Advice on new relationship

[Anita Palley]

Dear all,

I hope no one minds me dropping in for some advice not about my own
drinking, but about someone I've gotten close to. I've been dating a
guy for just a couple of months. As I've gotten to know him better and
spent more time with him it's become increasingly apparent that he
drinks a lot. He's stayed with me for a couple of weekends now, and
I've given him free access to the drinks cabinet. I would say that he
can get through half a bottle of vodka a day quite easily, perhaps a
little more.

He's actually one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He works with
kids with learning difficulties, so he's a professional care-giver,
and he's the sort of person who takes on the burdens of everyone he
meets.

His drinking bothers me, but in fact it doesn't seem to be affecting
his life. He does his job well, which is a pretty responsible one, and
as far as I know doesn't touch a drop before or during work (I've met
him for lunch during the working day and when it came to choosing a
drink he was quite clear that alcohol was not an option). When we're
together and he is drinking his behaviour is not adversely affected.
He's a slightly anxious person, and he loses that, and he gets more
affectionate, but really those are just consequences of anyone having
a couple of drinks.

I do know that he has some stomach problems which may or may not be
related to alcohol, and he doesn't eat enough food in my opinion.

We've never spoken directly about his drinking. He has once said
jokily that some of his friends think he's an alcoholic, and I
commented that he did seem to put a lot away, but I've not said that
it bothers me.

So I guess I'm wondering whether, given his fully-functional life, I'm
just getting this all out of proportion. Half a bottle a day seems an
awful lot to me, but maybe some people can just handle that?

The fact is that it does bother me, because I care for him, and I
don't want him to damage himself. So far I've just 'played it cool'
because I don't want him to start hiding from me what he's drinking or
to feel that I'm judging him for it. But I wonder what is the best
thing to do.

I know a lot of people might say I should be walking away before I get
too involved, and if I could see that his drinking was damaging his
life and interfering with any chance of us building a relationship
then I would, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and to be honest
he is an incredibly good person and I don't meet many of those.

Anyway, I hope you'll forgive the long post, and I would be very
grateful for any advice from those with far more experience of these
issues than I have.

[Scott W.]

In article <5c37a978.0502080358.496d43be@posting.google.com>,
dpydotsmw@hotmail.com says...
> Dear all,
>
> I hope no one minds me dropping in for some advice not about my own
> drinking, but about someone I've gotten close to. I've been dating a
> guy for just a couple of months. As I've gotten to know him better and
> spent more time with him it's become increasingly apparent that he
> drinks a lot. He's stayed with me for a couple of weekends now, and
> I've given him free access to the drinks cabinet. I would say that he
> can get through half a bottle of vodka a day quite easily, perhaps a
> little more.
>
> He's actually one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He works with
> kids with learning difficulties, so he's a professional care-giver,
> and he's the sort of person who takes on the burdens of everyone he
> meets.
>
> His drinking bothers me, but in fact it doesn't seem to be affecting
> his life. He does his job well, which is a pretty responsible one, and
> as far as I know doesn't touch a drop before or during work (I've met
> him for lunch during the working day and when it came to choosing a
> drink he was quite clear that alcohol was not an option). When we're
> together and he is drinking his behaviour is not adversely affected.
> He's a slightly anxious person, and he loses that, and he gets more
> affectionate, but really those are just consequences of anyone having
> a couple of drinks.
>
> I do know that he has some stomach problems which may or may not be
> related to alcohol, and he doesn't eat enough food in my opinion.
>
> We've never spoken directly about his drinking. He has once said
> jokily that some of his friends think he's an alcoholic, and I
> commented that he did seem to put a lot away, but I've not said that
> it bothers me.
>
> So I guess I'm wondering whether, given his fully-functional life, I'm
> just getting this all out of proportion. Half a bottle a day seems an
> awful lot to me, but maybe some people can just handle that?
>
> The fact is that it does bother me, because I care for him, and I
> don't want him to damage himself. So far I've just 'played it cool'
> because I don't want him to start hiding from me what he's drinking or
> to feel that I'm judging him for it. But I wonder what is the best
> thing to do.
>
> I know a lot of people might say I should be walking away before I get
> too involved, and if I could see that his drinking was damaging his
> life and interfering with any chance of us building a relationship
> then I would, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and to be honest
> he is an incredibly good person and I don't meet many of those.
>
> Anyway, I hope you'll forgive the long post, and I would be very
> grateful for any advice from those with far more experience of these
> issues than I have.
>
Sounds like he's an alchy. Better provide him with
plenty of booze or he'll leave you.
--

"Kennedy's Can't Fly."

[rosie readandpost]

http://www.al-anon.org




"Anita Palley" <dpydotsmw@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:5c37a978.0502080358.496d43be@posting.google.c om...
: Dear all,
:
: I hope no one minds me dropping in for some advice not about my
own
: drinking, but about someone I've gotten close to. I've been dating
a
: guy for just a couple of months. As I've gotten to know him better
and
: spent more time with him it's become increasingly apparent that he
: drinks a lot. He's stayed with me for a couple of weekends now,
and
: I've given him free access to the drinks cabinet. I would say that
he
: can get through half a bottle of vodka a day quite easily, perhaps
a
: little more.
:
: He's actually one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He works
with
: kids with learning difficulties, so he's a professional
care-giver,
: and he's the sort of person who takes on the burdens of everyone
he
: meets.
:
: His drinking bothers me, but in fact it doesn't seem to be
affecting
: his life. He does his job well, which is a pretty responsible one,
and
: as far as I know doesn't touch a drop before or during work (I've
met
: him for lunch during the working day and when it came to choosing
a
: drink he was quite clear that alcohol was not an option). When
we're
: together and he is drinking his behaviour is not adversely
affected.
: He's a slightly anxious person, and he loses that, and he gets
more
: affectionate, but really those are just consequences of anyone
having
: a couple of drinks.
:
: I do know that he has some stomach problems which may or may not
be
: related to alcohol, and he doesn't eat enough food in my opinion.
:
: We've never spoken directly about his drinking. He has once said
: jokily that some of his friends think he's an alcoholic, and I
: commented that he did seem to put a lot away, but I've not said
that
: it bothers me.
:
: So I guess I'm wondering whether, given his fully-functional life,
I'm
: just getting this all out of proportion. Half a bottle a day seems
an
: awful lot to me, but maybe some people can just handle that?
:
: The fact is that it does bother me, because I care for him, and I
: don't want him to damage himself. So far I've just 'played it
cool'
: because I don't want him to start hiding from me what he's
drinking or
: to feel that I'm judging him for it. But I wonder what is the best
: thing to do.
:
: I know a lot of people might say I should be walking away before I
get
: too involved, and if I could see that his drinking was damaging
his
: life and interfering with any chance of us building a relationship
: then I would, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and to be
honest
: he is an incredibly good person and I don't meet many of those.
:
: Anyway, I hope you'll forgive the long post, and I would be very
: grateful for any advice from those with far more experience of
these
: issues than I have.

[kaibo]

Anita,

I felt the need to reply as I too am in a new relationship with a wonderful
person. Unfortunately, it's not their drinking that I am concerned
about...it's my own. I figured it might be helpful to get a glimpse from the
other side.

Mine may not be the best opinion, as I am not in AA. I've been lurking
around the NG, trying to gain some insight on the matter. Anyway, I am quite
like the person you were discussing. I have a respectable job with many
responsibilities and I (usually) won't drink a drop before or during work
hours. But, I do drink from the moment I get home until bedtime. I drink
because I am anxious and it helps to calm me down. And, of course, I just
plain like to drink.

Still, I am very active in the relationship and respect the person I am
dating. I have tried to cut back on the amount I drink around them and am
looking into trying to stop. Hence why I am checking out this NG.

Anyway, I don't know exactly where I was going with this, but it may be an
idea to get a good perspective on things by taking the advice of others in
this group and then possibly consider just talking to him about it, if that
is an option.

I disagree with the comment made about needing to keep him rolling in
bottles (I'm assuming that was just a joke though). Personally, I know that
I have never considered quitting for anyone in the past, yet here I am...and
not because anyone has pushed me or threatened to leave...just because the
relationship seems worth it to me and it's time I try to straighten my life
out. No one should stay in a relationship where there are issues that they
feel cannot be handled. It's important that both people take responsibility
for their actions and do what they need to work things out.

Sorry so long,
HTH

Kai

[nobody, doesn't matter]

I wonder how it is possible to drink half a litter of liquor every day and
not being problems at work the next day.
How about hangover or headache? How he can be concentrated in his work?
Even he doesn´t have a drop during work, sure their work mate should note
his alcohol smell, or note his rings under his eyes, due to the bad sleeping
the night before.
Anxious problems should be a symptom of his alcoholism. He need to have a
drink to reduce his anxiety. It is a problem similar than the somoker people
have. If you don´t cut off that, the problem will be more important soon.Now
is half a bottle. Soon will be a full bottle. Furthermore, his liver (and
stomach, as you supose), will soon show signs of disesase.

I have sometimes experienced some similar problem. I spend severals days
(sometimes weeks) drinking too much after work (never during the working
time) until I firmly decide not to drink anymore. Unfortunately this
"firmly" decision lasts for 2 or 3 months only. But my liver and my
transaminases appreciate this very much.
The days that I don´t drink the night before I work much more better, and
I seem myself more active and encouraged than the days I drunk, that I feel
depressed and exhaust. Sure my mate works note that.

Speak to your friend, and try to convince him not to have a drink after the
work but to have any other activity (reading, chating, go to walk, ...).
Convince him to take the "firmly" decision of not to drink anymore.

..



"Anita Palley" <dpydotsmw@hotmail.com> escribió en el mensaje
news:5c37a978.0502080358.496d43be@posting.google.c om...
> Dear all,
>
> I hope no one minds me dropping in for some advice not about my own
> drinking, but about someone I've gotten close to. I've been dating a
> guy for just a couple of months. As I've gotten to know him better and
> spent more time with him it's become increasingly apparent that he
> drinks a lot. He's stayed with me for a couple of weekends now, and
> I've given him free access to the drinks cabinet. I would say that he
> can get through half a bottle of vodka a day quite easily, perhaps a
> little more.
>
> He's actually one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He works with
> kids with learning difficulties, so he's a professional care-giver,
> and he's the sort of person who takes on the burdens of everyone he
> meets.
>
> His drinking bothers me, but in fact it doesn't seem to be affecting
> his life. He does his job well, which is a pretty responsible one, and
> as far as I know doesn't touch a drop before or during work (I've met
> him for lunch during the working day and when it came to choosing a
> drink he was quite clear that alcohol was not an option). When we're
> together and he is drinking his behaviour is not adversely affected.
> He's a slightly anxious person, and he loses that, and he gets more
> affectionate, but really those are just consequences of anyone having
> a couple of drinks.
>
> I do know that he has some stomach problems which may or may not be
> related to alcohol, and he doesn't eat enough food in my opinion.
>
> We've never spoken directly about his drinking. He has once said
> jokily that some of his friends think he's an alcoholic, and I
> commented that he did seem to put a lot away, but I've not said that
> it bothers me.
>
> So I guess I'm wondering whether, given his fully-functional life, I'm
> just getting this all out of proportion. Half a bottle a day seems an
> awful lot to me, but maybe some people can just handle that?
>
> The fact is that it does bother me, because I care for him, and I
> don't want him to damage himself. So far I've just 'played it cool'
> because I don't want him to start hiding from me what he's drinking or
> to feel that I'm judging him for it. But I wonder what is the best
> thing to do.
>
> I know a lot of people might say I should be walking away before I get
> too involved, and if I could see that his drinking was damaging his
> life and interfering with any chance of us building a relationship
> then I would, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and to be honest
> he is an incredibly good person and I don't meet many of those.
>
> Anyway, I hope you'll forgive the long post, and I would be very
> grateful for any advice from those with far more experience of these
> issues than I have.

[Scott W.]

In article <cub4cg$mpa$1@nsnmrro2-gest.nuria.telefonica-data.net>,
nobody@nobody.net says...
> I wonder how it is possible to drink half a litter of liquor every day and
> not being problems at work the next day.
> How about hangover or headache? How he can be concentrated in his work?
> Even he doesn´t have a drop during work, sure their work mate should note
> his alcohol smell, or note his rings under his eyes, due to the bad sleeping
> the night before.

A half liter is only about a pint of hard liquor. That isn't
very much for a heavy drinker. 8 hours after a pint of
vodka and some sleep, I'm fully recovered the next morning.
Maybe some upset stomach, but that's about it. Hardcore
drinkers will easily drink a half of a half gallon or
a half gallon a day and many of them are fully functional.
A pint of vodka every single day will eventually fry the
liver, tho.


--

"Kennedy's Can't Fly."

[Scott W.]

In article <cub4cg$mpa$1@nsnmrro2-gest.nuria.telefonica-data.net>,
nobody@nobody.net says...

> that I feel
> depressed and exhaust.

That's a good way to describe it. After a few weeks
of not drinking, I tend to forget about the "depressed
and exhausted".


"Kennedy's Can't Fly."

[Bobby L]

"Anita Palley" <dpydotsmw@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:5c37a978.0502080358.496d43be@posting.google.c om...
> Dear all,
>
> I hope no one minds me dropping in for some advice not about my own
> drinking, but about someone I've gotten close to. I've been dating a
> guy for just a couple of months. As I've gotten to know him better and
> spent more time with him it's become increasingly apparent that he
> drinks a lot. He's stayed with me for a couple of weekends now, and
> I've given him free access to the drinks cabinet. I would say that he
> can get through half a bottle of vodka a day quite easily, perhaps a
> little more.
>
> He's actually one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He works with
> kids with learning difficulties, so he's a professional care-giver,
> and he's the sort of person who takes on the burdens of everyone he
> meets.
>
> His drinking bothers me, but in fact it doesn't seem to be affecting
> his life. He does his job well, which is a pretty responsible one, and
> as far as I know doesn't touch a drop before or during work (I've met
> him for lunch during the working day and when it came to choosing a
> drink he was quite clear that alcohol was not an option). When we're
> together and he is drinking his behaviour is not adversely affected.
> He's a slightly anxious person, and he loses that, and he gets more
> affectionate, but really those are just consequences of anyone having
> a couple of drinks.
>
> I do know that he has some stomach problems which may or may not be
> related to alcohol, and he doesn't eat enough food in my opinion.
>
> We've never spoken directly about his drinking. He has once said
> jokily that some of his friends think he's an alcoholic, and I
> commented that he did seem to put a lot away, but I've not said that
> it bothers me.
>
> So I guess I'm wondering whether, given his fully-functional life, I'm
> just getting this all out of proportion. Half a bottle a day seems an
> awful lot to me, but maybe some people can just handle that?
>
> The fact is that it does bother me, because I care for him, and I
> don't want him to damage himself. So far I've just 'played it cool'
> because I don't want him to start hiding from me what he's drinking or
> to feel that I'm judging him for it. But I wonder what is the best
> thing to do.
>
> I know a lot of people might say I should be walking away before I get
> too involved, and if I could see that his drinking was damaging his
> life and interfering with any chance of us building a relationship
> then I would, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and to be honest
> he is an incredibly good person and I don't meet many of those.
>
> Anyway, I hope you'll forgive the long post, and I would be very
> grateful for any advice from those with far more experience of these
> issues than I have.



Anita,

Reread what you've written and then tell us how you would advise someone who
came to you with this problem.

Bobby L

[Gregg]

Bobby L wrote:
> "Anita Palley" <dpydotsmw@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:5c37a978.0502080358.496d43be@posting.google.c om...
>
>>Dear all,
>>
>>I hope no one minds me dropping in for some advice not about my own
>>drinking, but about someone I've gotten close to. I've been dating a
>>guy for just a couple of months. As I've gotten to know him better and
>>spent more time with him it's become increasingly apparent that he
>>drinks a lot. He's stayed with me for a couple of weekends now, and
>>I've given him free access to the drinks cabinet. I would say that he
>>can get through half a bottle of vodka a day quite easily, perhaps a
>>little more.
>>
>>He's actually one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He works with
>>kids with learning difficulties, so he's a professional care-giver,
>>and he's the sort of person who takes on the burdens of everyone he
>>meets.
>>
>>His drinking bothers me, but in fact it doesn't seem to be affecting
>>his life. He does his job well, which is a pretty responsible one, and
>>as far as I know doesn't touch a drop before or during work (I've met
>>him for lunch during the working day and when it came to choosing a
>>drink he was quite clear that alcohol was not an option). When we're
>>together and he is drinking his behaviour is not adversely affected.
>>He's a slightly anxious person, and he loses that, and he gets more
>>affectionate, but really those are just consequences of anyone having
>>a couple of drinks.
>>
>>I do know that he has some stomach problems which may or may not be
>>related to alcohol, and he doesn't eat enough food in my opinion.
>>
>>We've never spoken directly about his drinking. He has once said
>>jokily that some of his friends think he's an alcoholic, and I
>>commented that he did seem to put a lot away, but I've not said that
>>it bothers me.
>>
>>So I guess I'm wondering whether, given his fully-functional life, I'm
>>just getting this all out of proportion. Half a bottle a day seems an
>>awful lot to me, but maybe some people can just handle that?
>>
>>The fact is that it does bother me, because I care for him, and I
>>don't want him to damage himself. So far I've just 'played it cool'
>>because I don't want him to start hiding from me what he's drinking or
>>to feel that I'm judging him for it. But I wonder what is the best
>>thing to do.
>>
>>I know a lot of people might say I should be walking away before I get
>>too involved, and if I could see that his drinking was damaging his
>>life and interfering with any chance of us building a relationship
>>then I would, but that doesn't seem to be the case, and to be honest
>>he is an incredibly good person and I don't meet many of those.
>>
>>Anyway, I hope you'll forgive the long post, and I would be very
>>grateful for any advice from those with far more experience of these
>>issues than I have.
>
>
>
>
> Anita,
>
> Reread what you've written and then tell us how you would advise someone who
> came to you with this problem.
>
> Bobby L
>
>
>
>
Good advice.

[stuart]

"kaibo" <noreply@^nospam^aol.com> wrote in message
news:mV5Od.30$l_.15@bignews1.bellsouth.net...
> Anita,
>
> I felt the need to reply as I too am in a new relationship with a
> wonderful
> person. Unfortunately, it's not their drinking that I am concerned
> about...it's my own. I figured it might be helpful to get a glimpse from
> the
> other side.
>
> Mine may not be the best opinion, as I am not in AA. I've been lurking
> around the NG, trying to gain some insight on the matter. Anyway, I am
> quite
> like the person you were discussing. I have a respectable job with many
> responsibilities and I (usually) won't drink a drop before or during work
> hours. But, I do drink from the moment I get home until bedtime. I drink
> because I am anxious and it helps to calm me down. And, of course, I just
> plain like to drink.
>
> Still, I am very active in the relationship and respect the person I am
> dating. I have tried to cut back on the amount I drink around them and am
> looking into trying to stop. Hence why I am checking out this NG.
>
> Anyway, I don't know exactly where I was going with this, but it may be an
> idea to get a good perspective on things by taking the advice of others in
> this group and then possibly consider just talking to him about it, if
> that
> is an option.
>
> I disagree with the comment made about needing to keep him rolling in
> bottles (I'm assuming that was just a joke though). Personally, I know
> that
> I have never considered quitting for anyone in the past, yet here I
> am...and
> not because anyone has pushed me or threatened to leave...just because the
> relationship seems worth it to me and it's time I try to straighten my
> life
> out. No one should stay in a relationship where there are issues that they
> feel cannot be handled. It's important that both people take
> responsibility
> for their actions and do what they need to work things out.
>
> Sorry so long,
> HTH
>
> Kai

Don't let anyone here tell you that you are alcoholic. Only you can
determine that. If you look at the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" it describes
a certain type of heavy drinker who, given sufficient reason, can moderate
or quit entirely. They are not alcoholic. OTH, the Twelve and Twelve of AA
also describes "high bottom" alcoholics who still have a family, a job and
two cars in the garage.
If can't stay quit, or moderated, whichever the case may be with you, you
may be alcoholic. If you can stay moderated or quit on your own, you are
probably not.
Hope this helps

Stuart

[RK Dian]

On Wed, 09 Feb 2005 19:25:14 GMT, "stuart" <ggo@feds.org> wrote:

>
>"kaibo" <noreply@^nospam^aol.com> wrote in message
>news:mV5Od.30$l_.15@bignews1.bellsouth.net...
>> Anita,
>>
>> I felt the need to reply as I too am in a new relationship with a
>> wonderful
>> person. Unfortunately, it's not their drinking that I am concerned
>> about...it's my own. I figured it might be helpful to get a glimpse from
>> the
>> other side.
>>
>> Mine may not be the best opinion, as I am not in AA. I've been lurking
>> around the NG, trying to gain some insight on the matter. Anyway, I am
>> quite
>> like the person you were discussing. I have a respectable job with many
>> responsibilities and I (usually) won't drink a drop before or during work
>> hours. But, I do drink from the moment I get home until bedtime. I drink
>> because I am anxious and it helps to calm me down. And, of course, I just
>> plain like to drink.
>>
>> Still, I am very active in the relationship and respect the person I am
>> dating. I have tried to cut back on the amount I drink around them and am
>> looking into trying to stop. Hence why I am checking out this NG.
>>
>> Anyway, I don't know exactly where I was going with this, but it may be an
>> idea to get a good perspective on things by taking the advice of others in
>> this group and then possibly consider just talking to him about it, if
>> that
>> is an option.
>>
>> I disagree with the comment made about needing to keep him rolling in
>> bottles (I'm assuming that was just a joke though). Personally, I know
>> that
>> I have never considered quitting for anyone in the past, yet here I
>> am...and
>> not because anyone has pushed me or threatened to leave...just because the
>> relationship seems worth it to me and it's time I try to straighten my
>> life
>> out. No one should stay in a relationship where there are issues that they
>> feel cannot be handled. It's important that both people take
>> responsibility
>> for their actions and do what they need to work things out.
>>
>> Sorry so long,
>> HTH
>>
>> Kai
>
>Don't let anyone here tell you that you are alcoholic. Only you can
>determine that. If you look at the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" it describes
>a certain type of heavy drinker who, given sufficient reason, can moderate
>or quit entirely. They are not alcoholic. OTH, the Twelve and Twelve of AA
>also describes "high bottom" alcoholics who still have a family, a job and
>two cars in the garage.
>If can't stay quit, or moderated, whichever the case may be with you, you
>may be alcoholic. If you can stay moderated or quit on your own, you are
>probably not.
>Hope this helps
>
>Stuart
>

You don't have to be an alcoholic to be a member of AA.
I have found that the first step is out of reach for those who are
not alcoholic.

[stuart]

"RK Dian" <rkdian@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:hauk01diene8afdmq15s4spa0u8s67vh4a@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 09 Feb 2005 19:25:14 GMT, "stuart" <ggo@feds.org> wrote:
>
>>
>>"kaibo" <noreply@^nospam^aol.com> wrote in message
>>news:mV5Od.30$l_.15@bignews1.bellsouth.net...
>>> Anita,
>>>
>>> I felt the need to reply as I too am in a new relationship with a
>>> wonderful
>>> person. Unfortunately, it's not their drinking that I am concerned
>>> about...it's my own. I figured it might be helpful to get a glimpse from
>>> the
>>> other side.
>>>
>>> Mine may not be the best opinion, as I am not in AA. I've been lurking
>>> around the NG, trying to gain some insight on the matter. Anyway, I am
>>> quite
>>> like the person you were discussing. I have a respectable job with many
>>> responsibilities and I (usually) won't drink a drop before or during
>>> work
>>> hours. But, I do drink from the moment I get home until bedtime. I drink
>>> because I am anxious and it helps to calm me down. And, of course, I
>>> just
>>> plain like to drink.
>>>
>>> Still, I am very active in the relationship and respect the person I am
>>> dating. I have tried to cut back on the amount I drink around them and
>>> am
>>> looking into trying to stop. Hence why I am checking out this NG.
>>>
>>> Anyway, I don't know exactly where I was going with this, but it may be
>>> an
>>> idea to get a good perspective on things by taking the advice of others
>>> in
>>> this group and then possibly consider just talking to him about it, if
>>> that
>>> is an option.
>>>
>>> I disagree with the comment made about needing to keep him rolling in
>>> bottles (I'm assuming that was just a joke though). Personally, I know
>>> that
>>> I have never considered quitting for anyone in the past, yet here I
>>> am...and
>>> not because anyone has pushed me or threatened to leave...just because
>>> the
>>> relationship seems worth it to me and it's time I try to straighten my
>>> life
>>> out. No one should stay in a relationship where there are issues that
>>> they
>>> feel cannot be handled. It's important that both people take
>>> responsibility
>>> for their actions and do what they need to work things out.
>>>
>>> Sorry so long,
>>> HTH
>>>
>>> Kai
>>
>>Don't let anyone here tell you that you are alcoholic. Only you can
>>determine that. If you look at the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" it
>>describes
>>a certain type of heavy drinker who, given sufficient reason, can moderate
>>or quit entirely. They are not alcoholic. OTH, the Twelve and Twelve of AA
>>also describes "high bottom" alcoholics who still have a family, a job and
>>two cars in the garage.
>>If can't stay quit, or moderated, whichever the case may be with you, you
>>may be alcoholic. If you can stay moderated or quit on your own, you are
>>probably not.
>>Hope this helps
>>
>>Stuart
>>
>
> You don't have to be an alcoholic to be a member of AA.
> I have found that the first step is out of reach for those who are
> not alcoholic.

What they will tell you in the traditions is "The only requirement for AA
membership is a desire to quit drinking". Some groups have a statement of
purpose in their pre-amble something to the effect that discussions be
confined to those problems which relate to alcohol. Yes, a non-alcoholic
will have difficulty applying step one to themselves.