How do I maintain my sanity and still support my alcoholic father?

[Jeanette Henry]

I've struggled with this question and I have no answer. I'd greatly
appreciate suggestions from others that are not directly involved.

I'm the care giver for an alcoholic. My father is 74 years old and is
suffering from alcohol related parepheral neuropothy. He says his
neuropothy is inherited from his mother. Denial.
He drinks because he has no quality of life but he has no quality of
life because he drinks.
Alcohol has taken a brilliant man and turned him into someone I do not
know.

He drinks vodka until he passes out. He sleeps it off until the
dehydration kicks in, gets up and starts drinking more vodka.
Based on the amount that he has me purchase, he drinks approximately
22.5 oz of vodka per day.
When I point that out to him, he lies and says he spills most of it.
Funny, the mixer sometimes spills but I've never seen him spill a drop
of the poison.

The label should read: Altzhiemer's, incontenence and perepheral
neuropothy in a bottle.

If I were to refuse to buy it for him, I'm afraid the DT's would kill
him. I also have no doubt that he would get someone else to purchase
it for him.

I work all day, then stop by and fix something for him to eat (which
he usually throws away as soon as I leave) empty his potty chair and
listen to the same stories over and over again. Then I go home to my
family and hope I don't get a call from Lifeline telling me he has
fallen.

I try to talk to him about his drinking but he won't listen or he is
too drunk to understand or care. When I suggested that perhaps we
should measure out a daily allotment of alcohol and remove the
temptation of the rest, he nearly had a heart attack. He informed me
that he would simply hurt himself trying to find where I hid it.

Does anyone have any coping mechanism for dealing with this?
JMH

[rosie read and post]

have you attempted to contact ALANON?
(for the family and friends of alcoholics)

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/ola/
rosie




"Jeanette Henry" <jhenry83@charter.net> wrote in message
news:bplbf0lvn22q8s8kh8bh5akasmo5t5s09t@4ax.com...
: I've struggled with this question and I have no answer. I'd
greatly
: appreciate suggestions from others that are not directly involved.
:
: I'm the care giver for an alcoholic. My father is 74 years old
and is
: suffering from alcohol related parepheral neuropothy. He says his
: neuropothy is inherited from his mother. Denial.
: He drinks because he has no quality of life but he has no quality
of
: life because he drinks.
: Alcohol has taken a brilliant man and turned him into someone I do
not
: know.
:
: He drinks vodka until he passes out. He sleeps it off until the
: dehydration kicks in, gets up and starts drinking more vodka.
: Based on the amount that he has me purchase, he drinks
approximately
: 22.5 oz of vodka per day.
: When I point that out to him, he lies and says he spills most of
it.
: Funny, the mixer sometimes spills but I've never seen him spill a
drop
: of the poison.
:
: The label should read: Altzhiemer's, incontenence and perepheral
: neuropothy in a bottle.
:
: If I were to refuse to buy it for him, I'm afraid the DT's would
kill
: him. I also have no doubt that he would get someone else to
purchase
: it for him.
:
: I work all day, then stop by and fix something for him to eat
(which
: he usually throws away as soon as I leave) empty his potty chair
and
: listen to the same stories over and over again. Then I go home to
my
: family and hope I don't get a call from Lifeline telling me he has
: fallen.
:
: I try to talk to him about his drinking but he won't listen or he
is
: too drunk to understand or care. When I suggested that perhaps we
: should measure out a daily allotment of alcohol and remove the
: temptation of the rest, he nearly had a heart attack. He informed
me
: that he would simply hurt himself trying to find where I hid it.
:
: Does anyone have any coping mechanism for dealing with this?
: JMH
:
:
:
:

[G-A]

On Wed, 14 Jul 2004 21:02:54 -0400, Jeanette Henry <jhenry83@charter.net> wrote:

>I've struggled with this question and I have no answer. I'd greatly
>appreciate suggestions from others that are not directly involved.
>
>I'm the care giver for an alcoholic. My father is 74 years old and is
>suffering from alcohol related parepheral neuropothy. He says his
>neuropothy is inherited from his mother. Denial.

Not necessarily. Peripheral neuropathy has many causes some forms
of it have well-documented genetic linkage. But that's
irrelevant since he obviously has serious alcohol problems.

[snip]

>I try to talk to him about his drinking but he won't listen or he is
>too drunk to understand or care. When I suggested that perhaps we
>should measure out a daily allotment of alcohol and remove the
>temptation of the rest, he nearly had a heart attack. He informed me
>that he would simply hurt himself trying to find where I hid it.
>
>Does anyone have any coping mechanism for dealing with this?

This is really tough. My $.02 worth:

Short of violence measures (forcing him to start treatment),
nothing's can be done unless he agrees to address the problem.
Think hard of the best way to convince him (what he'd best
respond to, likes, respects, etc - go this way). Also, think
of what he might be trying to escape when drinking - then
think of what you can do to alleviate such causes. In any
case objective is to see a doctor ASAP. Then it might become
at least manageable. Then go from there. Even a small step
in the right direction is valuable.

That's how I'd approach it anyway.

Hope you find the right solution. Best of luck to you
and your father!

G-A

[Fred Exley]

Wow, your dad sounds exactly like my grandfather. Especially the
description 'brilliant'. He tried to get me to blow him when I was six, but
I innocently shared that fact with my aunt, and that was the last I ever saw
of dear old grandpa.

My only guess is that he's using you as an 'enabler'. The hard fact is,
he's probably not going to mend his ways, nor wake up and take a walk in the
sunshine and live happily ever after. Rather, he's most likely going to
drink himself to death pretty soon. Let him. I don't believe in miracles,
or Santa Claus, but I do believe you have a life worth living, and you've
done more than enough for dear old dad.




"Jeanette Henry" <jhenry83@charter.net> wrote in message
news:bplbf0lvn22q8s8kh8bh5akasmo5t5s09t@4ax.com...
> I've struggled with this question and I have no answer. I'd greatly
> appreciate suggestions from others that are not directly involved.
>
> I'm the care giver for an alcoholic. My father is 74 years old and is
> suffering from alcohol related parepheral neuropothy. He says his
> neuropothy is inherited from his mother. Denial.
> He drinks because he has no quality of life but he has no quality of
> life because he drinks.
> Alcohol has taken a brilliant man and turned him into someone I do not
> know.
>
> He drinks vodka until he passes out. He sleeps it off until the
> dehydration kicks in, gets up and starts drinking more vodka.
> Based on the amount that he has me purchase, he drinks approximately
> 22.5 oz of vodka per day.
> When I point that out to him, he lies and says he spills most of it.
> Funny, the mixer sometimes spills but I've never seen him spill a drop
> of the poison.
>
> The label should read: Altzhiemer's, incontenence and perepheral
> neuropothy in a bottle.
>
> If I were to refuse to buy it for him, I'm afraid the DT's would kill
> him. I also have no doubt that he would get someone else to purchase
> it for him.
>
> I work all day, then stop by and fix something for him to eat (which
> he usually throws away as soon as I leave) empty his potty chair and
> listen to the same stories over and over again. Then I go home to my
> family and hope I don't get a call from Lifeline telling me he has
> fallen.
>
> I try to talk to him about his drinking but he won't listen or he is
> too drunk to understand or care. When I suggested that perhaps we
> should measure out a daily allotment of alcohol and remove the
> temptation of the rest, he nearly had a heart attack. He informed me
> that he would simply hurt himself trying to find where I hid it.
>
> Does anyone have any coping mechanism for dealing with this?
> JMH
>
>
>
>