Why is it?

[someone in need]

If I may ask someone who has been there.



Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.

I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?

Thank you

[David M]

someone in need wrote:

> If I may ask someone who has been there.

> Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift
> from true friends and family to prefer the company of other
> alcoholics.

> I understand the family become the enemy but what about
> true friends?

> Thank you

Most alcoholics are ashamed of their drinking and don't want those
who care for them to see it.

[Bobby L]

"someone in need" <nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote in message
news:ge0fg198gb7saubmrj6thd2m39sjkib7fn@4ax.com...
> If I may ask someone who has been there.
>
>
>
> Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
> friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
>
> I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
>
> Thank you

For the same reason that water seeks its own level. Tough to find folks
that drink like we do.

Bobby L

[Darren]

"someone in need" <nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote in message
news:ge0fg198gb7saubmrj6thd2m39sjkib7fn@4ax.com...
> If I may ask someone who has been there.
>
>
>
> Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
> friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
>
> I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
>
> Thank you

Speaking personally, the way i behaved when drinking was diabolical and my
relationships between friends and family were strained at best but they
stayed with me because they knew it was the drink talking. When I gave up
the booze they gave me a second chance.

Darren

[bizbear@charter.net]

On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 19:19:45 GMT, someone in need
<nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:

>If I may ask someone who has been there.
>
>
>
>Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
>friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
>
>I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
>
>Thank you

Misery loves company.

[someone in need]

On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 18:58:49 -0500, bizbear@charter.net wrote:

>On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 19:19:45 GMT, someone in need
><nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:
>
>>If I may ask someone who has been there.
>>
>>
>>
>>Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
>>friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
>>
>>I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
>>
>>Thank you
>
>Misery loves company.


So do alcoholics feel miserable or think they are happy?

[Bobby L]

"someone in need" <nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote in message
news:r4pfg1hk463300k76c9srmubv9e9oi6o0f@4ax.com...
> On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 18:58:49 -0500, bizbear@charter.net wrote:
>
> >On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 19:19:45 GMT, someone in need
> ><nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:
> >
> >>If I may ask someone who has been there.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
> >>friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
> >>
> >>I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
> >>
> >>Thank you
> >
> >Misery loves company.
>
>
> So do alcoholics feel miserable or think they are happy?
>

That's the part most non-alcoholics simply do not understand.... Alcoholic
wasn't the problem.... IT WAS THE SOLUTION!

Bobby L

[Dudley Do Rite]

I found that I connected more with other alcoholics during my early days
than I could with my past friends. Only other drunks, knew what it was like
to struggle with what my struggles were. Or understood why I couldn't sleep
for the first few weeks. Or why I kept snapping at people when I thought I
should have a handle on things.

Today was Day 80 and I'm only now beginning to re-acclimate myself with my
former acquaintances and "friends". It's getting better but it's slow.

steve

"someone in need" <nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote in message
news:ge0fg198gb7saubmrj6thd2m39sjkib7fn@4ax.com...
> If I may ask someone who has been there.
>
>
>
> Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
> friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
>
> I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
>
> Thank you

[someone in need]

On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:31:32 -0400, "Bobby L"
<bobbyl2000@bellsouth.net> wrote:

>
>"someone in need" <nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote in message
>news:r4pfg1hk463300k76c9srmubv9e9oi6o0f@4ax.com...
>> On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 18:58:49 -0500, bizbear@charter.net wrote:
>>
>> >On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 19:19:45 GMT, someone in need
>> ><nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:
>> >
>> >>If I may ask someone who has been there.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
>> >>friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
>> >>
>> >>I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
>> >>
>> >>Thank you
>> >
>> >Misery loves company.
>>
>>
>> So do alcoholics feel miserable or think they are happy?
>>
>
>That's the part most non-alcoholics simply do not understand.... Alcoholic
>wasn't the problem.... IT WAS THE SOLUTION!
>
>Bobby L
>
>

"The solution" perceived in the minds of those drinking is not
synonymous with reason, logic or clarity.

I DO understand the point you make.

I have heard varying stories from recovered alcoholics. Some say they
were very unhappy whil drinking, others say they didn't give a damn
about anything except the next drink.
Another says he was a highly functional alcoholic and in the next
sentence recalls being evicted and fired numerous times.

[someone in need]

On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 14:32:38 -0500, "David M" <dhmce@insightbb.com>
wrote:

>someone in need wrote:
>
>> If I may ask someone who has been there.
>
>> Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift
>> from true friends and family to prefer the company of other
>> alcoholics.
>
>> I understand the family become the enemy but what about
>> true friends?
>
>> Thank you
>
>Most alcoholics are ashamed of their drinking and don't want those
>who care for them to see it.
>
>
Does this mean they still KNOW who really cares about them?

[David M]

someone in need wrote:
> David M wrote:
>> someone in need wrote:

>>> If I may ask someone who has been there.

>>> Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift
>>> from true friends and family to prefer the company of other
>>> alcoholics.

>>> I understand the family become the enemy but what about
>>> true friends?

>>> Thank you

>> Most alcoholics are ashamed of their drinking and don't
>> want those who care for them to see it.

> Does this mean they still KNOW who really cares about
> them?

What difference does it make? Shame is shame. So we hid from those
who knew us.

[Dreamspinner3]

I'm not an alcoholic but I am married to one & grew up with many.
From how I see it, alcoholics drift away from "true friends" because
the "true friends" won't accept the alcoholic's denial and won't play
into it. Instead, they will tell the alcoholic the truth, as best
they see it, the alcoholic doesn't want to hear the truth, and thus
parts ways.

-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

[Dreamspinner3]

On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:31:32 -0400, "Bobby L"
<bobbyl2000@bellsouth.net> wrote:

>That's the part most non-alcoholics simply do not understand.... Alcoholic
>wasn't the problem.... IT WAS THE SOLUTION!

Alcohol is the solution? In all of my years in Al-Anon & in therapy,
I've never heard of anyone putting it this way before.

-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

[Gregg Fowler]

It may appear that way, but I know at least for me it was more a matter of
guilt, shame, and feeling different. It had nothing to do with them
accepting my denial even when I was deep into it. It was more that I
wanted to be around those in the same miserable situation so that we could
live in denial together. I had nothing in common I felt with my friends
anymore, I just wanted to hide and did so.

Gregg

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 16:35:17 -0500, Dreamspinner3
<dreamspinner3@gmail.com> wrote:

> I'm not an alcoholic but I am married to one & grew up with many.
> From how I see it, alcoholics drift away from "true friends" because
> the "true friends" won't accept the alcoholic's denial and won't play
> into it. Instead, they will tell the alcoholic the truth, as best
> they see it, the alcoholic doesn't want to hear the truth, and thus
> parts ways.
>
> -----
> Kim/Dreamspinner3
> Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

[bizbear@charter.net]

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 18:51:40 GMT, someone in need
<nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:

>On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:31:32 -0400, "Bobby L"
><bobbyl2000@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>
>>
>>"someone in need" <nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote in message
>>news:r4pfg1hk463300k76c9srmubv9e9oi6o0f@4ax.com...
>>> On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 18:58:49 -0500, bizbear@charter.net wrote:
>>>
>>> >On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 19:19:45 GMT, someone in need
>>> ><nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:
>>> >
>>> >>If I may ask someone who has been there.
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>Why is it as alcoholism develops a person may/will drift from true
>>> >>friends and family to prefer the company of other alcoholics.
>>> >>
>>> >>I understand the family become the enemy but what about true friends?
>>> >>
>>> >>Thank you
>>> >
>>> >Misery loves company.
>>>
>>>
>>> So do alcoholics feel miserable or think they are happy?

Ever met a happy alcoholic who is active in their disease? We think
not.
>>>
>>
>>That's the part most non-alcoholics simply do not understand.... Alcoholic
>>wasn't the problem.... IT WAS THE SOLUTION!

I disagree, to a point. Alcohol isn't the problem. The problem is the
alcoholic. Alcohol is just the mood altering chemical of choice.

No way in hell is alcohol the solution for an alcoholic
>>
>>Bobby L
>>
>>
>
>"The solution" perceived in the minds of those drinking is not
>synonymous with reason, logic or clarity.
>
>I DO understand the point you make.
>
>I have heard varying stories from recovered alcoholics. Some say they
>were very unhappy whil drinking, others say they didn't give a damn
>about anything except the next drink.
>Another says he was a highly functional alcoholic and in the next
>sentence recalls being evicted and fired numerous times.
>

[someone in need]

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 19:55:19 -0500, "Gregg Fowler"
<greggfowler@removethiscomcast.net> wrote:

>It may appear that way, but I know at least for me it was more a matter of
>guilt, shame, and feeling different. It had nothing to do with them
>accepting my denial even when I was deep into it. It was more that I
>wanted to be around those in the same miserable situation so that we could
>live in denial together. I had nothing in common I felt with my friends
>anymore, I just wanted to hide and did so.
>
>Gregg
>
>On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 16:35:17 -0500, Dreamspinner3
><dreamspinner3@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> I'm not an alcoholic but I am married to one & grew up with many.
>> From how I see it, alcoholics drift away from "true friends" because
>> the "true friends" won't accept the alcoholic's denial and won't play
>> into it. Instead, they will tell the alcoholic the truth, as best
>> they see it, the alcoholic doesn't want to hear the truth, and thus
>> parts ways.
>>
>> -----
>> Kim/Dreamspinner3
>> Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
>


Did you(any recovered alcoholic)ever actually believe that you DID NOT
DRINK?

The reason I pose this question is that my loved one has said "I work
too much and don't have time to drink"

I wonder if she could actually be delusional and BELIEVE she does NOT
drink, vs thta statement representing simple denial.

Thank you to anyone that answers.

[Dreamspinner3]

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 19:55:19 -0500, "Gregg Fowler"
<greggfowler@removethiscomcast.net> wrote:

>It may appear that way, but I know at least for me it was more a matter of
>guilt, shame, and feeling different. It had nothing to do with them
>accepting my denial even when I was deep into it. It was more that I
>wanted to be around those in the same miserable situation so that we could
>live in denial together. I had nothing in common I felt with my friends
>anymore, I just wanted to hide and did so.

I see. I think it is probably a combination of both in most
situations.

-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

[Gregg Fowler]

On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 21:29:48 -0500, someone in need
<nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:



> Did you(any recovered alcoholic)ever actually believe that you DID NOT
> DRINK?
>
> The reason I pose this question is that my loved one has said "I work
> too much and don't have time to drink"
>
> I wonder if she could actually be delusional and BELIEVE she does NOT
> drink, vs thta statement representing simple denial.
>
> Thank you to anyone that answers.
>


I always knew whether I drank or not of course. I may have minimized the
amount to myself, but I most always lied to others about the amount.

Gregg

[someone in need]

On Mon, 22 Aug 2005 17:28:31 -0500, "Gregg Fowler"
<greggfowler@removethiscomcast.net> wrote:

>On Sun, 21 Aug 2005 21:29:48 -0500, someone in need
><nospamplease@somewhere.com> wrote:
>
>
>
>> Did you(any recovered alcoholic)ever actually believe that you DID NOT
>> DRINK?
>>
>> The reason I pose this question is that my loved one has said "I work
>> too much and don't have time to drink"
>>
>> I wonder if she could actually be delusional and BELIEVE she does NOT
>> drink, vs thta statement representing simple denial.
>>
>> Thank you to anyone that answers.
>>
>
>
>I always knew whether I drank or not of course. I may have minimized the
>amount to myself, but I most always lied to others about the amount.
>
>Gregg





All of the responses have been enlightening.

Thank you.

If I may ask another questio;

While drinking and projecting an "in control" pompous attitude (not
everyone ofcourse)

Did you cry? If so was it while intoxicated or hungover or neither?

Thank you.


I don't mean to pry. I am trying my best to learn about alcoholism to
help me better cope with the family member I love.

[David M]

someone in need wrote:

> I don't mean to pry. I am trying my best to learn about
> alcoholism to help me better cope with the family member
> I love.

http://tinyurl.com/dkdjf

[Bobby L]

"Dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:jushg15b14r8vvfqk9mf205u2hbifnbk3u@4ax.com...
> On Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:31:32 -0400, "Bobby L"
> <bobbyl2000@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>
> >That's the part most non-alcoholics simply do not understand....
Alcoholic
> >wasn't the problem.... IT WAS THE SOLUTION!
>
> Alcohol is the solution? In all of my years in Al-Anon & in therapy,
> I've never heard of anyone putting it this way before.
>


That's the part most non-alcoholics never come to understand. Alcohol
wasn't our problem..... it was our solution.... until it didn't work. It
stopped fixing things.... it stopped making everything alright..... and
worst of all.... we started remembering. Many of non-alcoholics have never
drunk themselves sober and rarely understand the concept, but it can seem to
be done. You see when I could no longer tell the true from the false....
the best solution I could come up with .... THE VERY BEST SOLUTION I could
imagine... I found in the bottles.

But that was then.....

Bobby L

[someone in need]

On Tue, 23 Aug 2005 10:58:25 -0500, "David M" <dhmce@insightbb.com>
wrote:

>someone in need wrote:
>
>> I don't mean to pry. I am trying my best to learn about
>> alcoholism to help me better cope with the family member
>> I love.
>
>http://tinyurl.com/dkdjf
>
>


I already am a grateful Alanon member.