible to admit to being an alcoholic. I've
also met people who used to drink and go to meetings who've
discovered they've possessed the ability (I think those are
appropriate words) to stop drinking, and who have been able to
acquire the tools (in the shape of AA's 12 Step programme), courage,
strength and support they've needed to keep them each day since they
decided to quit drinking from not drinking.

If anything I've said helps you in any way, I shall think that a
good thing :^)

Wishing for you and your family whatever courage, strength and
support you feel you'll need to cope with what lies ahead.

Yours

JB

>
> Rosie, there is no advantage to being drunk.

agreed!
i needed to learn a "few tools" before i really believed that.
in the early days of my quit, i just "didn't drink" because i
couldn't.
in that time, some very wonderful AA folks helped me to learn the
tools.




> I was just trying to point out that this desease is so powerful,
that
> after everything I have been through and put loved ones through, I
could easily
> turn towards the bottle again ... I'm an alcoholic.


absolutely!

[Christine]

>
>christine,
>what is all that about? have you talked to your sponsor about it?
>what would the advantage of *BEING DRUNK do for you?
>
>rosie

Rosie, there is no advantage to being drunk. I would just be slowly killing
myself. I was just trying to point out that this desease is so powerful, that
after everything I have been through and put loved ones through, I could easily
turn towards the bottle again ... I'm an alcoholic.

[neuro equipoise]

On - Fri, Jan 30, 2004, 9:25am (EST+5) caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk
(Caroline*Green) wrote:

> She cant physically leave the house on her
> own as she has to be escorted everywhere as
> she cannot walk that well so she orders her
> alcohol from the internet and has it delivered
> to the house. All I can let her do is carry on -
> it seems ironic, other people wouldnt
> understand, but she is drinking, she is killing
> herself, but in her own way she is happy.

Caroline, in your original post, you've mentioned the serious kidney
disease, her falling and breaking a leg bone, her mental state etc. Is
your sister on dialysis?

This excerpt below explains "encephalopathy"
which is a late stage alcoholic condition describing the same symptoms
you mention, and this reference states that a thiamine deficiency which
is common in alcoholics is also made *worse* during dialysis. Is your
sister receiving thiamine?


Research Quote:

"Encephalopathy. Encephalopathy is is a neurologic disorder caused by a
nutritional thiamine deficiency. The disorder is characterized by ocular
abnormalities, ataxia (a condition characterized by clumsiness, a lack
of coordination, or irregular involuntary movements), and acute mental
confusion.

Encephalopathy is most commonly associated with chronic alcohol abuse,
but it can occur in any individual suffering from poor nutrition. The
mortality rate is high, but early treatment may correct all
abnormalities.

Here is the important background information that the authors give us:
encephalopathy is common in patients with end-stage renal disease (ESRD)
who are undergoing hemodialysis and/or peritoneal dialysis, in some
cases, the cause of the encephalopathy is unexplained, dialysis patients
are at risk for thiamine deficiency (defined as thiamine concentrations
below 50 nmol/Liters of blood) because of poor nutrition and increased
loss of water-soluble vitamins in the dialysis procedure, various
clinical signs of thiamine deficiency, such as mental confusion,
congestive heart failure, and lactic acidosis, are similar to
complications of uremia, which makes an early diagnosis of
encephalopathy more difficult, thiamine deficiency might be an important
contributor to unexplained encephalopathy in dialysis patients."

http://www.coloradohealthsite.org/CHNReports/dialysis_thiamine.html

[The Other Harry]

[On Thu, 29 Jan 2004 22:55:57 -0000, "Caroline Green"
<caroline@seagreen40.fsnet.co.uk> wrote:]

> New to the newsgroup thing and dont know really what to do.

<snip>

Caroline, your message ate my heart out. It reminded me
of trying to deal with mother, who was an alcoholic, and
with my father. who had a few loose screws. They were
both good people. Over a period of several decades, I did
my best to help them. I may have extended their lives
some, but I failed.

Now their problems visit me.

You may want to look into alanon. That is a support group
for family members of people who have drinking problems.

Mostly, I think you first need to forgive yourself. We
drunks kill ourselves this way. There is no one other
than me who can help me. The people on this newsgroup and
at AA meetings and my shrink, etc -- they can all give me
things to think about. But ultimately it is entirely up
to me.

All I think you can do for your sister is to love her. We
sometimes get to a point where we just don't care anymore.
It is better to be drunk and dying. Passed out on the
couch at 11:00 in the morning.

That obviously isn't good, but I don't know how you can
change that for someone else.

Hold her hand.

--
Harry

[Cheggers]

> Hold her hand.


Harry never spoke a truer word. But I want to go one better: exhaust
her with laughter and love.

Let me please offer this: since things have rarely been better between
you and your sister, it would surely be neat if you could enjoy every
minute and make the *absolute* most of the time you have left to spend
with her.

I am not a medic but - as you seem to be fairly well aware, yourself
(and -- from my bar-side, anecdotal "alkie" knowledge) it truly
doesn't look good for your sis.

The knowledge of your sister's illness helps spur me on towards
recovery... and probably many others here, too. Your sharing it brings
forward the possibility of recovery in others like me in your sister's
name.

I'll be thinking of you both.

All good wishes,

Cheggers2004

[Caroline Green]

To you all who read this and who have replied to my posts.

I never for one minute thought that my sharing the problems with my sister
would help you all in your recovery programs or anyone who is "thinking"
they may possibly need help.

PLEASE PLEASE - when you think of picking up the next drink think about the
pain are will ultimately put yourselves through and your loved ones. Even
if you are not in touch with your family because of your drinking, as was
the case with my sister, they will still love you and if you do end up
becoming so ill that you need hospitalisation FIGHT it all the way.

My sister did that and was lucky enough to have a second chance of life -
but that was not enough for her. She carried on drinking and we are back in
the same position now. She did build alot of bridges during the last two
years - and we all helped her build these bridges. All the bad feelings,
things that were said, things that were done were all put behind us. She is
a daughter, a sister, and an aunt and is a wonderful person who has insisted
on destroying herself. She will be remembered by us all for who she was -
not what she was.

THINK OF YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR LOVED ONES WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR
GLASS!!

Anyone struggling my prayers are with you all.

Best wishes
Caroline

[Christine]

>> Hold her hand.
>
>
>Harry never spoke a truer word. But I want to go one better: exhaust
>her with laughter and love.
>
>Let me please offer this: since things have rarely been better between
>you and your sister, it would surely be neat if you could enjoy every
>minute and make the *absolute* most of the time you have left to spend
>with her.
>
>I am not a medic but - as you seem to be fairly well aware, yourself
>(and -- from my bar-side, anecdotal "alkie" knowledge) it truly
>doesn't look good for your sis.
>
>The knowledge of your sister's illness helps spur me on towards
>recovery... and probably many others here, too. Your sharing it brings
>forward the possibility of recovery in others like me in your sister's
>name.
>
>I'll be thinking of you both.
>
>All good wishes,
>
>Cheggers2004

Cheggers, your post brings tears to my eyes, and they stream down my cheeks
now. Drinking, drunking, sobriety is absolutely no joke. It is absolutley
life or death. Whatever you or others here may believe, I truely believe God
brought Caroline here for us to read throgh her and her sisters suffering to
help us. The truth scares me deeply ... the truth I have had knowledge of for
years but drank away, hiding from it behind the bottle.

>Your sharing it brings
>forward the possibility of recovery in others like me in your sister's
>name.

So true. I am one as well.

All the best Cheggers,
With love and respect,
Christine

[Christine]

>I never for one minute thought that my sharing the problems with my sister
>would help you all in your recovery programs or anyone who is "thinking"
>they may possibly need help.
>

Caroline, I cannot thank you enough for coming here with your story.

I continue to pray for you and your family
With love,
Christine