Once we leave the meeting our recovery life really starts taking
shape and what we do outside of the meeting is where our recovery
program, or lack thereof, comes into play. We can work to apply what we
have learned and realize for ourselves the important lesson that
knowledge without application is useless. But, meetings only account
for a small fraction of the average recovering addicts time and for
myself, I do not get to many f2f meetings. For this reason, that most
of my time spent living is without the support of a meeting, I try to
be open to recovery lessons wherever I find myself in life. Back in
1995 I found an important one at the OJ Simpson trial with that famous
quote from the closing remarks of defense attorney Johnny Cochran, "if
the glove doesn't fit - you must acquit." For my use, I drop the
reference to the glove, so it can be used for any situation - whether
it be people, places or things. This phrase "if it doesn't fit - you
must acquit" underscores the question I must ask myself daily of what I
can peacefully coexist with when it comes to my various addictions. In
the end, a successful recovery program is not about what I want, but
about what my addictions will comfortably allow.

The SCA tool of abstention from people, places and things that I find
harmful to me, whether it be from placing unreasonable demands on my
time and energy or placing me in legal jeopardy or is endangering my
mental, physical or spiritual health is a very important bottom line
evaluator. When the addict develops such conscious thoughts towards
the cultivation of recovery, so that whatever action they are engaged
in - it is always evaluated from that orientation - then they can find
great success with improving their life from applying this single
pointed dedication to change. Thus their recovery program practice and
life becomes one and it becomes second nature for them to put recovery
concerns first and to start living right. This abstention or change is
the bottom line recovery tool I have used to give me a new life coupled
with gratefully accepting that which cannot be comfortably changed.

This concept of "fit or acquit" is in a nutshell what my recovery
program is based on - living within my comfortable means. To most
people this "means" refers to money, but when I refer to means, I am
speaking about all of them; whether they be financial means, spiritual
means, capability means, energy means, mental or stress means, caloric
means, health means, comfortable space means, time means and most
important my recovery program means. You see there is much more to
living a serene, happy and balanced life than mere money. We each have
different means or capabilities in each area, so don't be concerned
with what "he, she or they" can do, just be mindful of what YOU can
abstinently, soberly, solvently and comfortably do. In short, "Be who
YOU are and be that well"...as a sign at a girls boarding school in
West Virginia advertised. Recovery popped up for me as a freeway
billboard this day.

In order to live successfully within my means requires constant
monitoring and evaluation. This again shows the importance of this
"single minded dedication and orientation" during all our waking hours
and possibly sleeping hours as well as it only takes a minute,
sometimes even a second, to slip and there are 86,400 seconds in a day.
When I speak of "comfortable" means I am referring to not living on
the edge of your means, but step back some to leave a cushion for the
unforeseen-this is your comfort cushion. Debtors Anonymous taught me
all about financial cushions and budgets and I can apply this principle
of "cushions" to all of the means I mentioned here as well. If I use up
100% of my money, I may not have run up a debt, but I also have nothing
in reserve to cover unforeseen emergencies and I am on the precarious
edge of debting. This is why I try to live within 85% of my income, so
I can maintain a 15% reserve for the unforeseen or savings cushion and
this is what I do with my recovery programs and life in general - I try
to maintain a comfortable cushion and stay away from on the edge
living.

I prefer to stand back a little from the edge and keep my recovery
footing secure. I learned a long time ago I was not recovering until I
started refusing. I had to refuse the old sick ways that got me here
and this reminder for "a comfortable fit or I must acquit" is important
to this effort of maintaining such recovery boundaries. Am I perfect
with my practice of fit or acquit? Any of you with a family to look
after will understand this - that we cannot always do what WE want to
do and must bend some. No, I go past my comfortable boundaries
sometimes, but the measure of my mindfulness to ask this question and
my ability to pull back and live within my comfortable means is the
measure of how successful my recovery programs are running.

Obviously my system of "you are not recovering until your start
refusing" does not go well with the overly ambitious, power hungry,
workaholic, career oriented people that are asked to give 125% of
themselves at the office. These sort of individuals always wants more
and never less. Acceptance? They will never take NO for an answer. This
reminds me of another recovery lesson I learned from the musical Evita.
In "Don't Cry For Me Argentina," the words spell out life as most
addicts know it "a life of illusions that turn out not to be the
solutions they promised to be." Isn't this what we use our various
drugs for? Pain relievers and artificial solutions to our problems,
most of which we have created for ourselves by not accepting our
comfortable means? For me, recovery happened to be broadcasting on the
radio that day. Other times it comes from watching the news or doing
food shopping. Yes, recovery is all around us, once we become honest,
open and willing and make an effort start looking for it.

I have no useful advice for such people that put ego above all else,
because ALL the recovery efforts for my 8 - 12 step programs are based
on principles change and acceptance by living within my comfortable
means, not overextending myself and refusing peace busters on a daily
basis. In short, my efforts of change are in the opposite direction
from where the overly ambitious are headed. For most of us looking for
recovery success, we had to learn to restructure our lives in a new
direction as our old lifestyle has not served us well. Without this
restructuring or change, there is usually little progress and addicts
are still complaining about the same problems ten years down the road -
if they last that long in the program.

This application of restructuring or changing ones life with an eye for
balance and recovery is one reason why I use my writing time to work
Step 12 and Tradition 5 instead of sending in an endless stream of
complaints and daily drama. I restructured my life to minimize problems
and the everyday problems life throws at me, for the most part, can be
handled without issue, debate or the wringing of my hands and a
solution can be comfortably found just by applying established recovery
principles to these problems. It is only when I have an excess of
problems from being tag teamed through the problems life gives me for
free, as well as the problems I generate for myself, then I find I am
overloaded with more problems than my abilities can handle. Drama and
problems destroy my peace, so I work to keep them at a minimum.
Voluntary Simplicity or Simple Living plays a big part in my awareness
of potential problems that will destroy my peace. (If you missed my 6
page post on "Putting Peace First" write me.) One thing we have to
remember, when we give something up - we get something back in exchange
to replace it. When we give up the old life, we can get a peaceful and
serene life in return ... if we work a good program. If a problem
cannot be solved or changed in some way, then and only then, do I work
on accepting it. But, there are few problems that cannot be changed in
some way, even if only changed in a small way to start with.

Now, if you have read my posts you know I'm not much of a jokester.
There is nothing wrong with jokes, but my recovery time is limited and
addiction recovery is no joke to me, so I try to spend my recovery time
on subjects that actually make a difference. Part of the Buddhists
doctrine contains the Eightfold Path, (having the right view, the right
intention, the right speech, the right actions, the right livelihood,
the right effort, the right mindfulness and the right concentration). I
borrow the from my Buddhist practice and apply Eightfold Path to my
recovery work to get the "right" recovery results. It is very easy for
people using recovery lists to forward endless streams of jokes and
trivia and seem to write about everything else other than what really
needs to be done to change their lives. For this reason I seldom send
in jokes. I save my laughs for watching the Comedy Channel, but I will
make an exception and recount this one joke, as it underscores this
topic of change.

There is a joke about a sponsee that asks his AA sponsor for advice and
complains that the 12 steps are too complex and there are too many
steps for him to follow. The sponsor told him , "Fine, if the 12 steps
are too complex for you then just work Step One and change EVERYTHING
else about you!" Without such change all we have is our old life back
and one thing is for sure; you can't have the old sick life as well as
the new healthy life. You have to choose the path you wish to take and
walk it and not just talk it. Addicts hate change, they want life
served up their way. Part of this resistance to change is due to
defiance and a big ego, another part is due to fear. But, if they stop
to think about it, they have been getting life "their way" all along
and their way is what got them the life they now have. This is all
grounded in AA's 12 & 12 pages 122-125, when it discusses "staying
right size" and addicts tendencies towards defiance to refuse
limitations and boundaries.

Yes, I do a lot of "grateful acceptance" with my recovery work, but
this is only after I have done the footwork to change and made an
effort to live sanely and within my comfortable means. After doing the
footwork for a more serene life, then I work on releasing and accepting
the results from my HP. My program is not based on crazy and sick
living and then trying to gratefully accept the inevitably bad outcome.
I don't meditate on ambition and money much anymore, now I mediate of
peace and serenity...these are my evaluators for a happy and successful
life.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a success and making a decent
living to provide for ourselves and our family, but it is easy to
confuse "our net worth with our self worth" and make money,
possessions, power and ego our God. When this happens we start to
neglect our real needs and instead of our actions helping, we end up
hurting ourselves and our loved ones - always seek balance. The only
advice I can offer to those overly ambitious individuals that are
looking for that elusive state of peace, prosperity and happiness as
well as a license to live any way they want and defy the laws of nature
is to do as the program suggests and "find someone that has what you
want" so they can learn their secret for yourself. Find someone in the
program that is very successful, very rich, very overextended and
pulled in all directions to the point of breaking - yet at the same
time honest, generous, compassionate, serene, thin and healthy and is
now immune to their various addictions calling their name and can do
anything they want in life with impunity and never worry about slipping
with their program...Good Luck! And, if you never quite find your
mentor, you can always try scaling back, living within your means and
asking the "fit or acquit" question yourself while you look for
recovery throughout your day.


Take Care,






V (Male)


For free access to my earlier posts on voluntary simplicity, compulsive
spending, debting, compulsive overeating and clutter write:
vfr44@aol.com. Any opinion expressed here is that of my own and is not
the opinion, recommendation or belief of any group or organization.