another newbie with her story

[Bebop]

Hello everyone,

I have been cruising all these alt.recovery groups trying to get a feel for
the best one. In all my vast (not!) newsgroup experience, this one seems
it.

I have an alcoholic mom and dad. They have been divorced for 30 plus years.
I never had traumatic experiences as a child, I just grew up thinking that
alcohol was the way to have fun. Of course, in my 20's and early 30's it
got way out of hand. I decided to quit and went into intensive outpatient
counseling when I was 26. That was very helpful, even though it was hard to
leave behind my friends and haunts. I was living on the East Coast at the
time but decided to move back home to Oregon. Oops, back to my old friends
and habits. I went back to drinking until I was 33. Finally after having a
child, who was then 2.5, I realized that being a parent and drinking like I
had (binge drinker) did not go well together. Being waken up in the middle
of the night by a scared, hungry or wet child sucked when you were drunk and
had only just gone to bed yourself!!

So, I had a really good drunk one night and was so disgusted that I quit
drinking and smoking cigs that day, cold turkey. That was five years ago.

This is my problem now. I am a total pot head. I am a full-time
stay-at-home mom and my bosses are now 6 and 3 years old. I smoke all day,
every day, starting at about 8am. I love it, but I HATE it. I use to be
able to go several months between bags but not now. Today I just ran out
again.

This is where I need *your* support. Here is my list of reasons to quit: I
could be jepardizing my children's safety (not like when drinking!), I don't
get things done that require interacting with other people, I eat anything
and everything (amazing I'm not heavier), I find excuses not to work out, I
avoid my neighbors sometimes, I don't really listen to the kids (it's hard
to pay attention to rambling anyway) and sometimes don't even answer them, I
stay inside too much, I get dizzy and sometimes headaches, Sometimes I give
the kids the stupidest anwers to their questions leaving them going "HUH?",
I can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds it seems, my attention
span for anything besides art is short, I forget what I was just talking
about, I tend to stay up later and don't get enough sleep, and I don't spend
enough time with my wonderful husband at night.

So, I have mustered up what I need to hopefully get through today but I know
it will be so helpful to have someone, another mom would be awesome, to talk
to.

Sincerely, Beth

[pauly]

You sound very similar to me, if it wasn't one type of abuse it was another,
you will carry on replacing one form of abuse with yet another one until you
address reality, or what to most people is normality. I know normaility is
dreary and oftern tiresomely boring, but we must have an inbuilt coping
mechanism for it, you and I just haven't found ours yet.
"Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org> wrote in message
news:vfjhiqesiq6889@corp.supernews.com...
> Hello everyone,
>
> I have been cruising all these alt.recovery groups trying to get a feel
for
> the best one. In all my vast (not!) newsgroup experience, this one seems
> it.
>
> I have an alcoholic mom and dad. They have been divorced for 30 plus
years.
> I never had traumatic experiences as a child, I just grew up thinking that
> alcohol was the way to have fun. Of course, in my 20's and early 30's it
> got way out of hand. I decided to quit and went into intensive outpatient
> counseling when I was 26. That was very helpful, even though it was hard
to
> leave behind my friends and haunts. I was living on the East Coast at
the
> time but decided to move back home to Oregon. Oops, back to my old
friends
> and habits. I went back to drinking until I was 33. Finally after having
a
> child, who was then 2.5, I realized that being a parent and drinking like
I
> had (binge drinker) did not go well together. Being waken up in the
middle
> of the night by a scared, hungry or wet child sucked when you were drunk
and
> had only just gone to bed yourself!!
>
> So, I had a really good drunk one night and was so disgusted that I quit
> drinking and smoking cigs that day, cold turkey. That was five years ago.
>
> This is my problem now. I am a total pot head. I am a full-time
> stay-at-home mom and my bosses are now 6 and 3 years old. I smoke all
day,
> every day, starting at about 8am. I love it, but I HATE it. I use to be
> able to go several months between bags but not now. Today I just ran out
> again.
>
> This is where I need *your* support. Here is my list of reasons to quit:
I
> could be jepardizing my children's safety (not like when drinking!), I
don't
> get things done that require interacting with other people, I eat anything
> and everything (amazing I'm not heavier), I find excuses not to work out,
I
> avoid my neighbors sometimes, I don't really listen to the kids (it's hard
> to pay attention to rambling anyway) and sometimes don't even answer them,
I
> stay inside too much, I get dizzy and sometimes headaches, Sometimes I
give
> the kids the stupidest anwers to their questions leaving them going
"HUH?",
> I can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds it seems, my attention
> span for anything besides art is short, I forget what I was just talking
> about, I tend to stay up later and don't get enough sleep, and I don't
spend
> enough time with my wonderful husband at night.
>
> So, I have mustered up what I need to hopefully get through today but I
know
> it will be so helpful to have someone, another mom would be awesome, to
talk
> to.
>
> Sincerely, Beth
>
>

[George &The Dragon]

> You sound very similar to me, if it wasn't one type of abuse it was
another,

.................... (sound of bell ringing loudly . . . )

Am I right in thinking that alcoholism isn't just *one* addiction? That our
whole personality is somehow addictive?

Whenever I get involved in something new I really become obsessive about it.
I'm really glad that I grew up in a time and place where drugs weren't
generally available, otherwise I know I would have had more problems than I
already have. And smoking and gambling seem to be rampant among recovering
alcoholics (sex sometimes too). And Debs has mentioned chocolate before
(mmm). When I get involved in a new hobby I plough myself into it to the
exclusion of many other things. This obsessiveness really helped in my
career, but when I get an idea into my head its like an old tune that keeps
replaying over and over again. I have a heck of a job getting rid of it.

Bebop, you just have to quit. I have a feeling that all addictions are the
same, and the only way to get well is to stop completely. It's like jumping
over a canyon. You can't do it in two jumps. All the best.

Aye,
George

[rosie readandpost]

> "Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org> wrote in message news:vfjhiqesiq6889@corp.supernews.com...
> > Hello everyone,
> >
> > I have been cruising all these alt.recovery groups trying to get a feel for
> > the best one. In all my vast (not!) newsgroup experience, this one seems
> > it.
> >

dear beth,
have you looked into your local NA (narcotics anonymous) meetings?
starting in recovery, (though NOT MANDATORY), in a FACE TO FACE manner is imo, always best.
have you talked to your doctor about the amount of marijuana that you use?
possible withdrawal problems?
rosie

[catsruleok]

"Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org> wrote in message news:vfjhiqesiq6889@corp.supernews.com...
> Hello everyone,
>
> I have been cruising all these alt.recovery groups trying to get a feel for
> the best one. In all my vast (not!) newsgroup experience, this one seems
> it.
>
<snip>

> This is my problem now. I am a total pot head. I am a full-time
> stay-at-home mom and my bosses are now 6 and 3 years old. I smoke all day,
> every day, starting at about 8am. I love it, but I HATE it. I use to be
> able to go several months between bags but not now. Today I just ran out
> again.
>
> This is where I need *your* support. Here is my list of reasons to quit: I
> could be jepardizing my children's safety (not like when drinking!), I don't
> get things done that require interacting with other people, I eat anything
> and everything (amazing I'm not heavier), I find excuses not to work out, I
> avoid my neighbors sometimes, I don't really listen to the kids (it's hard
> to pay attention to rambling anyway) and sometimes don't even answer them, I
> stay inside too much, I get dizzy and sometimes headaches, Sometimes I give
> the kids the stupidest anwers to their questions leaving them going "HUH?",
> I can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds it seems, my attention
> span for anything besides art is short, I forget what I was just talking
> about, I tend to stay up later and don't get enough sleep, and I don't spend
> enough time with my wonderful husband at night.
>
> So, I have mustered up what I need to hopefully get through today but I know
> it will be so helpful to have someone, another mom would be awesome, to talk
> to.
>
> Sincerely, Beth
>
Hi Beth,

Firstly congratulations on recognising that you have a worrying drug habit, secondly,
congratulations on wanting to do something it ;and thirdly, having the courage to ask for help. I
reckon that you might find it helpful to find a sympathetic doctor and a support group in the real
world so that you can have face-to-face contact with adults who will want to help you as well as any
online support- groups that you can find. You might also find it helpful at this pont to surf the
net to see if there are groups that support moms. I'm sure that there must be such groups because I
know that bringing up kids is a stressful occupation no matter what their parent's state of health
is. I'm sorry not to be able to give you any helpful links.

I'm convinced that if you really want to kick your drug habit, you will do it if you find the right
help. Hopefully, this group will be one source of help.

I'll be thinking of you and hoping that from now on, every day for you will be a better day than the
day before.

JB

[Bebop]

Thanks George!
No doubt, I am SOO glad other drugs weren't rampant "back then!!" Jeez,
there but by the grace of God go I. Is that how it goes? Anyway, I loved
your analogy about the canyon jump. I am, yes, obsessive (goes without
saying) and know that once I make up my mind, that's it, no more pot.
Honest to God, I did it with alcohol and Cigs.

I don't miss alcohol, all I have to do is remember my hangovers first,
actions second. I walked out into a street late at night, wasted, and a car
pulled over and drove me home. I couldn't even get in the door. Just think
of the fun he could have had with me if he were so inclined. I know I live
under a lucky star and am glad I quit before fate turned on me.

Now this pot thing..............no one is going to want to talk to me now
because I found another little stash. Actually my husband comes home from
work and says "how's it going?" I told him I was in a bad mood and that the
kids, for all the effort I went to to get them out of the house and down to
a beautiful park next to Applegate River, they still found things to
complain about. Now, if I were stoned I would just lay by the river, play
my guitar, and tell the kids to go complain to that big, huge, tree over
there.
Anyway, so my husband says, well, lucky you, I put some away for you. So
now I have a little more to prolong the initial agony. See how pathetic it
is with me? I swear I would be going through the carpet in my garage
looking for lost buds by morning. But, once it's gone, my WILL OF STEEL
will kick in and I will magically, overnight:
eat less
sit and listen to everything my sweethearts want to tell me
start the neighborhood watch I've been thinking about
and la, de da, de da
You know, the perfect and funnest mommy and wife
Humph

"Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org> wrote in message
news:vfjhiqesiq6889@corp.supernews.com...
> Hello everyone,
>
> I have been cruising all these alt.recovery groups trying to get a feel
for
> the best one. In all my vast (not!) newsgroup experience, this one seems
> it.
>
> I have an alcoholic mom and dad. They have been divorced for 30 plus
years.
> I never had traumatic experiences as a child, I just grew up thinking that
> alcohol was the way to have fun. Of course, in my 20's and early 30's it
> got way out of hand. I decided to quit and went into intensive outpatient
> counseling when I was 26. That was very helpful, even though it was hard
to
> leave behind my friends and haunts. I was living on the East Coast at
the
> time but decided to move back home to Oregon. Oops, back to my old
friends
> and habits. I went back to drinking until I was 33. Finally after having
a
> child, who was then 2.5, I realized that being a parent and drinking like
I
> had (binge drinker) did not go well together. Being waken up in the
middle
> of the night by a scared, hungry or wet child sucked when you were drunk
and
> had only just gone to bed yourself!!
>
> So, I had a really good drunk one night and was so disgusted that I quit
> drinking and smoking cigs that day, cold turkey. That was five years ago.
>
> This is my problem now. I am a total pot head. I am a full-time
> stay-at-home mom and my bosses are now 6 and 3 years old. I smoke all
day,
> every day, starting at about 8am. I love it, but I HATE it. I use to be
> able to go several months between bags but not now. Today I just ran out
> again.
>
> This is where I need *your* support. Here is my list of reasons to quit:
I
> could be jepardizing my children's safety (not like when drinking!), I
don't
> get things done that require interacting with other people, I eat anything
> and everything (amazing I'm not heavier), I find excuses not to work out,
I
> avoid my neighbors sometimes, I don't really listen to the kids (it's hard
> to pay attention to rambling anyway) and sometimes don't even answer them,
I
> stay inside too much, I get dizzy and sometimes headaches, Sometimes I
give
> the kids the stupidest anwers to their questions leaving them going
"HUH?",
> I can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds it seems, my attention
> span for anything besides art is short, I forget what I was just talking
> about, I tend to stay up later and don't get enough sleep, and I don't
spend
> enough time with my wonderful husband at night.
>
> So, I have mustered up what I need to hopefully get through today but I
know
> it will be so helpful to have someone, another mom would be awesome, to
talk
> to.
>
> Sincerely, Beth
>
>

[catsruleok]

"Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org> wrote in message news:vfm47ag288s499@corp.supernews.com...
<snip

> Now this pot thing..............no one is going to want to talk to me now
> because I found another little stash. Actually my husband comes home from
> work and says "how's it going?" I told him I was in a bad mood and that the
> kids, for all the effort I went to to get them out of the house and down to
> a beautiful park next to Applegate River, they still found things to
> complain about. Now, if I were stoned I would just lay by the river, play
> my guitar, and tell the kids to go complain to that big, huge, tree over
> there.
> Anyway, so my husband says, well, lucky you, I put some away for you. So
> now I have a little more to prolong the initial agony. See how pathetic it
> is with me? I swear I would be going through the carpet in my garage
> looking for lost buds by morning. But, once it's gone, my WILL OF STEEL
> will kick in and I will magically, overnight:
> eat less
> sit and listen to everything my sweethearts want to tell me
> start the neighborhood watch I've been thinking about
> and la, de da, de da
> You know, the perfect and funnest mommy and wife
> Humph
>
<snip>

Hi Beth,

As you've already kicked other damaging habits, if can crack your addiction to drugs, you could
become an inspiration to others. Think on that girl.. Doesn't that sound good ?

Now, let me tell you something in response to your comment about being able to change overnight.
Unless you are built differently to the rest of us who get addicted to substances, it ain't gonna
happen. You're gonna need to use that will of steel of yours for a heck of a lot longer than that.
If you can't at the moment, go a day without a fix, work out your own timescale and use that will of
steel of yours to make you stick to it. If you manage to stick to your plan, you'll be dead proud
of yourself..

One final thought. If your will of steel lets you down and you are determined to kick your drug
habit, I reckon you should not be proud to ask for help from doctors and support groups for people
with drug habits. And don't forget to post here if you reckon we're going of any use.

Good luck girl I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well..

JB

[catsruleok]

"catsruleok" <catsruleok@bigfoot.com> wrote in message news:bdf69i$s1d$1@news6.svr.pol.co.uk...
> "Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org> wrote in message news:vfm47ag288s499@corp.supernews.com...
<snip>
>

>
> As you've already kicked other damaging habits, if can crack your addiction to drugs, you could
> become an inspiration to others. Think on that girl.. Doesn't that sound good ?

Amendment to previous post.

I meant to say that you could become a *further* inspiration to others.

JB

[Bebop]

I like you guys :) My gut feeling got me here and it seemed to be right.
I'll be back next week. We have got to get away from the 100 degree
temperatures in the valley and head for the coast where most likely
sweatshirts will be required. Hasta la pasta...


"catsruleok" <catsruleok@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
news:bdfb7t$kd2$1@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> "catsruleok" <catsruleok@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
news:bdf69i$s1d$1@news6.svr.pol.co.uk...
> > "Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org> wrote in message
news:vfm47ag288s499@corp.supernews.com...
> <snip>
> >
>
> >
> > As you've already kicked other damaging habits, if can crack your
addiction to drugs, you could
> > become an inspiration to others. Think on that girl.. Doesn't that
sound good ?
>
> Amendment to previous post.
>
> I meant to say that you could become a *further* inspiration to others.
>
> JB
>
>
>

[Dan Ballance]

On Wed, 25 Jun 2003 09:21:25 -0700, "Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org>
wrote:

hiya beth, dope is a tricky one I reckon. used to smoke quite heavily
but it started making me really paranois so I quit due to just
disliking the effects in the end. However, quite a few of my friends
are hooked, big time. To be honest, they seem really stupid when
they're stoned. A little retarded! Nice but dim. I used to think I
was very deep and meaningful when I was stoned, but I realise now it
was just a dream.

>This is where I need *your* support. Here is my list of reasons to quit: I
>could be jepardizing my children's safety (not like when drinking!), I don't
>get things done that require interacting with other people, I eat anything
>and everything (amazing I'm not heavier), I find excuses not to work out, I
>avoid my neighbors sometimes, I don't really listen to the kids (it's hard
>to pay attention to rambling anyway) and sometimes don't even answer them, I
>stay inside too much, I get dizzy and sometimes headaches, Sometimes I give
>the kids the stupidest anwers to their questions leaving them going "HUH?",
>I can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds it seems, my attention
>span for anything besides art is short, I forget what I was just talking
>about, I tend to stay up later and don't get enough sleep, and I don't spend
>enough time with my wonderful husband at night.

seems like you are already aware of how cannabis can make you waste
your whole day - and thereby your life. I don't reckon it's a terrible
drug - stayin off the booze is preferable - but it really does seem to
make everybody really lazy.

have you thought about listing all the things you like about getting
stoned and doing a costs/benefits analysis. It's worth looking at what
you are getting from a drug and then really thinking about other
places/people/expereinces you could turn to, to try and get a similar
postive effect in your life.

cool to ear from you, stay in contact,

dan ;-)

[Robert McGregor]

"George &The Dragon" <george@dragon.ca> wrote in message
news:aMsKa.4458$Fe3.706098@news20.bellglobal.com.. .
> > You sound very similar to me, if it wasn't one type of abuse it was
> another,
>
> .................... (sound of bell ringing loudly . . . )
>
> Am I right in thinking that alcoholism isn't just *one* addiction? That
our
> whole personality is somehow addictive?
>

For you, maybe. For all alcoholics, certainly not. The drug addict
contingent in AA, plus "two hatters," (AA members who profit from the
treatment industry,) are prone to spread that particular fallacy though.

Bob

[Bebop]

Hi Dan,

I know what you mean by "nice but dim." I wonder if at what point people
begin to say that about me. Hmmm, I don't know anyone down here all too
well but there are enough people I come into contact with. I am the leader
of a girls club here, I won't mention any names, but was just told that I
was a "sought out" leader which makes me feel good. I go all out for my
girls. Anyway, I am one of those people that get totally motivated on pot.
I clean, I do art, I refinish furniture, I can't stop working! Probably
some sort of symptom. Actually, no, I am just that type of person.

It's a tough call. Sometimes I'm thinking, you know what? I am just going
through this heavy using right now in my life because I *can*. No one is
going to fire me. Life is so good sittin' by the river. I've never been
happier. What I need is for my husband to be my enabler and just give me a
little bud in the evening when he gets home. He's sweet, he does do that
for me. But fact of the matter is, I am hooked and I am very open about it.
I am getting dumber but on one hand I say, "so what?", enough smarts will
return after quiting to get me by no problem. Does this reasoning seem
familiar to anyone??

Don't worry, I can see right through myself too. :) At least I'm happy

[message truncated]
"Dan Ballance" <DanBallance@noSpamexcite.com> wrote in message
news:61aofvoeg7ui4hd26bibou5fcqbbeiio4r@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 25 Jun 2003 09:21:25 -0700, "Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org>
> wrote:
>
> hiya beth, dope is a tricky one I reckon. used to smoke quite heavily
> but it started making me really paranois so I quit due to just
> disliking the effects in the end. However, quite a few of my friends
> are hooked, big time. To be honest, they seem really stupid when
> they're stoned. A little retarded! Nice but dim. I used to think I
> was very deep and meaningful when I was stoned, but I realise now it
> was just a dream.
>
> >This is where I need *your* support. Here is my list of reasons to quit:
I
> >could be jepardizing my children's safety (not like when drinking!), I
don't
> >get things done that require interacting with other people, I eat
anything
> >and everything (amazing I'm not heavier), I find excuses not to work out,
I
> >avoid my neighbors sometimes, I don't really listen to the kids (it's
hard
> >to pay attention to rambling anyway) and sometimes don't even answer
them, I
> >stay inside too much, I get dizzy and sometimes headaches, Sometimes I
give
> >the kids the stupidest anwers to their questions leaving them going
"HUH?",
> >I can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds it seems, my attention
> >span for anything besides art is short, I forget what I was just talking
> >about, I tend to stay up later and don't get enough sleep, and I don't
spend
> >enough time with my wonderful husband at night.
>
> seems like you are already aware of how cannabis can make you waste
> your whole day - and thereby your life. I don't reckon it's a terrible
> drug - stayin off the booze is preferable - but it really does seem to
> make everybody really lazy.
>
> have you thought about listing all the things you like about getting
> stoned and doing a costs/benefits analysis. It's worth looking at what
> you are getting from a drug and then really thinking about other
> places/people/expereinces you could turn to, to try and get a similar
> postive effect in your life.
>
> cool to ear from you, stay in contact,
>
> dan ;-)

[Dan Ballance]

On Sat, 28 Jun 2003 15:22:18 -0700, "Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org>
wrote:

>Hi Dan,
>

hiya

>I know what you mean by "nice but dim." I wonder if at what point people
>begin to say that about me. Hmmm, I don't know anyone down here all too
>well but there are enough people I come into contact with. I am the leader
>of a girls club here, I won't mention any names, but was just told that I
>was a "sought out" leader which makes me feel good. I go all out for my
>girls. Anyway, I am one of those people that get totally motivated on pot.
>I clean, I do art, I refinish furniture, I can't stop working! Probably
>some sort of symptom. Actually, no, I am just that type of person.
>

well thats good then, maybe i misread your first post. IMO if you're
functioning ok, there's not necessarily any reason to stop. i just
wonder what negatives are making you consider stopping. Or is it just
the fact that you know you are addicted. If you don't get a smoke of
an evening, what happens? (sorry im being really nosey now, ignore as
you choose!)

>It's a tough call. Sometimes I'm thinking, you know what? I am just going
>through this heavy using right now in my life because I *can*. No one is
>going to fire me. Life is so good sittin' by the river.

sounds lovelly, there is beach a few minutes from my house, but a
river sounds very tranquil

>I've never been happier. What I need is for my husband to be my enabler and just give me a
>little bud in the evening when he gets home. He's sweet, he does do that
>for me. But fact of the matter is, I am hooked and I am very open about it.
>I am getting dumber but on one hand I say, "so what?", enough smarts will
>return after quiting to get me by no problem. Does this reasoning seem
>familiar to anyone??
>
>Don't worry, I can see right through myself too. :) At least I'm happy

enjoy ;-)