how it's been going

[Chaz]

hello again.

well let's cut to the chase: I was dry nine days and then had a drink.
well a few, but not a real session. then i was dry for another 4 days
and then had a drink (today).

sorry about that.

I am kind of stuck in between two places. I am not drinking anywhere
near enough to satisfy my urge to drink, but i am not completely sober.
it almost feels like not drinking.

i'm not sure what to do. i am better than i was before the first first day.

hope and courage to all.

chaz.

[Fred Exley]

I'm still right behind you (one day) Chaz. I had two glasses of wine last
week with dinner, and then again two days later, and that was it -I didn't
lose control or even enjoy it much. That was about a week ago, and lately
I'm excercising and eating a lot of ice cream, so not craving alcohol.

But it's dangerous for me to dabble. The past two times I was able to
abstain for 30+ days, I resumed by having just a little bit of champagne at
brunch, then a bit more wine the next night, then full tilt drinking around
the clock for months until I could finally break the cycle again. That's
what I'm afraid of now. Each time I go off the deep end it gets worse, and
harder to cut it off again.

My last binge began Christmas Eve. A lady I met on the internet and her 15
year old boy flew over from Germany to stay with me for a week. They
arrived Christmas eve, so we celebrated with a bottle of champagne. But
when they went to bed I opened another bottle of red wine, and spent the
week drinking around the clock, trying to hide it from them, and at the same
time driving them all over the place (Hollywood, Disneyland, etc.).
Needless to say, I didn't fool them, it must have scared the shit out of
them, and I blew the whole thing -now she doesn't even e-mail anymore. What
scares me about this was I didn't even realize how much I was drinking until
I finally dried out again. It cost me a lot, and I really had planned on
controlling it while they were here. I guess that's what I'm trying to
share -sometimes we can control it, and sometimes it sneaks up on us. Good
luck. -Fred

[>rosie]

""We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to
control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers
control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but
such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less
control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible
demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our
type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable
period we get worse, never better.

We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones.
Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will
make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every
imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery,
followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are
familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a
normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish
this, but it hasn't done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going
to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception
and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to
the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability
to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like
a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried
hard enough and long enough to drink like other people! ""





this is just part of the beginning of CHAPTER THREE of the BIG BOOK,
that "said it all" for me.

maybe it will help!




>

[debs]

Well you know what you want to do!!

Stop playing with it and change ya life. Take all the positives and all the
negatives and look at them...make a list....make a charter for your
life......anything that might help. Take it 1 day, 1 week ect..anything.
Anytime I get the urge now I do a weeks detox first. I tell myself that if
I still want a drink in 5 days time then I will have one.......guaranteed I
have got past that by then.

debs

"Chaz" <chae@TAKEAWAYpinzo.clara.co.uk> wrote in message
news:1074796767.13339.0@nnrp-t71-03.news.uk.clara.net...
> hello again.
>
> well let's cut to the chase: I was dry nine days and then had a drink.
> well a few, but not a real session. then i was dry for another 4 days
> and then had a drink (today).
>
> sorry about that.
>
> I am kind of stuck in between two places. I am not drinking anywhere
> near enough to satisfy my urge to drink, but i am not completely sober.
> it almost feels like not drinking.
>
> i'm not sure what to do. i am better than i was before the first first
day.
>
> hope and courage to all.
>
> chaz.
>

[Bobby L.]

"Chaz" <chae@TAKEAWAYpinzo.clara.co.uk> wrote in message
news:1074796767.13339.0@nnrp-t71-03.news.uk.clara.net...
> hello again.
>
> well let's cut to the chase: I was dry nine days and then had a drink.
> well a few, but not a real session. then i was dry for another 4 days
> and then had a drink (today).
>
> sorry about that.
>
> I am kind of stuck in between two places. I am not drinking anywhere
> near enough to satisfy my urge to drink, but i am not completely sober.
> it almost feels like not drinking.
>
> i'm not sure what to do. i am better than i was before the first first
day.
>
> hope and courage to all.
>
> chaz.
>

Don't be to hard on yourself. It's called human nature...

The facts are you had 13 days without a drink there in a two week period.
If you want to quit, then keep working on it. It didn't here you say you
went for broke and both of those facts are quite different from my last two
weeks drinking.

One day at a time. Just for today, no drinking between meals and nothing
until breakfast. Then tomorrow you can decide again.

It's simpler that way.

Bobby L

[Robert McGregor]

"Chaz" <chae@TAKEAWAYpinzo.clara.co.uk> wrote in message
news:1074796767.13339.0@nnrp-t71-03.news.uk.clara.net...
> hello again.
>
> well let's cut to the chase: I was dry nine days and then had a drink.
> well a few, but not a real session. then i was dry for another 4 days
> and then had a drink (today).
>
> sorry about that.
>
> I am kind of stuck in between two places. I am not drinking anywhere
> near enough to satisfy my urge to drink, but i am not completely sober.
> it almost feels like not drinking.
>
> i'm not sure what to do. i am better than i was before the first first
day.
>
> hope and courage to all.
>
> chaz.
>

For some drinkers, alcohol moderation is natural. For other drinkers,
moderation is an acquired skill. For a small minority of drinkers,
moderation is impossible.

Have you classified yourself correctly?

http://www.moderation.org/

Bob

[Christine]

>hello again.
>

Hi Chaz!!

>well let's cut to the chase: I was dry nine days and then had a drink.
>well a few, but not a real session. then i was dry for another 4 days
>and then had a drink (today).
>
>sorry about that.

Don't be sorry to us, Chaz, and don't beat yourself up, either for that could
fuel an excuse to drink.

>I am kind of stuck in between two places. I am not drinking anywhere
>near enough to satisfy my urge to drink, but i am not completely sober.
>it almost feels like not drinking.

The way I look at it is, one drink? What's the f*in point? And I don't *want*
to get loaded, so I don't bother with that first drink.

>i'm not sure what to do. i am better than i was before the first first day.
>

You are so much better off! Keep it up, like everyone said here, it's keep it
in the day, or the minute ... you had a drink today, but that doesn't mean you
have to have another tonight. Keep it simple, and when you get the urge or
cravings or the wrm fuzzy memories of the good old days - HALT IT
(Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired, ill, thirsty? - thirsty always cracks me
up, however. Of course I'm thirsty, that's why I'm having a beer! lol) But
seriously, this is so simple and I have found that 9 times out of ten when I am
having the fond memories of how much fun it "used to be", I am one or more of
these things.

>hope and courage to all.

Right back at you Chaz! I hope all is well.

[Kirk S]

Howdy Chaz,

My $0.02 worth:

Like many things, there is more than one way to look at it:

1) positive: only a few drinks in a two week period
2) negative: I didn't quit forever

Which way makes you feel better? Same thing happened to me when I quit
smoking. I had one the day I decided to quit. I could have taken it as a
failure however, I decided to look at it as a success and go from there.
After all, one smoke was better then the usual thirty. Addiction recovery
isn't easy.

Kirk S.

<four days and counting> I did manage to not drink for seven years. I
started back and used for five. 7 outta 12 is better than 0 outta 12 in my
book. You don't really fail if your learn something from it. You only fail
when you don't try! We are human, not machines.
"Christine" <ctbean3@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040122200015.21785.00000516@mb-m14.aol.com...
> >hello again.
> >
>
> Hi Chaz!!
>
> >well let's cut to the chase: I was dry nine days and then had a drink.
> >well a few, but not a real session. then i was dry for another 4 days
> >and then had a drink (today).
> >
> >sorry about that.
>
> Don't be sorry to us, Chaz, and don't beat yourself up, either for that
could
> fuel an excuse to drink.
>
> >I am kind of stuck in between two places. I am not drinking anywhere
> >near enough to satisfy my urge to drink, but i am not completely sober.
> >it almost feels like not drinking.
>
> The way I look at it is, one drink? What's the f*in point? And I don't
*want*
> to get loaded, so I don't bother with that first drink.
>
> >i'm not sure what to do. i am better than i was before the first first
day.
> >
>
> You are so much better off! Keep it up, like everyone said here, it's
keep it
> in the day, or the minute ... you had a drink today, but that doesn't mean
you
> have to have another tonight. Keep it simple, and when you get the urge
or
> cravings or the wrm fuzzy memories of the good old days - HALT IT
> (Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired, ill, thirsty? - thirsty always
cracks me
> up, however. Of course I'm thirsty, that's why I'm having a beer! lol)
But
> seriously, this is so simple and I have found that 9 times out of ten when
I am
> having the fond memories of how much fun it "used to be", I am one or more
of
> these things.
>
> >hope and courage to all.
>
> Right back at you Chaz! I hope all is well.

[George &The Dragon]

"Fred Exley" <fexly221@msn.com> wrote in message
news:101083v8o0pu1f1@corp.supernews.com...
<snip>
> I'm still right behind you (one day) Chaz. I had two glasses of wine last
> week with dinner, and then again two days later, and that was it -I didn't
> lose control ...
<snip>

Hi Fred.
Your post reminded me of something long-forgotten, and sent me looking for
an article I wrote for the "Grapevine". It was published in the August 1986
edition, when I was just six months sober. Hope it rings a bell for you -

*************
"The Big 'un"
I once heard a story about a drunk who staggered off the edge of the Empire
State Building. He plunged down to earth with a crash but miraculously
survived. As the paramedics carried him off he was heard to mutter "watch
out for that first step.... it's a big 'un."

I had been in the program for about two weeks. I had just reached the stage
where I could hold a cup of coffee in my hands without splashing it on the
floor and was beginning to gain a bit of confidence. At every meeting I
listened while the steps were read out, nodding soberly at the first step in
particular. Yes, that was me all right. Powerless over alcohol. I had no
doubts. That first step was not at all difficult. Or so I thought.

Friends of ours were celebrating a wedding anniversary. My wife and I had
been invited out to a local restaurant to help them celebrate. They were all
"social" drinkers whose drinking patterns were completely different from
mine (they all knew when to stop). My wife was the only one who knew that I
had stopped drinking, and I had done a great deal of soul-searching about
whether to go or not, but I decided that life has to go on, and since the
Big Book does not counsel against being in a place that serves alcohol as
long as you have a genuine reason for being there, I decided to go.

I was extremely apprehensive, but determined, as I refused the waiter's
offer of a before-dinner drink, and made a quick escape to the washroom to
escape the obvious questions I thought my dinner companions were sure to
ask. While washing and brushing up I calmed down (easy does it) and returned
to my place at table to find that a well-meaning guest had ordered the wine,
and in front of me was a generous glass of sparkling bubbly. What to do? I
would ignore it. Not a drop of that heinous liquid would touch my lips!

I should have remembered what Rabbie Burns said about "the best-laid plans
of mice and men....."

No sooner had I made my decision than one of the guests proposed a toast.
Everyone was on their feet and the first sip went down before I knew what
had happened. I sat down in total confusion, stunned. My confidence
evaporated. I looked around the restaurant in panic, expecting someone
somewhere to whip out a badge - "I'm from AA sir. Would you mind coming with
me ?...". But nothing happened. I mean nothing. I waited for some
irresistible urge to overwhelm me, forcing me to gulp down every drink in
sight. Nothing! I was even more confused, but decided that was it! I would
leave the drink totally untouched for the rest of the night. I certainly
didn't need it.

The second toast came shortly thereafter, and I found that the second sip
went over much more smoothly than the first. As I sat down I noticed the
return of some of my confidence. I had taken two sips of wine and I hadn't
fallen apart! If I drank nice and slowly, I could make the glass of wine
last all evening. Perhaps if I was really careful I could have two glasses.
They were only four ounces, after all. Then right after that came the idea
that it would be nice to have a liqueur with coffee, and maybe a nice cold
beer when I got home....

DING! DING! DING! Suddenly the alarm bells went off in my head. Although in
AA meetings I had repeated again and again that I was powerless over
alcohol, I was stupidly planning a drunken evening based on the false
assumption, after two miserable sips of wine, that I could control my
drinking. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. They were right! What an idiot I
was!

I did not go on the drunk. I was so angry at myself that I did leave the
rest of the glass untouched (although it was on my mind the whole night),
leaving some of my self-respect intact.

I now have six months sobriety. I handle these situations differently now,
but I have never forgotten the lessons I learned that night as a relative
newcomer to AA. First, not to take that first drink. Second, like the drunk
who plummeted off the Empire State Building, I learned to watch out for that
first step.

'Cos the first step is a big 'un, all right.

GM

****************************

I'm ashamed to say, Fred, that I've had to relearn that lesson several times
since the article was written. The Dragon keeps persuading me that each time
will be different, then fries me to a crisp. I can control it with a HUGE
exertion of mental effort, but I'm thinking about alcohol the whole time.
It's a miserable existence, and I hate myself when I'm drinking.


All in all, however, I'm content. My life, and that of my family, is much
better without alcohol. I just keep away from the Dragon one day at a time.

Aye,

George





& the Dragon

[Ron]

On Thu, 22 Jan 2004 22:06:09 -0500, George &The Dragon <george@dragon.ca> wrote:

> The second toast came shortly thereafter, and I found that the second sip
> went over much more smoothly than the first. As I sat down I noticed the
> return of some of my confidence. I had taken two sips of wine and I hadn't
> fallen apart! If I drank nice and slowly, I could make the glass of wine
> last all evening. Perhaps if I was really careful I could have two glasses.
> They were only four ounces, after all. Then right after that came the idea
> that it would be nice to have a liqueur with coffee, and maybe a nice cold
> beer when I got home....

Thanks George. That's a good story. I feel like my own worst enemy
right now - I could rationalize myself into almost anything. Just
reading that paragraph makes it all sound so sweet.

--
AB5DB9CC

[Fred Exley]

Thanks George for digging that up. It's the important social situations
that trip me up. And I THINK, like you, that on occasion I can control it
with extreme willpower, but it takes all enjoyment out of it. But that's
what I thought when my guests arrived, and after two glasses of champagne my
definition of controlling it changed to 'wait until they go to sleep, then
take a bottle to my room'.

And thanks Rosie for posting the beginning of Ch. 3 of the Big Book. That
is SO true, we wish somehow someday we'll be ok to drink again. That's as
tough as the not drinking -accepting the fact that the 'legs' are gone for
good. -Fred

[>rosie]

> And thanks Rosie for posting the beginning of Ch. 3 of the Big
Book. That
> is SO true, we wish somehow someday we'll be ok to drink again.
That's as
> tough as the not drinking -accepting the fact that the 'legs' are
gone for
> good. -Fred
>
>

i remember the first time i heard the beginning of chapter three
being read at a meeting...................
it ABSOLUTELY floored me..................i related soooooooooooo
much!

rosie

[>rosie]

GREAT post.....................GREAT example of just how cunning
alcoholism really is........................


(a tool of recovery that i used:)
in very early sobriety, i did not attend functions where alcohol
flowed freely.
i just knew it wasn't a good idea for me, yet.


i sobered up in august, and in october took my first trip out of
town to a conference, and worried the whole time flying there, what
i would say, if someone offered me a drink?
would people notice? should i talk about my recovery openly?
a female alcoholic, would anyone believe it? (1982)

what a WASTE of energy.................no one asked, no one noticed!

shortly after that, i started getting back into my normal social
routine, (safe, because i was the ONLY one who use to get drunk)
and when in a restaurant just turned the wine glass,at my place
setting, over, or asked the steward to remove it.
NO ONE ever remarked on it................... NO ONE!

--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often
groans
more loudly than an empty stomach.
...............................Franklin Delano Roosevelt

http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/










"George &The Dragon" <george@dragon.ca> wrote in message
news:Cc0Qb.18686$U77.1474354@news20.bellglobal.com ...
>
> "Fred Exley" <fexly221@msn.com> wrote in message
> news:101083v8o0pu1f1@corp.supernews.com...
> <snip>
> > I'm still right behind you (one day) Chaz. I had two glasses of
wine last
> > week with dinner, and then again two days later, and that was
it -I didn't
> > lose control ...
> <snip>
>
> Hi Fred.
> Your post reminded me of something long-forgotten, and sent me
looking for
> an article I wrote for the "Grapevine". It was published in the
August 1986
> edition, when I was just six months sober. Hope it rings a bell
for you -
>
> *************
> "The Big 'un"
> I once heard a story about a drunk who staggered off the edge of
the Empire
> State Building. He plunged down to earth with a crash but
miraculously
> survived. As the paramedics carried him off he was heard to mutter
"watch
> out for that first step.... it's a big 'un."
>
> I had been in the program for about two weeks. I had just reached
the stage
> where I could hold a cup of coffee in my hands without splashing
it on the
> floor and was beginning to gain a bit of confidence. At every
meeting I
> listened while the steps were read out, nodding soberly at the
first step in
> particular. Yes, that was me all right. Powerless over alcohol. I
had no
> doubts. That first step was not at all difficult. Or so I thought.
>
> Friends of ours were celebrating a wedding anniversary. My wife
and I had
> been invited out to a local restaurant to help them celebrate.
They were all
> "social" drinkers whose drinking patterns were completely
different from
> mine (they all knew when to stop). My wife was the only one who
knew that I
> had stopped drinking, and I had done a great deal of
soul-searching about
> whether to go or not, but I decided that life has to go on, and
since the
> Big Book does not counsel against being in a place that serves
alcohol as
> long as you have a genuine reason for being there, I decided to
go.
>
> I was extremely apprehensive, but determined, as I refused the
waiter's
> offer of a before-dinner drink, and made a quick escape to the
washroom to
> escape the obvious questions I thought my dinner companions were
sure to
> ask. While washing and brushing up I calmed down (easy does it)
and returned
> to my place at table to find that a well-meaning guest had ordered
the wine,
> and in front of me was a generous glass of sparkling bubbly. What
to do? I
> would ignore it. Not a drop of that heinous liquid would touch my
lips!
>
> I should have remembered what Rabbie Burns said about "the
best-laid plans
> of mice and men....."
>
> No sooner had I made my decision than one of the guests proposed a
toast.
> Everyone was on their feet and the first sip went down before I
knew what
> had happened. I sat down in total confusion, stunned. My
confidence
> evaporated. I looked around the restaurant in panic, expecting
someone
> somewhere to whip out a badge - "I'm from AA sir. Would you mind
coming with
> me ?...". But nothing happened. I mean nothing. I waited for some
> irresistible urge to overwhelm me, forcing me to gulp down every
drink in
> sight. Nothing! I was even more confused, but decided that was it!
I would
> leave the drink totally untouched for the rest of the night. I
certainly
> didn't need it.
>
> The second toast came shortly thereafter, and I found that the
second sip
> went over much more smoothly than the first. As I sat down I
noticed the
> return of some of my confidence. I had taken two sips of wine and
I hadn't
> fallen apart! If I drank nice and slowly, I could make the glass
of wine
> last all evening. Perhaps if I was really careful I could have two
glasses.
> They were only four ounces, after all. Then right after that came
the idea
> that it would be nice to have a liqueur with coffee, and maybe a
nice cold
> beer when I got home....
>
> DING! DING! DING! Suddenly the alarm bells went off in my head.
Although in
> AA meetings I had repeated again and again that I was powerless
over
> alcohol, I was stupidly planning a drunken evening based on the
false
> assumption, after two miserable sips of wine, that I could control
my
> drinking. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. They were right! What
an idiot I
> was!
>
> I did not go on the drunk. I was so angry at myself that I did
leave the
> rest of the glass untouched (although it was on my mind the whole
night),
> leaving some of my self-respect intact.
>
> I now have six months sobriety. I handle these situations
differently now,
> but I have never forgotten the lessons I learned that night as a
relative
> newcomer to AA. First, not to take that first drink. Second, like
the drunk
> who plummeted off the Empire State Building, I learned to watch
out for that
> first step.
>
> 'Cos the first step is a big 'un, all right.
>
> GM
>
> ****************************
>
> I'm ashamed to say, Fred, that I've had to relearn that lesson
several times
> since the article was written. The Dragon keeps persuading me that
each time
> will be different, then fries me to a crisp. I can control it with
a HUGE
> exertion of mental effort, but I'm thinking about alcohol the
whole time.
> It's a miserable existence, and I hate myself when I'm drinking.
>
>
> All in all, however, I'm content. My life, and that of my family,
is much
> better without alcohol. I just keep away from the Dragon one day
at a time.
>
> Aye,
>
> George
>
>
>
>
>
> & the Dragon
>
>

[>rosie]

> The feedback helps and if my experience helps someone else even a
little, so
> much the better!
>
> Kirk S
> >

absolutely!
the sharing that was done with me, is the main REASON that i
returned over and over the the AA tables in the beginning!

--
read and post daily, it works!
rosie

It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often
groans
more loudly than an empty stomach.
...............................Franklin Delano Roosevelt

http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/










"Kirk S" <kspradling@nospamkc.rr.com> wrote in message
news:TncQb.58595$LW.48218@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
> " >rosie<" <readandpostTAKETHISOUT@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:PNaQb.89264$VV4.51431@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
> > GREAT post.....................GREAT example of just how cunning
> > alcoholism really is........................
> >
> >
> > (a tool of recovery that i used:)
> > in very early sobriety, i did not attend functions where alcohol
> > flowed freely.
> > i just knew it wasn't a good idea for me, yet.
> >
> >
> > i sobered up in august, and in october took my first trip out of
> > town to a conference, and worried the whole time flying there,
what
> > i would say, if someone offered me a drink?
> > would people notice? should i talk about my recovery openly?
> > a female alcoholic, would anyone believe it? (1982)
> >
> > what a WASTE of energy.................no one asked, no one
noticed!
>
> I found it absolutely amazing that people actually had lives of
their own
> and didn't spend their time noticing what I did. I was that type
that, if I
> came into a room with a couple of people laughing, they had to be
laughing
> at me. Geez, how self-important is that?
>
> >
> > shortly after that, i started getting back into my normal social
> > routine, (safe, because i was the ONLY one who use to get
drunk)
> > and when in a restaurant just turned the wine glass,at my place
> > setting, over, or asked the steward to remove it.
> > NO ONE ever remarked on it................... NO ONE!
>
> We are all more alike than most of us want to admit.
>
> >
> > --
> > read and post daily, it works!
> > rosie
>
> The feedback helps and if my experience helps someone else even a
little, so
> much the better!
>
> Kirk S
> >
> > It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often
> > groans
> > more loudly than an empty stomach.
> > ..............................Franklin Delano Roosevelt
> >
> > http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "George &The Dragon" <george@dragon.ca> wrote in message
> > news:Cc0Qb.18686$U77.1474354@news20.bellglobal.com ...
> > >
> > > "Fred Exley" <fexly221@msn.com> wrote in message
> > > news:101083v8o0pu1f1@corp.supernews.com...
> > > <snip>
> > > > I'm still right behind you (one day) Chaz. I had two
glasses of
> > wine last
> > > > week with dinner, and then again two days later, and that
was
> > it -I didn't
> > > > lose control ...
> > > <snip>
> > >
> > > Hi Fred.
> > > Your post reminded me of something long-forgotten, and sent me
> > looking for
> > > an article I wrote for the "Grapevine". It was published in
the
> > August 1986
> > > edition, when I was just six months sober. Hope it rings a
bell
> > for you -
> > >
> > > *************
> > > "The Big 'un"
> > > I once heard a story about a drunk who staggered off the edge
of
> > the Empire
> > > State Building. He plunged down to earth with a crash but
> > miraculously
> > > survived. As the paramedics carried him off he was heard to
mutter
> > "watch
> > > out for that first step.... it's a big 'un."
> > >
> > > I had been in the program for about two weeks. I had just
reached
> > the stage
> > > where I could hold a cup of coffee in my hands without
splashing
> > it on the
> > > floor and was beginning to gain a bit of confidence. At every
> > meeting I
> > > listened while the steps were read out, nodding soberly at the
> > first step in
> > > particular. Yes, that was me all right. Powerless over
alcohol. I
> > had no
> > > doubts. That first step was not at all difficult. Or so I
thought.
> > >
> > > Friends of ours were celebrating a wedding anniversary. My
wife
> > and I had
> > > been invited out to a local restaurant to help them celebrate.
> > They were all
> > > "social" drinkers whose drinking patterns were completely
> > different from
> > > mine (they all knew when to stop). My wife was the only one
who
> > knew that I
> > > had stopped drinking, and I had done a great deal of
> > soul-searching about
> > > whether to go or not, but I decided that life has to go on,
and
> > since the
> > > Big Book does not counsel against being in a place that serves
> > alcohol as
> > > long as you have a genuine reason for being there, I decided
to
> > go.
> > >
> > > I was extremely apprehensive, but determined, as I refused the
> > waiter's
> > > offer of a before-dinner drink, and made a quick escape to the
> > washroom to
> > > escape the obvious questions I thought my dinner companions
were
> > sure to
> > > ask. While washing and brushing up I calmed down (easy does
it)
> > and returned
> > > to my place at table to find that a well-meaning guest had
ordered
> > the wine,
> > > and in front of me was a generous glass of sparkling bubbly.
What
> > to do? I
> > > would ignore it. Not a drop of that heinous liquid would touch
my
> > lips!
> > >
> > > I should have remembered what Rabbie Burns said about "the
> > best-laid plans
> > > of mice and men....."
> > >
> > > No sooner had I made my decision than one of the guests
proposed a
> > toast.
> > > Everyone was on their feet and the first sip went down before
I
> > knew what
> > > had happened. I sat down in total confusion, stunned. My
> > confidence
> > > evaporated. I looked around the restaurant in panic, expecting
> > someone
> > > somewhere to whip out a badge - "I'm from AA sir. Would you
mind
> > coming with
> > > me ?...". But nothing happened. I mean nothing. I waited for
some
> > > irresistible urge to overwhelm me, forcing me to gulp down
every
> > drink in
> > > sight. Nothing! I was even more confused, but decided that was
it!
> > I would
> > > leave the drink totally untouched for the rest of the night. I
> > certainly
> > > didn't need it.
> > >
> > > The second toast came shortly thereafter, and I found that the
> > second sip
> > > went over much more smoothly than the first. As I sat down I
> > noticed the
> > > return of some of my confidence. I had taken two sips of wine
and
> > I hadn't
> > > fallen apart! If I drank nice and slowly, I could make the
glass
> > of wine
> > > last all evening. Perhaps if I was really careful I could have
two
> > glasses.
> > > They were only four ounces, after all. Then right after that
came
> > the idea
> > > that it would be nice to have a liqueur with coffee, and maybe
a
> > nice cold
> > > beer when I got home....
> > >
> > > DING! DING! DING! Suddenly the alarm bells went off in my
head.
> > Although in
> > > AA meetings I had repeated again and again that I was
powerless
> > over
> > > alcohol, I was stupidly planning a drunken evening based on
the
> > false
> > > assumption, after two miserable sips of wine, that I could
control
> > my
> > > drinking. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. They were right!
What
> > an idiot I
> > > was!
> > >
> > > I did not go on the drunk. I was so angry at myself that I did
> > leave the
> > > rest of the glass untouched (although it was on my mind the
whole
> > night),
> > > leaving some of my self-respect intact.
> > >
> > > I now have six months sobriety. I handle these situations
> > differently now,
> > > but I have never forgotten the lessons I learned that night as
a
> > relative
> > > newcomer to AA. First, not to take that first drink. Second,
like
> > the drunk
> > > who plummeted off the Empire State Building, I learned to
watch
> > out for that
> > > first step.
> > >
> > > 'Cos the first step is a big 'un, all right.
> > >
> > > GM
> > >
> > > ****************************
> > >
> > > I'm ashamed to say, Fred, that I've had to relearn that lesson
> > several times
> > > since the article was written. The Dragon keeps persuading me
that
> > each time
> > > will be different, then fries me to a crisp. I can control it
with
> > a HUGE
> > > exertion of mental effort, but I'm thinking about alcohol the
> > whole time.
> > > It's a miserable existence, and I hate myself when I'm
drinking.
> > >
> > >
> > > All in all, however, I'm content. My life, and that of my
family,
> > is much
> > > better without alcohol. I just keep away from the Dragon one
day
> > at a time.
> > >
> > > Aye,
> > >
> > > George
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > & the Dragon
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>

[Kirk S]

" >rosie<" <readandpostTAKETHISOUT@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:PNaQb.89264$VV4.51431@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
> GREAT post.....................GREAT example of just how cunning
> alcoholism really is........................
>
>
> (a tool of recovery that i used:)
> in very early sobriety, i did not attend functions where alcohol
> flowed freely.
> i just knew it wasn't a good idea for me, yet.
>
>
> i sobered up in august, and in october took my first trip out of
> town to a conference, and worried the whole time flying there, what
> i would say, if someone offered me a drink?
> would people notice? should i talk about my recovery openly?
> a female alcoholic, would anyone believe it? (1982)
>
> what a WASTE of energy.................no one asked, no one noticed!

I found it absolutely amazing that people actually had lives of their own
and didn't spend their time noticing what I did. I was that type that, if I
came into a room with a couple of people laughing, they had to be laughing
at me. Geez, how self-important is that?

>
> shortly after that, i started getting back into my normal social
> routine, (safe, because i was the ONLY one who use to get drunk)
> and when in a restaurant just turned the wine glass,at my place
> setting, over, or asked the steward to remove it.
> NO ONE ever remarked on it................... NO ONE!

We are all more alike than most of us want to admit.

>
> --
> read and post daily, it works!
> rosie

The feedback helps and if my experience helps someone else even a little, so
much the better!

Kirk S
>
> It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often
> groans
> more loudly than an empty stomach.
> ..............................Franklin Delano Roosevelt
>
> http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "George &The Dragon" <george@dragon.ca> wrote in message
> news:Cc0Qb.18686$U77.1474354@news20.bellglobal.com ...
> >
> > "Fred Exley" <fexly221@msn.com> wrote in message
> > news:101083v8o0pu1f1@corp.supernews.com...
> > <snip>
> > > I'm still right behind you (one day) Chaz. I had two glasses of
> wine last
> > > week with dinner, and then again two days later, and that was
> it -I didn't
> > > lose control ...
> > <snip>
> >
> > Hi Fred.
> > Your post reminded me of something long-forgotten, and sent me
> looking for
> > an article I wrote for the "Grapevine". It was published in the
> August 1986
> > edition, when I was just six months sober. Hope it rings a bell
> for you -
> >
> > *************
> > "The Big 'un"
> > I once heard a story about a drunk who staggered off the edge of
> the Empire
> > State Building. He plunged down to earth with a crash but
> miraculously
> > survived. As the paramedics carried him off he was heard to mutter
> "watch
> > out for that first step.... it's a big 'un."
> >
> > I had been in the program for about two weeks. I had just reached
> the stage
> > where I could hold a cup of coffee in my hands without splashing
> it on the
> > floor and was beginning to gain a bit of confidence. At every
> meeting I
> > listened while the steps were read out, nodding soberly at the
> first step in
> > particular. Yes, that was me all right. Powerless over alcohol. I
> had no
> > doubts. That first step was not at all difficult. Or so I thought.
> >
> > Friends of ours were celebrating a wedding anniversary. My wife
> and I had
> > been invited out to a local restaurant to help them celebrate.
> They were all
> > "social" drinkers whose drinking patterns were completely
> different from
> > mine (they all knew when to stop). My wife was the only one who
> knew that I
> > had stopped drinking, and I had done a great deal of
> soul-searching about
> > whether to go or not, but I decided that life has to go on, and
> since the
> > Big Book does not counsel against being in a place that serves
> alcohol as
> > long as you have a genuine reason for being there, I decided to
> go.
> >
> > I was extremely apprehensive, but determined, as I refused the
> waiter's
> > offer of a before-dinner drink, and made a quick escape to the
> washroom to
> > escape the obvious questions I thought my dinner companions were
> sure to
> > ask. While washing and brushing up I calmed down (easy does it)
> and returned
> > to my place at table to find that a well-meaning guest had ordered
> the wine,
> > and in front of me was a generous glass of sparkling bubbly. What
> to do? I
> > would ignore it. Not a drop of that heinous liquid would touch my
> lips!
> >
> > I should have remembered what Rabbie Burns said about "the
> best-laid plans
> > of mice and men....."
> >
> > No sooner had I made my decision than one of the guests proposed a
> toast.
> > Everyone was on their feet and the first sip went down before I
> knew what
> > had happened. I sat down in total confusion, stunned. My
> confidence
> > evaporated. I looked around the restaurant in panic, expecting
> someone
> > somewhere to whip out a badge - "I'm from AA sir. Would you mind
> coming with
> > me ?...". But nothing happened. I mean nothing. I waited for some
> > irresistible urge to overwhelm me, forcing me to gulp down every
> drink in
> > sight. Nothing! I was even more confused, but decided that was it!
> I would
> > leave the drink totally untouched for the rest of the night. I
> certainly
> > didn't need it.
> >
> > The second toast came shortly thereafter, and I found that the
> second sip
> > went over much more smoothly than the first. As I sat down I
> noticed the
> > return of some of my confidence. I had taken two sips of wine and
> I hadn't
> > fallen apart! If I drank nice and slowly, I could make the glass
> of wine
> > last all evening. Perhaps if I was really careful I could have two
> glasses.
> > They were only four ounces, after all. Then right after that came
> the idea
> > that it would be nice to have a liqueur with coffee, and maybe a
> nice cold
> > beer when I got home....
> >
> > DING! DING! DING! Suddenly the alarm bells went off in my head.
> Although in
> > AA meetings I had repeated again and again that I was powerless
> over
> > alcohol, I was stupidly planning a drunken evening based on the
> false
> > assumption, after two miserable sips of wine, that I could control
> my
> > drinking. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. They were right! What
> an idiot I
> > was!
> >
> > I did not go on the drunk. I was so angry at myself that I did
> leave the
> > rest of the glass untouched (although it was on my mind the whole
> night),
> > leaving some of my self-respect intact.
> >
> > I now have six months sobriety. I handle these situations
> differently now,
> > but I have never forgotten the lessons I learned that night as a
> relative
> > newcomer to AA. First, not to take that first drink. Second, like
> the drunk
> > who plummeted off the Empire State Building, I learned to watch
> out for that
> > first step.
> >
> > 'Cos the first step is a big 'un, all right.
> >
> > GM
> >
> > ****************************
> >
> > I'm ashamed to say, Fred, that I've had to relearn that lesson
> several times
> > since the article was written. The Dragon keeps persuading me that
> each time
> > will be different, then fries me to a crisp. I can control it with
> a HUGE
> > exertion of mental effort, but I'm thinking about alcohol the
> whole time.
> > It's a miserable existence, and I hate myself when I'm drinking.
> >
> >
> > All in all, however, I'm content. My life, and that of my family,
> is much
> > better without alcohol. I just keep away from the Dragon one day
> at a time.
> >
> > Aye,
> >
> > George
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > & the Dragon
> >
> >
>
>

[George &The Dragon]

"Fred Exley" <fexly221@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1011ipra9u2uq94@corp.supernews.com...

> ...and after two glasses of champagne my
> definition of controlling it changed to 'wait until they go to sleep, then
> take a bottle to my room'.

I can relate so much to that! It's all a mind game. I've even secretely
polished off a bottle of wine while in the bath! Yuk!

All the best
George




&
the
Dragon

[George &The Dragon]

"Ron" <can@the.spam> wrote in message
news:kG1Qb.130004$na.186835@attbi_s04...

>- I could rationalize myself into almost anything. Just
> reading that paragraph makes it all sound so sweet.
>

The Dragon snuggles up to you so quietly you never even notice, whispers a
few warm, relaxing suggestions in your ear, then BLAM! You're toast.

It's all in the mind.

Onward and upward.
George


&
the Dragon

[Christine]

>I looked around the restaurant in panic, expecting someone
>somewhere to whip out a badge - "I'm from AA sir. Would you mind coming with
>me ?...". But nothing happened. I mean nothing.

This is extremely powerful, and a nice easy mind trick that actually happened
to me about a month and a half ago. I was on my way to work, and stopped at a
store and bought a nice bottle of wine. It seemed so natural, so easy, but in
the back of my mind I thought for sure alarms would go off as soon as I stepped
out the door - that my home group would be all packed outside waiting for me.

I didn't happen.

No one cared.

It was normal. It was fine.

Luckily, i didn't drink the bottle of wine, ended up giving it to a co-worker.
It wasn't normal and it wasn't fine, and although I didn't drink it, the guilt
and shame and worry for the next few days were overwhelming. I almost felt
like changing my sobriety date over it because of all the feelings that
surrounded the experience.

Amazing.

[Kirk S]

"Christine" <ctbean3@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040123173105.13026.00000582@mb-m02.aol.com...
> >I looked around the restaurant in panic, expecting someone
> >somewhere to whip out a badge - "I'm from AA sir. Would you mind coming
with
> >me ?...". But nothing happened. I mean nothing.
>
> This is extremely powerful, and a nice easy mind trick that actually
happened
> to me about a month and a half ago. I was on my way to work, and stopped
at a
> store and bought a nice bottle of wine. It seemed so natural, so easy,
but in
> the back of my mind I thought for sure alarms would go off as soon as I
stepped
> out the door - that my home group would be all packed outside waiting for
me.
>
> I didn't happen.
>
> No one cared.
>
> It was normal. It was fine.
>
> Luckily, i didn't drink the bottle of wine, ended up giving it to a
co-worker.
> It wasn't normal and it wasn't fine, and although I didn't drink it, the
guilt
> and shame and worry for the next few days were overwhelming. I almost
felt
> like changing my sobriety date over it because of all the feelings that
> surrounded the experience.

How was luck involved with not opening the bottle? Do wine bottles just
open and pour on their own? My cans of beer never drank themselves. Guilt,
shame and worry are simply excuses to drink. Dump the self-criticism. You
chose to buy the wine and you chose to give it away. The group helps
however, you are in charge of your own sobriety. The group doesn't come to
your house, you go to it. The computer didn't just happen to come to this
ng and post for you. Pat yourself on the back for making a good choice yet
don't break your arm. Pride also ruins.

Of course, this is just my opinion. Your mileage may vary!

Kirk S.
>
> Amazing.

[George &The Dragon]

" >rosie<" <readandpostTAKETHISOUT@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:PNaQb.89264$VV4.51431@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...

> GREAT post.....................GREAT example of just how cunning
> alcoholism really is........................

Thanks Rosie. It's so cunning that I've had to relearn the lesson several
times since! I look at this article almost twenty years later and realise
that I can still be drawn down the primrose path by the same siren-song that
drags down Harry.

Harry, where are you, by the way?

>and worried the whole time flying there, what
> i would say, if someone offered me a drink?
> would people notice?

One of the things that still amazes me is how little "normal" people drink,
and the lack of importance they place on it. I go to meetings and watch
someone order a glass of wine, have a sip, then drink NOTHING from it for
five or ten minutes. At the end of the meal the glass is still half-empty
and they have their coats on ready to go. The Dragon is screaming in their
ear, "are you crazy? Drink UP!"

It's a funny old world..

Aye,

George







&
the Dragon

[George &The Dragon]

"Christine" <ctbean3@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040123173105.13026.00000582@mb-m02.aol.com...

> I was on my way to work, and stopped at a
> store and bought a nice bottle of wine. It seemed so natural, so easy,
but in
> the back of my mind I thought for sure alarms would go off as soon as I
stepped
> out the door - that my home group would be all packed outside waiting for
me.

Hi Christine. I enjoy your posts.

I know that the alarm bells won't go off, and that others may never know,
but to be able to wake up in the morning with no hangover, knowing that you
didn't drink the previous day, it's still like a bl**dy miracle. The praise
and support of the home group is great, but being able to look yourself in
the face and smile in the morning is just wonderful.

Life is lived one experience at a time.

Aye,
George






&
the Dragon

[Fred Exley]

Yes, that's one of the best side-benefits of staying sober -waking up
without a hangover and with money in the wallet. Sober two weeks now, the
dreams are getting more vivid all the time -usually in the dream I've been
drinking, and when I wake up it takes a minute to remember if I did or
not... :) -Fred




"George &The Dragon" <george@dragon.ca> wrote in message
news:syjQb.20416$cQ6.885068@news20.bellglobal.com. ..
>
> "Christine" <ctbean3@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:20040123173105.13026.00000582@mb-m02.aol.com...
>
> > I was on my way to work, and stopped at a
> > store and bought a nice bottle of wine. It seemed so natural, so easy,
> but in
> > the back of my mind I thought for sure alarms would go off as soon as I
> stepped
> > out the door - that my home group would be all packed outside waiting
for
> me.
>
> Hi Christine. I enjoy your posts.
>
> I know that the alarm bells won't go off, and that others may never know,
> but to be able to wake up in the morning with no hangover, knowing that
you
> didn't drink the previous day, it's still like a bl**dy miracle. The
praise
> and support of the home group is great, but being able to look yourself in
> the face and smile in the morning is just wonderful.
>
> Life is lived one experience at a time.
>
> Aye,
> George
>
>
>
>
>
>
> &
> the Dragon
>
>
>

[Christine]

>Hi Christine. I enjoy your posts.
>

Thank you, George. I enjoy yours as well.

>I know that the alarm bells won't go off, and that others may never know,
>but to be able to wake up in the morning with no hangover, knowing that you
>didn't drink the previous day, it's still like a bl**dy miracle. The praise
>and support of the home group is great, but being able to look yourself in
>the face and smile in the morning is just wonderful.
>

I just arrived home from my home group meeting and, as always, I feel like a
million bucks. I, honestly, have been isolating the past few days, kind of
confused and wallowing a bit. Don't have a reason, no excuses, no (new) major
issues to sort out. I've just chosen to watch a bit more TV than I usually do.
It is extemely unhealthy for me. Anywho, my point being, although I haven't
drank or anything, the thoughts were flying through my head, and I didn't
really want to look at myself in the mirror. This is why belonging to a group
is so important because sometimes others see in you what you don't see yourself
- good and bad. My sponsor immediatly identified some fears and excuses I was
choosing to ignore, and another group member teased me for "losing my group
list", while another gave me a beautiful necklace as a token for how far I've
come in the past few months. Good conversations, good laughs, and great
speakers. It was exactly what I needed. I came home and looked in the mirror
and smiled at myself ... I'm doing okay, guys, I'm doing A-O-K. There are
plenty of things I need to work on and I welcome it as a challenge ... do be a
better person, to be a stronger person, to be a sober person.

>Life is lived one experience at a time.
>

Righty-o

[>rosie]

"Fred Exley" <fexly221@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1013ofpktltbja4@corp.supernews.com...
> Yes, that's one of the best side-benefits of staying sober -waking
up
> without a hangover and with money in the wallet. Sober two weeks
now, the
> dreams are getting more vivid all the time -usually in the dream
I've been
> drinking, and when I wake up it takes a minute to remember if I
did or
> not... :) -Fred
>


those damn "drinking dreams" really scared me, when they first
happened to me..................i talked about it at a meeting,
because i was convinced that somehow i was a fault only to hear that
many, many folks experienced the same thing, and that eventually
they went away.

when i quit smoking 7+yrs ago, i was tormented with "smoking
dreams".........................it sure brought back memories of my
early sobriety experiences.

hang in there fred!

rosie

[John Doe]

"Fred Exley" <fexly221@msn.com> wrote in
news:1013ofpktltbja4@corp.supernews.com:

> Yes, that's one of the best side-benefits of staying sober -waking up
> without a hangover and with money in the wallet. Sober two weeks now,
> the dreams are getting more vivid all the time -usually in the dream
> I've been drinking, and when I wake up it takes a minute to remember
> if I did or not... :) -Fred
>
Keep up the good work Fred. It took about three months before I remembered
any dreams after I quit drinking, and the first one I remembered was a
drinking dream. It just about ruined my whole next day. I talked to others
about it, and found that it was'nt out of the ordinary, and that helped
alot.It has been almost three years now, and they still come from time to
time, but not nearly as often.

Jeff

--
Live simply so that others may simply live.