Buddy H.
06-24-2003, 06:51 PM
Narcissistic Parents
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Personality_Disorders/narcissism/faq5.html
http://www2.cddc.vt.edu/gutenberg/etext03/malsl10h.htm
Question:
What is the effect that a Narcissist parent has on his off spring?
Answer:
At the risk of over-simplification: Narcissism tends to breed
Narcissism. The Narcissistic parent regards his or her child as a
multi-faceted source of Narcissistic supply. The child is
considered and treated as an extension of the Narcissist's
personality. It is through the child that the Narcissist seeks to
settle "open accounts" with the world. The child is supposed to
materialize the unfulfilled Narcissistic dreams and fantasies of
the Narcissistic parent. This "Life by Proxy" can develop in two
possible ways: the Narcissist can either merge with his child or
be ambivalent towards him. The ambivalence is the result of a
conflict between the attainment of Narcissistic goals and
pathological (destructive) envy.
To ameliorate the unease bred by emotional ambivalence, the
Narcissist resorts to a myriad of control mechanisms. The latter
can be grouped into: guilt-driven ("I sacrificed my life for
you…"), dependence-driven ("I need you, I cannot cope without
you…"), goal-driven ("We have a common goal which we must
achieve") and explicit ("If you do not adhere to my principles,
beliefs, ideology, religion or any other set of values – sanctions
will be imposed").
The exercise of control helps to sustain the illusion that the
child is a part of the Narcissist. Such sustenance calls for
extraordinary levels of control (on the part of the parent) and
obedience (on the part of the child). The relationship is
typically symbiotic and emotionally vicissitudinal and turbulent.
The child fulfils another important Narcissistic function – that
of Narcissistic supply. There is no denying the implied (though
imaginary) immortality in having a child. The early (natural)
dependence of the child serves to assuage the fear of abandonment,
which is THE driving force in the Narcissist's life. The
Narcissist tries to perpetuate this dependence, using the
aforementioned control mechanisms. The child is the penultimate
Secondary Narcissistic Source of Supply. He is present, he
admires, he accumulates and remembers, owing to his wish to be
loved he can be extorted into forever giving. For the Narcissist,
a child is a dream come true, but only in the most egotistical
sense. When the child is perceived as "reneging" on his chief duty
(to provide his Narcissistic parent with constant supply of
adoration) – the emotional reaction is harsh and revealing.
It is when the Narcissistic parent is disenchanted with his child
that we see the true nature of this pathological relationship. The
child is totally objectified. The Narcissist reacts to a breach in
the unwritten contract with wells of aggression and aggressive
transformations: contempt, rage, emotional and psychological
abuse, and even physical violence. He tries to annihilate the real
child (brought to the Narcissist's awareness through the child's
refusal to act as before) and substitute it with the subservient,
edifying, former version.
The Narcissistic parent tends to produce another Narcissist in his
child.
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Personality_Disorders/narcissism/faq5.html
http://www2.cddc.vt.edu/gutenberg/etext03/malsl10h.htm
Question:
What is the effect that a Narcissist parent has on his off spring?
Answer:
At the risk of over-simplification: Narcissism tends to breed
Narcissism. The Narcissistic parent regards his or her child as a
multi-faceted source of Narcissistic supply. The child is
considered and treated as an extension of the Narcissist's
personality. It is through the child that the Narcissist seeks to
settle "open accounts" with the world. The child is supposed to
materialize the unfulfilled Narcissistic dreams and fantasies of
the Narcissistic parent. This "Life by Proxy" can develop in two
possible ways: the Narcissist can either merge with his child or
be ambivalent towards him. The ambivalence is the result of a
conflict between the attainment of Narcissistic goals and
pathological (destructive) envy.
To ameliorate the unease bred by emotional ambivalence, the
Narcissist resorts to a myriad of control mechanisms. The latter
can be grouped into: guilt-driven ("I sacrificed my life for
you…"), dependence-driven ("I need you, I cannot cope without
you…"), goal-driven ("We have a common goal which we must
achieve") and explicit ("If you do not adhere to my principles,
beliefs, ideology, religion or any other set of values – sanctions
will be imposed").
The exercise of control helps to sustain the illusion that the
child is a part of the Narcissist. Such sustenance calls for
extraordinary levels of control (on the part of the parent) and
obedience (on the part of the child). The relationship is
typically symbiotic and emotionally vicissitudinal and turbulent.
The child fulfils another important Narcissistic function – that
of Narcissistic supply. There is no denying the implied (though
imaginary) immortality in having a child. The early (natural)
dependence of the child serves to assuage the fear of abandonment,
which is THE driving force in the Narcissist's life. The
Narcissist tries to perpetuate this dependence, using the
aforementioned control mechanisms. The child is the penultimate
Secondary Narcissistic Source of Supply. He is present, he
admires, he accumulates and remembers, owing to his wish to be
loved he can be extorted into forever giving. For the Narcissist,
a child is a dream come true, but only in the most egotistical
sense. When the child is perceived as "reneging" on his chief duty
(to provide his Narcissistic parent with constant supply of
adoration) – the emotional reaction is harsh and revealing.
It is when the Narcissistic parent is disenchanted with his child
that we see the true nature of this pathological relationship. The
child is totally objectified. The Narcissist reacts to a breach in
the unwritten contract with wells of aggression and aggressive
transformations: contempt, rage, emotional and psychological
abuse, and even physical violence. He tries to annihilate the real
child (brought to the Narcissist's awareness through the child's
refusal to act as before) and substitute it with the subservient,
edifying, former version.
The Narcissistic parent tends to produce another Narcissist in his
child.