Tuesday's with Christine

It's another Tuesday, and no big surprise, I'm at a loss again. I'm trying to
find the common denominator to why I feel this way every Tuesday afternoon and
what I have come up with is 1) it's my day off, 2) I want to visit my
boyfriend.

I just can't keep putting so many miles on my car. It's such bad, freezing,
weather, and the wear and tear driving back and forth 40 plus miles is just too
much for my little shitbox '92 Toyota Corolla. He works the 9-5 M-F job, so is
not able to come down here on weekdays ... it's just the reality I see so
clearly being sober. I have to arrange a new Tuesday plan, at least until
spring. So, I'm going to try and put things together for my trip coming up
(I"m going on a cruise early Feb) and then I will go to a local meeting
tonight.

I'm also at a loss in general ... I had a great time with my boyfriend this
weekend. We talked open and honestly about or addictions as we are going
through a lot of the same things. However, I have the support of my group and
the friends I've made over the last three plus months ... he is not willing to
give AA a chance. He is dealing with his Alcoholism on his own, which isn't
working very well. Somewhere in his mind he thinks he will be able to drink
normally someday, yet, he confessed to having a bottle hidden in his bedroom.
How many social drinkers hide booze under the bed? Not many, I am sure. He is
also playing with the idea of going to rehab, which, I have mixed feelings
over. I'm not sure why. I guess I just feel it's a hard road to AA, or at
least a group setting with any other name. I'm feeling frustration that he
won't at least give AA a shot, since it has done wonders for me, and our
stories are so similar ... I do not force the issue with him. I tell him how
wonderful my meetings are, how my AWOL is going, about all the wonderful people
I meet, etc. He sees how happy I am, how wonderful my life is becoming ...
hopefully he sees the correlational between my sobriety and the help I receive
through AA.

.... And then there's the whole aspect of our relationship in general. It takes
a lot out of me, and I love him so much, but my sobriety is my main priority.
I toy with the idea of giving the relationship a break, but that isn't such a
great idea, as the sadness and loneliness could push me towards a drink ... my
sponsor tells me it is not wise to make any major decisions so early in
sobriety, I know she is right. I also want to be there for him with whatever
he chooses. I would love for this to just be the beginning of our life
together. I must just give it up to God. I need to remember to get down on my
knees in the morning and at night. It is something major I honestly only do
once or twice a week instead of daily. I do notice the difference.

Sigh. I'm all over the place here. I'm sure you can all see my confusion in
my words. Any words of wisdom is greatly appreciated ...

Thanks,
Christine

> ... my
> sponsor tells me it is not wise to make any major decisions so
early in
> sobriety, I know she is right.

its good to read that you have a sponsor, and that you respect her
suggestions.
does she know that you struggle with your tuesdays off?

Just my opinion:

Until he is ready to admit that he has a problem and is powerless to do it
on his own, nothing will change. Do not make his recovery your business.
Remember the Serenity prayer and what it means.

God,

Grant me the Serenity to accept
the things I cannot change (others),
the Courage to change the things I can (myself)
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Keep up the good work,

Kirk
"Christine" <ctbean3@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040120133306.21810.00000465@mb-m14.aol.com...
> It's another Tuesday, and no big surprise, I'm at a loss again. I'm
trying to
> find the common denominator to why I feel this way every Tuesday afternoon
and
> what I have come up with is 1) it's my day off, 2) I want to visit my
> boyfriend.
>
> I just can't keep putting so many miles on my car. It's such bad,
freezing,
> weather, and the wear and tear driving back and forth 40 plus miles is
just too
> much for my little shitbox '92 Toyota Corolla. He works the 9-5 M-F job,
so is
> not able to come down here on weekdays ... it's just the reality I see so
> clearly being sober. I have to arrange a new Tuesday plan, at least until
> spring. So, I'm going to try and put things together for my trip coming
up
> (I"m going on a cruise early Feb) and then I will go to a local meeting
> tonight.
>
> I'm also at a loss in general ... I had a great time with my boyfriend
this
> weekend. We talked open and honestly about or addictions as we are going
> through a lot of the same things. However, I have the support of my group
and
> the friends I've made over the last three plus months ... he is not
willing to
> give AA a chance. He is dealing with his Alcoholism on his own, which
isn't
> working very well. Somewhere in his mind he thinks he will be able to
drink
> normally someday, yet, he confessed to having a bottle hidden in his
bedroom.
> How many social drinkers hide booze under the bed? Not many, I am sure.
He is
> also playing with the idea of going to rehab, which, I have mixed feelings
> over. I'm not sure why. I guess I just feel it's a hard road to AA, or
at
> least a group setting with any other name. I'm feeling frustration that
he
> won't at least give AA a shot, since it has done wonders for me, and our
> stories are so similar ... I do not force the issue with him. I tell him
how
> wonderful my meetings are, how my AWOL is going, about all the wonderful
people
> I meet, etc. He sees how happy I am, how wonderful my life is becoming
....
> hopefully he sees the correlational between my sobriety and the help I
receive
> through AA.
>
> ... And then there's the whole aspect of our relationship in general. It
takes
> a lot out of me, and I love him so much, but my sobriety is my main
priority.
> I toy with the idea of giving the relationship a break, but that isn't
such a
> great idea, as the sadness and loneliness could push me towards a drink
.... my
> sponsor tells me it is not wise to make any major decisions so early in
> sobriety, I know she is right. I also want to be there for him with
whatever
> he chooses. I would love for this to just be the beginning of our life
> together. I must just give it up to God. I need to remember to get down
on my
> knees in the morning and at night. It is something major I honestly only
do
> once or twice a week instead of daily. I do notice the difference.
>
> Sigh. I'm all over the place here. I'm sure you can all see my confusion
in
> my words. Any words of wisdom is greatly appreciated ...
>
> Thanks,
> Christine

"Christine" <ctbean3@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040120133306.21810.00000465@mb-m14.aol.com...
> It's another Tuesday, and no big surprise, I'm at a loss again.


>I need to remember to get down on my
> knees in the morning and at night. It is something major I honestly only
do
> once or twice a week instead of daily. I do notice the difference.
>

Wouldn't that be a practical way to guarantee progress, rather than seek
perfection?

Bob

>its good to read that you have a sponsor, and that you respect her
>suggestions.
>does she know that you struggle with your tuesdays off?
>

I don't think she knows the extent of it ... i still have a hard time
confessing what I see as the little problems, you know? Painting on the face
of happy sobriety ... just talking abouut major issues. It's my own downfall,
i accept it, and try to work on it.

>
>Until he is ready to admit that he has a problem and is powerless to do it
>on his own, nothing will change. Do not make his recovery your business.
>Remember the Serenity prayer and what it means.

Yes, I know. I worry, however, and I am trying to just let it be ... to have
the strength to deal with whatever happens.

> I don't think she knows the extent of it ... i still have a hard
time
> confessing what I see as the little problems, you know? Painting
on the face
> of happy sobriety ... just talking abouut major issues. It's my
own downfall,
> i accept it, and try to work on it.


christine,
i remember in my early sobriety learning that it was the
accumulation of "little things" (which btw, are not all that little
when we are going through them) which is the MOST IMPORTANT thing to
share with my sponsor.
why not give her a call, and just bounce it past her?

please do share the solution with all of us, ok?

>christine,
>i remember in my early sobriety learning that it was the
>accumulation of "little things" (which btw, are not all that little
>when we are going through them) which is the MOST IMPORTANT thing to
>share with my sponsor.
>why not give her a call, and just bounce it past her?
>
>please do share the solution with all of us, ok?

I left her a VM

That's another thing. I have a hard time contacting her with both of our crazy
lives. I'm thinking of perhaps getting another "co-sponsor"... someone with
similar schedules or something ...

"Christine" <ctbean3@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040120143752.11514.00000342@mb-m12.aol.com...
> >its good to read that you have a sponsor, and that you respect her
> >suggestions.
> >does she know that you struggle with your tuesdays off?
> >
>
> I don't think she knows the extent of it ... i still have a hard
time
> confessing what I see as the little problems, you know? Painting on
the face
> of happy sobriety ... just talking abouut major issues. It's my own
downfall,
> i accept it, and try to work on it.

Hi Christine,

I've always tried not to bother my Sponsor at times when I've been
feeling low because I've thought it unfair to dump my problems on
them. Recently, I arranged to ring this person one evening and
during the afternoon of that day I sent them an email saying that I
didn't feel like talking that evening on account of being in a very
low mood and tearful on accounts of events that had happened during
the day. Swiftly replying by email, my Sponsor told that my mood was
good reason why we *should* speak :^))

We talked for over an hour during which time I cried a little more
than once. I was embarrassed by this but my Sponsor was not.

My Sponsor gave me much excellent advice, among which was:

1. it's easy to stay off the booze when life is going well but very
difficult to do so when it's not;

2 keep it in the day; and ,

3. the person called may gain just as much benefit from the call as
the caller

I know that I greatly benefited from talking to my Sponsor. My mood
was lighter and over the following days, I became aware that what I
had heard this person say had enabled me to progress further in
recovery.

FWIW, despite having seven months of sobriety under my belt I still
get days when I find life almost too much to cope with. If such a day
coincides with any struggle I'm having with AA's programme - I can
blow a gasket :^) If I've understood my Sponsor correctly, my
experiences are not unique (<g>). Also, talking at such times can be
helpful.

Continuing to wish you well.

JB

> Recently, I arranged to ring this person one evening and
>during the afternoon of that day I sent them an email saying that I
>didn't feel like talking that evening on account of being in a very
>low mood and tearful on accounts of events that had happened during
>the day. Swiftly replying by email, my Sponsor told that my mood was
>good reason why we *should* speak :^))
>

I have this conversation with my sponsor often. It must be very frustrating
for her, however, I am just not *there* yet. I do not allow myself to get
upset over this. I walked into the halls of AA the day after my sobriety date
for the very first time in my life, and, unlike most, jumped in head first, and
that was a very long 3 1/2 months ago. Not really too long, when you think
about it. This is all *so* new to me, and I stuggle, still, with some of it.
It's a 180 degree turn. I embrace the program, yet, some things are still
difficult for me ... I still hold on to the notion I can do *some* things on my
own, or through the help of other options, such as this newgroup or another
online group I belong to. The important part here, is that I acknowledge this,
and work to improve this behavior. I have improved greatly over the months ...
just not quite *there*.

Me thinks I doth thinkest too much.