Hi:

I've only been in AA a month, and stayed sober the whole time. But I have
some questions that I guess I'll post here because I don't know who or how
to ask at AA. (Also, Robert McGregor, please don't post insulting derogatory
answers like you do to everyone.)

Stupid Question #1:
What is the real job of a sponsor? There is this guy who is my sponsor, but
I don't really understand the relationship very much. He tells me stuff to
do, but some of it, I'm not comfortable doing, such as phoning complete
strangers in AA and introducing myself. I am supposed to check in with him
every few days, but that feels kind of strange to me. Obviously I don't want
to ask him this question.

Stupid Question #2:
What is the purpose of what is called a Home Group? Lots of people are
telling me to join a "Home Group", but I don't understand what that means.
How is that different from just going to meetings? Why do people in this
Home Group want my home phone number?

Stupid Question #3:
How many meetings should I go to? I hear about people going to 90 meetings
in 90 days, and some going to 2 or more meetings a day. I can't do this with
my schedule and my family. Does that mean that AA won't work for me?

Stupid Question #4:
I am craving a drink so badly now, that I even dream about it. Is that
normal? I dreamed about whiskey all night. I would never tell anyone at an
AA meeting about that because they all seem to "get it" with these steps and
stuff. I don't seem to be "getting it" and I don't know why. I've been going
to 3 - 5 meetings a week, and my wife is getting pissed at the time away
from home. But I can't seem to make the connection (to quote Oprah). What am
I missing? This is a harder question for me to articulate, but somehow I
just don't experience what all these other people experience. Does this mean
that I am one of the "poor unfortunates" that they read from "How it Works"
in every meeting?

"John Smith" <i_user@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:zMiLa.338592$Vi5.8583147@news1.calgary.shaw.c a...


hello john,
let me share with you, what worked for me.
(if robert and his friends jump on it, who cares?)



> Stupid Question #1:
> What is the real job of a sponsor?

i got a sponsor, because it was suggested that i NOT try to follow the AA program by myself.
recovery is ONE ALCOHOLIC TALKING TO ANOTHER!

my sponsor DID ask me to call each day, that was an exercise to get me use to using the phone as a tool in my sobriety.
being able to call someone BEFORE i take that first drink was a must , and i had to practise "picking up " the phone.





>
> Stupid Question #2:
> What is the purpose of what is called a Home Group? Lots of people are
> telling me to join a "Home Group", but I don't understand what that means.


finding a HOME GROUP was another tool that worked well for me.
finding a group that i could "call my own", and place that i showed up weekly, no matter what.
we had a phone list in our group and if someone didn't show up, we would call to make sure that they were ok.
if i was unable to show up at my home group, i ALWAYS called my sponsor!
my home group, really did become my family, and "suiting up and showing up" was a great tool for sobriety, in my life.
there are those who don't believe that a sponsor should have a BIG ROLE in our forming a new behavior, but i can tell
you, that FOLLOWING DIRECTION saved my life.
it worked for me!




?
>
> Stupid Question #3:
> How many meetings should I go to?


what does your sponsor suggest?



>I hear about people going to 90 meetings
> in 90 days, and some going to 2 or more meetings a day. I can't do this with
> my schedule and my family. Does that mean that AA won't work for me?



i did not go to treatment, so i had to learn what "to do with my life" in meetings.
it was suggested that i do 90 in 90, and i HATED being home in those early days, so i did 90 in 60 days, and spent alot
of time in the local coffee shop with others from the fellowship.
i really DID put my early sobriety and my recovery schedule, before my family's needs, and luckily had a wonderful
husband who filled in for me at home until i was ready to participate.
was that selfish? you bet it was!
putting myself and my sobriety first was an ABSOLUTE MUST in the early days!





>
> Stupid Question #4:
> I am craving a drink so badly now, that I even dream about it. Is that
> normal? I dreamed about whiskey all night.

that can be normal, in fact, i don't know anyone who DIDN'T dream about alcohol in early sobriety. the same thing
happened when i quit smoking.
ADDICTION IS ADDICTION!

sharing your feelings and thoughts about this in your meetings is VERY important.
you will never know how folks REALLY feel without being honest.
don't ASSUME anything about others and their programs, and their "getting it".




>I don't seem to be "getting it" and I don't know why.


have you talked to your sponsor about this?



>I've been going
> to 3 - 5 meetings a week, and my wife is getting pissed at the time away
> from home.



please ask your wife to read THE FAMILY AFTERWARD in the big book, that should help a little.
would she consider attending ALANON?
that can be a big help!

> Does this mean
> that I am one of the "poor unfortunates" that they read from "How it Works"
> in every meeting?
>
>

just keeping doing THE NEXT RIGHT THING, talking to your sponsor and going to meetings, it WILL CLICK for you too!

rosie

Hi,
I still don't quite "get it" either, but noticed that if you just show the
folks respect with "stupid questions" many of them have ones that were even
"stupider"

I don't have a sponsor per se, but attend meetings regularly anyways, and for
me at least it's good to smoke way too much and drink some coffee, and not
booze.

My fiance, who I think had like 2 cigs and like 3 glasses of wine (for
communion) in her life, can't understand my problem. She's trying, but all
the time I spend away from her, and having to delay the lunch dates, and the
whole deal, well, she and I both realized that it's better than her coming home
to see me bagged (talk about "time away from home" we have a saying here "the
wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead" and that is about what my brain was
up to for the last year. She never bitched about the drinking, but I could
tell her dissapointment too)

I took her along to an open meeting to try and show her that bigger people than
I have had this problem. and she was amazed--she actually knew more people
there than me! She's a florist, and so knows a lot of people around town, and
she sat down and it was like "Hey rick! what are you doing here? Glady's,
what's going on? " and she was totally blown away that some people she has
known for years had the same problem. So her support level went way up.

so I go with rosie. I don't understand alcoholics (even though i AM one), how
are they supposed to? Alanon is really good. a good place for the loved ones
to try and figure out some things about it. and to realize it isn't weakness,
it's illness. and there is a huge difference.

Please, if your sponsor seems pretty cool, (and you know him/her better than
any of us), invite him for a cup of coffee, and just say, "I'm trying here my
friend but I just don't understand X, Y, or Z about this" and if he's worth a
damn, won't take offense.

take care my friend
john

"Bpyboy" <bpyboy@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20030628125114.27497.00002379@mb-m03.aol.com...
> Hi,
> I still don't quite "get it" either, but noticed that if you just show the
> folks respect with "stupid questions" many of them have ones that were
even
> "stupider"
>
> I don't have a sponsor per se, but attend meetings regularly anyways, and
for
> me at least it's good to smoke way too much and drink some coffee, and not
> booze.
>
> My fiance, who I think had like 2 cigs and like 3 glasses of wine (for
> communion) in her life, can't understand my problem. She's trying, but
all
> the time I spend away from her, and having to delay the lunch dates, and
the
> whole deal, well, she and I both realized that it's better than her coming
home
> to see me bagged (talk about "time away from home" we have a saying here
"the
> wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead" and that is about what my brain
was
> up to for the last year. She never bitched about the drinking, but I
could
> tell her dissapointment too)
>
> I took her along to an open meeting to try and show her that bigger people
than
> I have had this problem. and she was amazed--she actually knew more
people
> there than me! She's a florist, and so knows a lot of people around town,
and
> she sat down and it was like "Hey rick! what are you doing here?
Glady's,
> what's going on? " and she was totally blown away that some people she
has
> known for years had the same problem. So her support level went way up.
>
> so I go with rosie. I don't understand alcoholics (even though i AM
one), how
> are they supposed to? Alanon is really good. a good place for the loved
ones
> to try and figure out some things about it. and to realize it isn't
weakness,
> it's illness. and there is a huge difference.
>
> Please, if your sponsor seems pretty cool, (and you know him/her better
than
> any of us), invite him for a cup of coffee, and just say, "I'm trying here
my
> friend but I just don't understand X, Y, or Z about this" and if he's
worth a
> damn, won't take offense.
>
> take care my friend
> john
hi john. have you ever read the doctors opinion in the forward in ther bb?

http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame29.html

"John Smith" <i_user@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:zMiLa.338592$Vi5.8583147@news1.calgary.shaw.c a...
> Hi:
>
> I've only been in AA a month, and stayed sober the whole time. But I have
> some questions that I guess I'll post here because I don't know who or how
> to ask at AA. (Also, Robert McGregor, please don't post insulting
derogatory
> answers like you do to everyone.)
>

"rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:0ljLa.149054$Xl.2342672@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
>
> "John Smith" <i_user@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:zMiLa.338592$Vi5.8583147@news1.calgary.shaw.c a...
>
>
> hello john,
> let me share with you, what worked for me.
> (if robert and his friends jump on it, who cares?)
>

http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_20.htm
"Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert
opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind
and body. "

From: "rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com>
Message-ID: < wkHa.22568$fe.447991@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com>
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2003 14:31:22 GMT

YES, whatever works!
i belong to the "old school" of counting sobriety from the LAST drink/drug,
but i don't expect
everyone to do so, just because i did!

it works for me!

From: "rosie@readandpost" <readandpost@yahoo.com>
Message-ID: <l%Rl5.19132$E05.337271@nntp0.chicago.il.ameritech .net>

actually, i would have to say that i have had GOOD long term experience with
the treatment of my depression over the past 13yrs.
i have however had to take several different meds as each once finally
"wears
out" and i need to change.

"Robert McGregor" <robert_mcgregor@yahoo.com.au> wrote in
news:bdkrdn$tqd8r$1@ID-49289.news.dfncis.de:

> http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame29.html

You make me regret having posted the link to the "Flame
Warriors".

BTW, if you have a response.
Keep it to yourself.
I think you know where to put it.
--
You know that some people are different.
Now ain't that a crying shame.
Wouldn't it be a real drag, if we were all the same.
And I'm not gonna try to please eyes that just don't see.

On Sat, 28 Jun 2003 15:47:43 GMT, "John Smith" <i_user@hotmail.com>
wrote:

>I've only been in AA a month, and stayed sober the whole time.

Good progress so far Give yourself a pat on the back. That was
suggested to me, and I thought it was a crazy notion, but never
mind...

>What is the real job of a sponsor?

3 types of sponsor in AA: "recovery sponsor", "service sponsor" and
"temporary sponsor". You seem to be really describing a "recovery
sponsor". Technically, he's the person who guides you through the
recovery program. Unfortunately, if he's not already worked the Steps
himself, he has not trod the path he should be leading you on. For
recovery, you need a sponsor who's "been there, done that" ... one
who's worked the Steps (at least the first 7).

Or he might be a "temporary sponsor", who's someone there to introduce
you to meetings, to other members, and hopefully help you find your
recovery sponsor.

A "service sponsor" is a guide into an AA service position ... if a
group is being run well you'll sometimes hear people referr to being
"sponsored into service". This is the guy who's done the AA service
job someone else is about to undertake.

>He tells me stuff to do, but some of it, I'm not comfortable doing, such as
>phoning complete strangers in AA and introducing myself. I am supposed
>to check in with him every few days, but that feels kind of strange to me.
> Obviously I don't want to ask him this question.

If you're uneasy asking him the question, that indicates a problem
right there. A sponsor doesn't have all the answers, but he should be
someone who knows where else to ask. He should also be someone you
feel able to ask the question.

>What is the purpose of what is called a Home Group? Lots of people are
>telling me to join a "Home Group", but I don't understand what that means.
>How is that different from just going to meetings? Why do people in this
>Home Group want my home phone number?

A Home Group is a meeting you commit to attending each week. If you
make it known that a certain group is your home group, the others
there will give you jobs to do, etc. Others will ask for your number
because you're a member of that group. They might call you before the
meeting if someone needs picking up, or if someone needs to bring the
milk for coffee, or if you disappear for a couple of weeks and they
want to see if you're still doing ok.

>How many meetings should I go to? I hear about people going to 90 meetings
>in 90 days, and some going to 2 or more meetings a day. I can't do this with
>my schedule and my family. Does that mean that AA won't work for me?

I never did 90 in 90. It's not as big a deal as some make out, though
if you drank daily it can be a useful stop-gap in keeping you out of
the bars for 3 months. I typically do 2 or 3 meetings a week. I did
about 10 in 1 week, when I was really exploring all the different
local meetings.

>I am craving a drink so badly now, that I even dream about it. Is that
>normal?

You'll hear about "drink dreams" from time to time. Some people get
them even after many years sober. It's very common.

> I dreamed about whiskey all night. I would never tell anyone at an
>AA meeting about that because they all seem to "get it" with these steps and
>stuff.

Well if you can share the experience, you may be surprised at the
feedback you get. There's also many people in AA meetings who are
going through just the same. They don't talk about it either ... for
the exact same reason as you don't!

> This is a harder question for me to articulate, but somehow I
>just don't experience what all these other people experience. Does this mean
>that I am one of the "poor unfortunates" that they read from "How it Works"
>in every meeting?

Check out Step 12 .... "having had a spiritual awakening AS THE RESULT
OF these Steps".... work the Steps as best you can, and you WILL
experience inner change. The experiences will happen by Step 12.
I've not known anyone work the Steps and not change (unless they
decide to stop working them, of course!).

--
Blue Moon

What a thoughtful reply of Rosie. She certainly is right about not assuming
everyone else it "getting it!" Maybe two or three are getting it.
Personally, just for me, I never did get a sponsor or do call ins but
believe me I was just as committed and made it work. I often spoke out in
meetings because I am an open person who likes to talk and that's when you
discover all the other people who feel exactly as you. Keep on keeping
on.......
"rosie readandpost" <readandpost@REMOVETHISyahoo.com> wrote in message
news:0ljLa.149054$Xl.2342672@twister.rdc-kc.rr.com...
>
> "John Smith" <i_user@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:zMiLa.338592$Vi5.8583147@news1.calgary.shaw.c a...
>
>
> hello john,
> let me share with you, what worked for me.
> (if robert and his friends jump on it, who cares?)
>
>
>
> > Stupid Question #1:
> > What is the real job of a sponsor?
>
> i got a sponsor, because it was suggested that i NOT try to follow the AA
program by myself.
> recovery is ONE ALCOHOLIC TALKING TO ANOTHER!
>
> my sponsor DID ask me to call each day, that was an exercise to get me
use to using the phone as a tool in my sobriety.
> being able to call someone BEFORE i take that first drink was a must , and
i had to practise "picking up " the phone.
>
>
>
>
>
> >
> > Stupid Question #2:
> > What is the purpose of what is called a Home Group? Lots of people are
> > telling me to join a "Home Group", but I don't understand what that
means.
>
>
> finding a HOME GROUP was another tool that worked well for me.
> finding a group that i could "call my own", and place that i showed up
weekly, no matter what.
> we had a phone list in our group and if someone didn't show up, we would
call to make sure that they were ok.
> if i was unable to show up at my home group, i ALWAYS called my sponsor!
> my home group, really did become my family, and "suiting up and showing
up" was a great tool for sobriety, in my life.
> there are those who don't believe that a sponsor should have a BIG ROLE in
our forming a new behavior, but i can tell
> you, that FOLLOWING DIRECTION saved my life.
> it worked for me!
>
>
>
>
> ?
> >
> > Stupid Question #3:
> > How many meetings should I go to?
>
>
> what does your sponsor suggest?
>
>
>
> >I hear about people going to 90 meetings
> > in 90 days, and some going to 2 or more meetings a day. I can't do this
with
> > my schedule and my family. Does that mean that AA won't work for me?
>
>
>
> i did not go to treatment, so i had to learn what "to do with my life" in
meetings.
> it was suggested that i do 90 in 90, and i HATED being home in those early
days, so i did 90 in 60 days, and spent alot
> of time in the local coffee shop with others from the fellowship.
> i really DID put my early sobriety and my recovery schedule, before my
family's needs, and luckily had a wonderful
> husband who filled in for me at home until i was ready to participate.
> was that selfish? you bet it was!
> putting myself and my sobriety first was an ABSOLUTE MUST in the early
days!
>
>
>
>
>
> >
> > Stupid Question #4:
> > I am craving a drink so badly now, that I even dream about it. Is that
> > normal? I dreamed about whiskey all night.
>
> that can be normal, in fact, i don't know anyone who DIDN'T dream about
alcohol in early sobriety. the same thing
> happened when i quit smoking.
> ADDICTION IS ADDICTION!
>
> sharing your feelings and thoughts about this in your meetings is VERY
important.
> you will never know how folks REALLY feel without being honest.
> don't ASSUME anything about others and their programs, and their "getting
it".
>
>
>
>
> >I don't seem to be "getting it" and I don't know why.
>
>
> have you talked to your sponsor about this?
>
>
>
> >I've been going
> > to 3 - 5 meetings a week, and my wife is getting pissed at the time away
> > from home.
>
>
>
> please ask your wife to read THE FAMILY AFTERWARD in the big book, that
should help a little.
> would she consider attending ALANON?
> that can be a big help!
>
> > Does this mean
> > that I am one of the "poor unfortunates" that they read from "How it
Works"
> > in every meeting?
> >
> >
>
> just keeping doing THE NEXT RIGHT THING, talking to your sponsor and going
to meetings, it WILL CLICK for you too!
>
> rosie
>
>

On Sat, 28 Jun 2003 15:47:12 -0700, "Bebop" <bjpowell@jeffnet.org>
wrote:

>What a thoughtful reply of Rosie.

Indeed. Seems a shame it's factually incorrect with the assertion
that recovery is one alcoholic talking to another. That's just not
true at all.

>Personally, just for me, I never did get a sponsor or do call ins but
>believe me I was just as committed and made it work.

Willingness to do whatever needs to be done is a vital part in the
process.

--
Blue Moon