neuro equipoise
07-18-2004, 08:06 AM
Excerpt:
"Randall... was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of
his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and
sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He
wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.
Randall is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using
his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Randall
did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went
into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went
into his mind, he lost the connection that he so desperately desired.
The reason Randall went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted the
joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than
that - control over that connection. Randall's ego wounded self believed
that he could control the connection with Spirit with his intellect - if
only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing
Randall wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit,
is to surrender his thinking. Randall was deeply addicted to thinking as
a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of
controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and
helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.
Many us of are addicted to thinking. We believe if we can just figure
things out we can control others and the outcome of things. We want to
control how people feel about us and treat us by saying just the right
thing - so we have to think about it over and over to discover the right
thing to say. This is called "ruminating." Ruminating is obsessively
thinking about something over and over in the hopes of finally coming up
with the "right" answer, the right thing to say, the right way to be to
have control over others and the outcome of things. Ruminating is also a
way to have control over our own painful feelings, which is what
addictions are all about.
In my work with Randall, he would immediately go into his head and
analyze what was happening in the session the minute feelings came up.
Over and over I would bring him out of his head and into his body, into
his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that he could only
stay with his feelings for a few moments before he was back into his
head - explaining, figuring out, intellectualizing.
He was so terrified of the soul loneliness and aloneness he felt that he
had learned to avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Randall was
willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been there since
childhood, he couldn't stay out of his head. As long as his intent was
to control his pain rather than learn from it, he would not be able to
move into the spiritual connection he so desired.
The purpose of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, especially the
deep soul loneliness that we all feel in this society. The problem is
that our disconnection from our feelings - which is our Inner Child -
creates aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left
alone inside with no one to attend to the painful feelings. It is only
when our desire is to learn about how we may be causing our own painful
feelings that we open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also
opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we cannot feel when
our intent is to avoid pain with our various addictions.
It took Randall many months to be willing to feel his painful feelings,
but he discovered that when he finally had the courage to feel them, it
was not as bad as he thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning
his Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no longer felt
alone within.
Connecting with himself allowed him to connect with Spirit more and more
of the time. Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to
control it, he was getting there by being present in the moment with his
inner experience - surrendering to the moment. Randall found that while
he could not control others and the outcome of things, he actually did
have control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn rather
than protecting against pain. While he couldn't control Spirit, he did
have control his own intent, which eventually led to his being able to
connect with Spirit"
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=479
"Randall... was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of
his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and
sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He
wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.
Randall is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using
his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Randall
did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went
into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went
into his mind, he lost the connection that he so desperately desired.
The reason Randall went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted the
joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than
that - control over that connection. Randall's ego wounded self believed
that he could control the connection with Spirit with his intellect - if
only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing
Randall wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit,
is to surrender his thinking. Randall was deeply addicted to thinking as
a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of
controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and
helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.
Many us of are addicted to thinking. We believe if we can just figure
things out we can control others and the outcome of things. We want to
control how people feel about us and treat us by saying just the right
thing - so we have to think about it over and over to discover the right
thing to say. This is called "ruminating." Ruminating is obsessively
thinking about something over and over in the hopes of finally coming up
with the "right" answer, the right thing to say, the right way to be to
have control over others and the outcome of things. Ruminating is also a
way to have control over our own painful feelings, which is what
addictions are all about.
In my work with Randall, he would immediately go into his head and
analyze what was happening in the session the minute feelings came up.
Over and over I would bring him out of his head and into his body, into
his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that he could only
stay with his feelings for a few moments before he was back into his
head - explaining, figuring out, intellectualizing.
He was so terrified of the soul loneliness and aloneness he felt that he
had learned to avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Randall was
willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been there since
childhood, he couldn't stay out of his head. As long as his intent was
to control his pain rather than learn from it, he would not be able to
move into the spiritual connection he so desired.
The purpose of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, especially the
deep soul loneliness that we all feel in this society. The problem is
that our disconnection from our feelings - which is our Inner Child -
creates aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left
alone inside with no one to attend to the painful feelings. It is only
when our desire is to learn about how we may be causing our own painful
feelings that we open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also
opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we cannot feel when
our intent is to avoid pain with our various addictions.
It took Randall many months to be willing to feel his painful feelings,
but he discovered that when he finally had the courage to feel them, it
was not as bad as he thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning
his Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no longer felt
alone within.
Connecting with himself allowed him to connect with Spirit more and more
of the time. Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to
control it, he was getting there by being present in the moment with his
inner experience - surrendering to the moment. Randall found that while
he could not control others and the outcome of things, he actually did
have control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn rather
than protecting against pain. While he couldn't control Spirit, he did
have control his own intent, which eventually led to his being able to
connect with Spirit"
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=479