Fourth Step, then Fifth

[Gail]

Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step four
would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says to do it in
the Big Book. I am on mine now.
Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone else. Do I
tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can trust the person I do
my step five with?
Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)


-- Gail

[Robert McGregor]

"Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step four
> would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says to do it
in
> the Big Book. I am on mine now.
> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone else. Do I
> tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can trust the person I do
> my step five with?
> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>
>

If you are fearing sequential step five disclosure before you have even
taken the sequential step four inventory, how could it be a fearless and
thorough inventory?

I applied the One Step At A Time with the One Day At A Time philosophy

Perhaps you could ask yourself how thorough was your sequential step three?

As to step five, the Big Book opinion is explicit, if you don't trust the
person, postpone the step! http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_74.htm

Bob
http://blank.org/link/?q=1059216536

[Gail]

Robert McGregor wrote:
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
>> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step
>> four would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says
>> to do it in the Big Book. I am on mine now.
>> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone
>> else. Do I tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can
>> trust the person I do my step five with?
>> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>>
>>
>
> If you are fearing sequential step five disclosure before you have
> even taken the sequential step four inventory, how could it be a
> fearless and thorough inventory?
>
> I applied the One Step At A Time with the One Day At A Time philosophy
>
> Perhaps you could ask yourself how thorough was your sequential step
> three?
>
> As to step five, the Big Book opinion is explicit, if you don't trust
> the person, postpone the step! http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_74.htm
>
> Bob
> http://blank.org/link/?q=1059216536

Hey, thank you for the links and the suggestions.
I heard someone say the other night that they couldn't fully do step three
until after they had done four, five and six. Sometimes it does get somewhat
confusing. I have resentments, but nothing I want to drink over now. Present
holds my biggest fears and resentments. I am sure I have past ones, just
aren't things I dwell on now. I put them down anyway?
Gail

[Robert McGregor]

"Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:vi4osngjcahd03@corp.supernews.com...
> Robert McGregor wrote:
> > "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
> >> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step
> >> four would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says
> >> to do it in the Big Book. I am on mine now.
> >> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone
> >> else. Do I tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can
> >> trust the person I do my step five with?
> >> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
> >>
> >>
> >
> > If you are fearing sequential step five disclosure before you have
> > even taken the sequential step four inventory, how could it be a
> > fearless and thorough inventory?
> >
> > I applied the One Step At A Time with the One Day At A Time philosophy
> >
> > Perhaps you could ask yourself how thorough was your sequential step
> > three?
> >
> > As to step five, the Big Book opinion is explicit, if you don't trust
> > the person, postpone the step! http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_74.htm
> >
> > Bob
> > http://blank.org/link/?q=1059216536
>
> Hey, thank you for the links and the suggestions.
> I heard someone say the other night that they couldn't fully do step
three
> until after they had done four, five and six.

On making the decision, I implemented it, by prayer, then action.
http://blank.org/link/?q=1059219775



>Sometimes it does get somewhat
> confusing. I have resentments, but nothing I want to drink over now.
Present
> holds my biggest fears and resentments. I am sure I have past ones, just
> aren't things I dwell on now. I put them down anyway?
> Gail
>
>

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. "

I accepted that as being present tense, what I am, not what I was.

Discovered though that many present actions can have a past motivator. Those
past triggers remain/ed in the background, like subliminal music from an old
tape that has not been completely erased. Perhaps that is why the word is
"searching."

Perhaps an important part of my experience I missed pointing out is that all
of my recovery entailed the best I can do on the day, one day at a time.
With the exception of step five, no point in delaying progress just because
I "hoped" to do the step "better" over a week, month, year.

Bob

[Bobby L.]

"Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step four
> would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says to do it
in
> the Big Book. I am on mine now.
> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone else. Do I
> tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can trust the person I do
> my step five with?
> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>
>
> -- Gail
>
>

Gail,


As Robert said, One Step at a time.... For now, forget about step five.
Focus on step four. Hell, it might be a while before you get to step five.
I spent several weeks working on step four. The person who helped me
through step four suggested I work on it no more than an hour or two a day;
he also reminded me I probably did some good things too!

I found a quiet spot, had a long talk with my higher power and then would
write. I was afraid someone would find my list, so I only wrote down enough
for me to remember the incidents in question.

Don't worry about step five right now. Forget ALL the remaining steps for
now. Remember Step three "to the Care of." Your higher power will take
"care" of you, if you let it.

Bobby L

[Gail]

Robert McGregor wrote:
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vi4osngjcahd03@corp.supernews.com...
>> Robert McGregor wrote:
>>> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>>> news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
>>>> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step
>>>> four would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it
>>>> says to do it in the Big Book. I am on mine now.
>>>> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone
>>>> else. Do I tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can
>>>> trust the person I do my step five with?
>>>> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>> If you are fearing sequential step five disclosure before you have
>>> even taken the sequential step four inventory, how could it be a
>>> fearless and thorough inventory?
>>>
>>> I applied the One Step At A Time with the One Day At A Time
>>> philosophy
>>>
>>> Perhaps you could ask yourself how thorough was your sequential step
>>> three?
>>>
>>> As to step five, the Big Book opinion is explicit, if you don't
>>> trust the person, postpone the step!
>>> http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_74.htm
>>>
>>> Bob
>>> http://blank.org/link/?q=1059216536
>>
>> Hey, thank you for the links and the suggestions.
>> I heard someone say the other night that they couldn't fully do step
>> three until after they had done four, five and six.
>
> On making the decision, I implemented it, by prayer, then action.
> http://blank.org/link/?q=1059219775
>
>
>
>> Sometimes it does get somewhat
>> confusing. I have resentments, but nothing I want to drink over now.
>> Present holds my biggest fears and resentments. I am sure I have
>> past ones, just aren't things I dwell on now. I put them down anyway?
>> Gail
>>
>>
>
> "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. "
>
> I accepted that as being present tense, what I am, not what I was.
>
> Discovered though that many present actions can have a past
> motivator. Those past triggers remain/ed in the background, like
> subliminal music from an old tape that has not been completely
> erased. Perhaps that is why the word is "searching."
>
> Perhaps an important part of my experience I missed pointing out is
> that all of my recovery entailed the best I can do on the day, one
> day at a time. With the exception of step five, no point in delaying
> progress just because I "hoped" to do the step "better" over a week,
> month, year.
>
> Bob

Again thanks. I am thinking that I have to do it perfect and today..;) I
was told to take it a day a time and I completely ignored that. Thanks for
reminding be.
Gail

[Gail]

Bobby L. wrote:
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
>> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step
>> four would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says
>> to do it in the Big Book. I am on mine now.
>> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone
>> else. Do I tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can
>> trust the person I do my step five with?
>> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>>
>>
>> -- Gail
>>
>>
>
> Gail,
>
>
> As Robert said, One Step at a time.... For now, forget about step
> five. Focus on step four. Hell, it might be a while before you get
> to step five. I spent several weeks working on step four. The person
> who helped me through step four suggested I work on it no more than
> an hour or two a day; he also reminded me I probably did some good
> things too!

Thanks. That is where I am panicing, thinking I have to do it now and today.

>
> I found a quiet spot, had a long talk with my higher power and then
> would write. I was afraid someone would find my list, so I only
> wrote down enough for me to remember the incidents in question.

Are you reading my mind? ;)

>
> Don't worry about step five right now. Forget ALL the remaining
> steps for now. Remember Step three "to the Care of." Your higher
> power will take "care" of you, if you let it.

Thank you. I will.
>
> Bobby L

[Shawster]

"Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step four
> would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says to do it
in
> the Big Book. I am on mine now.
> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone else. Do I
> tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can trust the person I do
> my step five with?
> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)

do step four first.

remember this is an inventory, not a roast. Bring in a REGIS team, not Rich
Little.

"On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries."

column out your paper and go down and list every name that you can remember,
as you go along your memory may be jogged. *Then* go and add the cause of
your resentment, Finally add what it affects.

It is fairly simply laid out in the big book, but we try to make it harder
than it is. Go figure.

"If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."

Best wishes Gail

Shaw


>
>
> -- Gail
>
>
>

[Gail]

Shawster wrote:
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
>> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step
>> four would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says
>> to do it in the Big Book. I am on mine now.
>> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone
>> else. Do I tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can
>> trust the person I do my step five with?
>> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>
> do step four first.
>
> remember this is an inventory, not a roast. Bring in a REGIS team,
> not Rich Little.
>
> "On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries."
>
> column out your paper and go down and list every name that you can
> remember, as you go along your memory may be jogged. *Then* go and
> add the cause of your resentment, Finally add what it affects.
>
> It is fairly simply laid out in the big book, but we try to make it
> harder than it is. Go figure.
>
> "If we were to live, we had to be free of anger."
>
> Best wishes Gail
>
> Shaw
>
>
>>
>>
>> -- Gail

Thanks Shaw. Suggestion taken..;)

[rosie readandpost]

> >
> > is there mutual trust between the two of you?
>
> Don't know yet.
>
>

how can this person be your sponsor, without trust?
isn't there someone in your AA meetings,who has "what you want" that you also trust?

[Gail]

rosie readandpost wrote:
>>> is there mutual trust between the two of you?
>>
>> Don't know yet.
>>
>>
>
> how can this person be your sponsor, without trust?
> isn't there someone in your AA meetings,who has "what you want" that
> you also trust?

Having had just asked her to me my sponsor and seeing in her something I
want, I haven't had the long term yet. I am just doing what she has
suggested I do and like she said, I can do my fifth step with her or whoever
I choose. Sounds like she is a pretty good sponsor. Never had one of those
*good* ones before.

[Gail]

Jonathan Bratt wrote:
> In message <vi54t6g6e427b1@corp.supernews.com>, Gail
> <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> writes
>> Like Bobby said, I am afraid someone in my home might find or read
>> it. Not afraid to do my inventory at all.
>
> Fuck them - you matter not them.

Bobby did tell me that he wrote his to where he knew what he was talking
about and I don't think I have to go into detail until the time I choose to
do step five with someone. So long as I write down and know what each
person, place or thing is and what my fear or resentment is. I am the one
that is making it harder than it is.

[rosie readandpost]

>So long as I write down and know what each
> person, place or thing is and what my fear or resentment is.

NOTES work just fine!
i did the same thing.
writing NOVELS doesn't make it better!
:)




> I am the one
> that is making it harder than it is.
>
>

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that damn alcoholic thinking......................i get it too!

[Blue Moon]

On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 14:58:42 GMT, "rosie readandpost"
<readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:

>> > is there mutual trust between the two of you?
>>
>> Don't know yet.
>
>how can this person be your sponsor, without trust?

You think trust has to exist prior to having a sponsor?

>isn't there someone in your AA meetings,who has "what you want" that you also trust?

Some people I trust have little or nothing I actually want. And
vice-versa.

--
Blue Moon

[Blue Moon]

On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 14:12:10 GMT, "rosie readandpost"
<readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:

>i found the suggested FOURTH STEP guideline in the BB to be quite confusing, and used a different format, suggested by
>my sponsor instead.

Ah that would explain a lot. So you didn't actually work the AA
program at all? Or just bits of it that seemed convenient?

--
Blue Moon

[Robert McGregor]

"Blue Moon" <mfoco@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:7ffd821572948c4bd32799887964998d@free.teranew s.com...
> On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 14:12:10 GMT, "rosie readandpost"
> <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >i found the suggested FOURTH STEP guideline in the BB to be quite
confusing, and used a different format, suggested by
> >my sponsor instead.
>
> Ah that would explain a lot. So you didn't actually work the AA
> program at all? Or just bits of it that seemed convenient?
>

She talks of an easier way, but there is negligible evidence she took even
that, other than her denigration of both difficulty entailed in taking the
steps, (apart from her dreaded cement boot effect if not drugged while
taking them) and the concept of a lot of writing in step four.

They say compulsive liars need good memories, she may have one. When I tried
abbreviated notes, I forgot details the abbreviations were supposed to
cover.

Incidentally, at the time of my definitive inventory, I could barely think
of anything I did *not* resent. Big Book opinion of the steps classifies
fear at back of most everything anyway, so I replaced resentment with fear
as the foundation of my inventory.

Bob

[Blue Moon]

On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 05:13:11 -0500, "Gail"
<serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote:

> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step four
>would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says to do it in
>the Big Book. I am on mine now.
> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone else. Do I
>tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can trust the person I do
>my step five with?
>Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)

Hi Gail,

Okay, as others have suggested, try to quit worrying about Step 5.
That'll happen when you're ready, not when you pick up the pen. It's
a completely separate Step, with separate decisions you'll get to make
prior to taking the Step. If you allow Step 5 to dictate what you do
in Step 4, you'll make it unnecessarily harder to do, and the chances
are what you write will become dictated by fear (i.e. not "fearless
and thorough").

If it helps to remove Step 5 from your mind, just understand that from
the inventory you'll get insight into your "wrongs" or defects of
character, which is basically a list of character traits you'll then
be talking about in Step 5 - not simply showing someone else the Step
4 inventory. My sponsor told me simply to put my 4th away! When I
hear a 5th I've given the person the choice whether to refer to notes,
though you tend to find the same character traits come up, just in
different scenarios. That's why Step 5 is worded as it is ...
"Admitted ... the exact NATURE of our wrongs". That doesn't mean we
have to go into every sordid detail of stuff like "that time I jumped
the milkman whilst hubby was away". So it's really not such a big
deal as it may feel at this time, and simply because of fear 5 should
be kept entirely separate from 4, just as 9 should be kept separate
from 8.

I worked my 4th Step the way it's laid out in the Big Book. What's
not quite clear in the book is that, with the resentment inventory,
you write it in columns - lists.

Column 1: who/what
Column 2: why
Column 3: Affects my
Column 4 (hidden in the book): My part

Under column 1, list all the people, institutions, principles etc. you
have a resentment against. If in doubt, write it down. Leave a gap
of a few lines between each name, so you can fill in the other
columns.

Under column 2, list the reasons why the resentment arose. There's no
need to relive the resentment, just put bullet points. You don't need
to write any essays or impress anyone else. One good thing about the
inventory is that you can get to write down all the silly petty little
stuff that you'd never tell a therapist for fear she'd laugh or accuse
you of wasting time... that stuff can sometimes be more emotionally
charged than "big" stuff, simply because it's small and petty and so
"shouldn't be there". You can also put all the real "big" stuff a
therapist would look shocked at and judge you for.

Under column 3, list what it is about your life that the situation
affected... your pride, ambition, self-esteem, sex relations or money.

When all that's done, go to column 4. The trick here is to look at
things from a different angle. What words or deeds did you carry out
that caused, or may have caused, the resentment to arise? Here we
start to see how much more control we really do have over our own
lives, except for the fact we often can't even see it.

With a lot of childhood stuff, there may be little or no part of
yours. Doesn't hurt to have a look anyway - I got one or two insights
just by looking at childhood stuff I'd still had little or no control
over. Even then I did have some element of control over how I reacted
to a lot of stuff, mainly through low self-esteem... particularly when
those same reactions tend to plague me into adult life, it needs
looking at.

That's the resentment inventory. Then the book suggests 2 or 3 more -
a fear inventory (just a list of stuff I'm afraid of), a sex inventory
(it's curious how this links in with the resentments one!), and a list
of persons harmed (which gets expanded in Step 8).

If you do the inventory using another format, there's a chance you'll
not have the lists for the subsequent Steps. BTW some people decide
to burn the inventory as part of their Step 5, only to find they need
it later and so have to write it out again! I never burned mine, and
it's useful to refer back to at times just to see some of the progress
I made.

Any problems, just shout!

--
Blue Moon

[Bobby L.]

Ever done a fourth step Jonathan?


"Jonathan Bratt" <jonnybratt@aol.com> wrote in message
news:GL2eBQHBFuI$EwFs@aol.com...
> In message <vi54t6g6e427b1@corp.supernews.com>, Gail
> <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> writes
> >Like Bobby said, I am afraid someone in my home might find or read it.
> >Not afraid to do my inventory at all.
>
> Fuck them - you matter not them.
> --
> Jonathan Bratt

[rosie readandpost]

> You think trust has to exist prior to having a sponsor?


yes

[Blue Moon]

On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 21:19:23 -0500, "rosie readandpost"
<readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote:

>> You think trust has to exist prior to having a sponsor?
>
>yes

Then what's all the nonsense any newcomer in AA meetings gets about
"get a sponsor..."? There's no mention of TRUSTING that sponsor. You
think trust should be blind? Or should every newcomer be trusting
when they've just found out they can't even trust the one thing they
really DID believe in, which was alcohol.

I had one sponsor, and he relapsed. I didn't blindly trust him prior
to the relapse, but I was simply DOING what others in AA kept nagging
me to do. I got another sponsor, and I didn't trust him either until
that trust had been EARNED. Lack of trust didn't stop me from taking
suggestions, or from recovering, or from learning for the first time
in many years HOW to trust.

--
Blue Moon

[Jonathan Bratt]

In message <y3EUa.3459$jI6.1074@fe05.atl2.webusenet.com>, Bobby L.
<BobbyL2000nospam@bellsouth.net> writes
>Ever done a fourth step Jonathan?
>
>
>"Jonathan Bratt" <jonnybratt@aol.com> wrote in message
>news:GL2eBQHBFuI$EwFs@aol.com...
>> In message <vi54t6g6e427b1@corp.supernews.com>, Gail
>> <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> writes
>> >Like Bobby said, I am afraid someone in my home might find or read it.
>> >Not afraid to do my inventory at all.
>>
>> Fuck them - you matter not them.
>> --
>> Jonathan Bratt
>
>
>
I don't do the steps. However I am doing what I consider to be my own
version: taking a long, hard look at my attitudes and behaviours, and
making changes to them to become more the person I want to be. A
lifelong occupation I would guess.

Any helpful advice taken in spirit.
--
Jonathan Bratt

[rosie readandpost]

> I had one sponsor, and he relapsed. I didn't blindly trust him prior
> to the relapse, but I was simply DOING what others in AA kept nagging
> me to do.

you were nagged into making a premature choice?
i'm sorry that that happened to you.


> Lack of trust didn't stop me from taking
> suggestions, or from recovering, or from learning for the first time
> in many years HOW to trust.


being unable to trust was not an issue for me, and the oldtimers advised me to watch for and seek out someone "had what
i wanted", and until then, i was to ask for a temporary sponsor. i did!


>
> --
> Blue Moon

[Gail]

Blue Moon wrote:
> On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 05:13:11 -0500, "Gail"
> <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step
>> four would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says
>> to do it in the Big Book. I am on mine now.
>> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone else.
>> Do I tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can trust the
>> person I do my step five with?
>> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>
> Hi Gail,
>
> Okay, as others have suggested, try to quit worrying about Step 5.
> That'll happen when you're ready, not when you pick up the pen. It's
> a completely separate Step, with separate decisions you'll get to make
> prior to taking the Step. If you allow Step 5 to dictate what you do
> in Step 4, you'll make it unnecessarily harder to do, and the chances
> are what you write will become dictated by fear (i.e. not "fearless
> and thorough").
>
> If it helps to remove Step 5 from your mind, just understand that from
> the inventory you'll get insight into your "wrongs" or defects of
> character, which is basically a list of character traits you'll then
> be talking about in Step 5 - not simply showing someone else the Step
> 4 inventory. My sponsor told me simply to put my 4th away! When I
> hear a 5th I've given the person the choice whether to refer to notes,
> though you tend to find the same character traits come up, just in
> different scenarios. That's why Step 5 is worded as it is ...
> "Admitted ... the exact NATURE of our wrongs". That doesn't mean we
> have to go into every sordid detail of stuff like "that time I jumped
> the milkman whilst hubby was away". So it's really not such a big
> deal as it may feel at this time, and simply because of fear 5 should
> be kept entirely separate from 4, just as 9 should be kept separate
> from 8.
>
> I worked my 4th Step the way it's laid out in the Big Book. What's
> not quite clear in the book is that, with the resentment inventory,
> you write it in columns - lists.
>
> Column 1: who/what
> Column 2: why
> Column 3: Affects my
> Column 4 (hidden in the book): My part
>
> Under column 1, list all the people, institutions, principles etc. you
> have a resentment against. If in doubt, write it down. Leave a gap
> of a few lines between each name, so you can fill in the other
> columns.
>
> Under column 2, list the reasons why the resentment arose. There's no
> need to relive the resentment, just put bullet points. You don't need
> to write any essays or impress anyone else. One good thing about the
> inventory is that you can get to write down all the silly petty little
> stuff that you'd never tell a therapist for fear she'd laugh or accuse
> you of wasting time... that stuff can sometimes be more emotionally
> charged than "big" stuff, simply because it's small and petty and so
> "shouldn't be there". You can also put all the real "big" stuff a
> therapist would look shocked at and judge you for.
>
> Under column 3, list what it is about your life that the situation
> affected... your pride, ambition, self-esteem, sex relations or money.
>
> When all that's done, go to column 4. The trick here is to look at
> things from a different angle. What words or deeds did you carry out
> that caused, or may have caused, the resentment to arise? Here we
> start to see how much more control we really do have over our own
> lives, except for the fact we often can't even see it.
>
> With a lot of childhood stuff, there may be little or no part of
> yours. Doesn't hurt to have a look anyway - I got one or two insights
> just by looking at childhood stuff I'd still had little or no control
> over. Even then I did have some element of control over how I reacted
> to a lot of stuff, mainly through low self-esteem... particularly when
> those same reactions tend to plague me into adult life, it needs
> looking at.
>
> That's the resentment inventory. Then the book suggests 2 or 3 more -
> a fear inventory (just a list of stuff I'm afraid of), a sex inventory
> (it's curious how this links in with the resentments one!), and a list
> of persons harmed (which gets expanded in Step 8).
>
> If you do the inventory using another format, there's a chance you'll
> not have the lists for the subsequent Steps. BTW some people decide
> to burn the inventory as part of their Step 5, only to find they need
> it later and so have to write it out again! I never burned mine, and
> it's useful to refer back to at times just to see some of the progress
> I made.
>
> Any problems, just shout!

Thanks Blue. You guys are appreciated.
Best,
Gail

[Bobby L.]

Jonathan Bratt" <jonnybratt@aol.com> wrote in message
news:fhg4rJMaq2I$Ewkk@aol.com...
> In message <y3EUa.3459$jI6.1074@fe05.atl2.webusenet.com>, Bobby L.
> <BobbyL2000nospam@bellsouth.net> writes
> >Ever done a fourth step Jonathan?
> >
> >
> >"Jonathan Bratt" <jonnybratt@aol.com> wrote in message
> >news:GL2eBQHBFuI$EwFs@aol.com...
> >> In message <vi54t6g6e427b1@corp.supernews.com>, Gail
> >> <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> writes
> >> >Like Bobby said, I am afraid someone in my home might find or read it.
> >> >Not afraid to do my inventory at all.
> >>
> >> Fuck them - you matter not them.
> >> --
> >> Jonathan Bratt


Right ... That's the point...you are giving advice about something with
which you have no experience. Isn't that like someone giving advice on how
to pack a parachute although they have never taken a skydive? Gail did not
ask for advice on what to think or how to feel about this -- she asked for
advice on how to DO IT.

I have to guess you either live alone or the folks in your house avoid you
like the plague with that attitude toward the people close to you. I hope
you are having a nice roller coaster ride.

Bobby L

[Bobby L.]

Sometimes the problem with having many years in this program is that we
forget what it was like to have only many days.

Bobby L



"rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:qFPUa.53744$6a3.995676@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
>
> > I had one sponsor, and he relapsed. I didn't blindly trust him prior
> > to the relapse, but I was simply DOING what others in AA kept nagging
> > me to do.
>
> you were nagged into making a premature choice?
> i'm sorry that that happened to you.
>
>
> > Lack of trust didn't stop me from taking
> > suggestions, or from recovering, or from learning for the first time
> > in many years HOW to trust.
>
>
> being unable to trust was not an issue for me, and the oldtimers advised
me to watch for and seek out someone "had what
> i wanted", and until then, i was to ask for a temporary sponsor. i did!
>
>
> >
> > --
> > Blue Moon
>
>

[Mias]

Hi Gail
Best wishes with them. In my mind they are the most important steps for
attaining serenity. I made sure that my list included the items that haunted
me at night with cold sweats.
Let me give you an example of why it must be thorough. Say I had committed
an 'unforgivable' sin and obviously hide this fact from all other people.
Whenever I am in a relationship, a small voice will keep telling me that
yes, the other party 'say' that they like me but they would run a thousand
miles if they found out about the sin. In this way I could never accept
Love, Friendship etc. until there has been a successful process of removal,
forgiveness... The effect after step five was a miracle to me. My head
picked up from a slouch and the weight on my shoulders was lighter. My
shyness and 'poor me' attitude vanished to a large extent. It was a miracle
and therefore I can testify that it is one of the greatest things to do if
done well. It is a bit like stepping over a cliff in the dark, as far as the
trust goes, but rest assured that nothing that I have ever shared has ever
backfired as long as I prayed before sharing and as long as my motive for
sharing was true.
If something is worth doing it is worth doing well, especially hold true for
these steps. I will go so far as to suggest that if one does not do them
well one is forever in bondage to guilt, resentment, fear, people and
lastly, booze. The worst bondage, I found, was loneliness. That was until I
did these steps. It is a long walk to freedom but you have lots of people
sharing this road with you.
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
Kind regards
Mias
14 years clean and sober and enjoying every second of it!
"Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step four
> would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says to do it
in
> the Big Book. I am on mine now.
> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone else. Do I
> tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can trust the person I do
> my step five with?
> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>
>
> -- Gail
>
>

[Gail]

Thank you Mias. :)

Mias wrote:
> Hi Gail
> Best wishes with them. In my mind they are the most important steps
> for attaining serenity. I made sure that my list included the items
> that haunted me at night with cold sweats.
> Let me give you an example of why it must be thorough. Say I had
> committed an 'unforgivable' sin and obviously hide this fact from all
> other people. Whenever I am in a relationship, a small voice will
> keep telling me that yes, the other party 'say' that they like me but
> they would run a thousand miles if they found out about the sin. In
> this way I could never accept Love, Friendship etc. until there has
> been a successful process of removal, forgiveness... The effect after
> step five was a miracle to me. My head picked up from a slouch and
> the weight on my shoulders was lighter. My shyness and 'poor me'
> attitude vanished to a large extent. It was a miracle and therefore I
> can testify that it is one of the greatest things to do if done well.
> It is a bit like stepping over a cliff in the dark, as far as the
> trust goes, but rest assured that nothing that I have ever shared has
> ever backfired as long as I prayed before sharing and as long as my
> motive for sharing was true.
> If something is worth doing it is worth doing well, especially hold
> true for these steps. I will go so far as to suggest that if one does
> not do them well one is forever in bondage to guilt, resentment,
> fear, people and lastly, booze. The worst bondage, I found, was
> loneliness. That was until I did these steps. It is a long walk to
> freedom but you have lots of people sharing this road with you.
> Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
> Kind regards
> Mias
> 14 years clean and sober and enjoying every second of it!
> "Gail" <serenity6850_2000@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:vi4l1l5eosnb2@corp.supernews.com...
>> Hi guys and gals. I was hoping that those of you who have done step
>> four would share with me how you did it. I know what and how it says
>> to do it in the Big Book. I am on mine now.
>> Biggest fear is telling those fears and resentments to someone
>> else. Do I tell anything I don't want told? How do I know I can
>> trust the person I do my step five with?
>> Any suggestions from those who have done step four and five? :)
>>
>>
>> -- Gail