Roger, you can't believe how much this meant to me. In fact, it's
almost making me cry because it seems so applicable to my current
situation. Thank you so much.
And to Gail, keep posting girl. You are not alone.

This process of inventory should continue for a lifetime. But we must
be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection when
we first encounter such distasteful revelations as our very own
self-concerned, phony, superficial do-gooding ego-feeding ways, and
the like, the manner in which we attempt to claim virtue and steal
people's opinions, all the while hiding pride, greed, fear and the
like under platitudes and beatitudes and 'kindly acts', etc., for that
might diminish our usefulness to others; after all, these qualities
are the very ammunition with which we can be of benefit to other
self-deluded folks who are either drinking themselves into madness and
oblivion or imagine they have earned some special spiritual stripes
with the Lord, or whatever.

The perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good one actually
in fact PERMEATES human affairs from TOP to BOTTOM. Such subtle,
elusive and damaging kind of self-righteousness can underlie the
smallest act or thought. Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct
these flaws is the essence of character-building and good living.

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings
received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be
the permanent assets we shall seek.

When we discover these things, we are glad we know ourselves better,
we step into the shoes that fit, and ask our creator to show us the
way to better things as he/or/she/it might care to under the
conditions of the day. We don't hang around on the cross, since we
now know that others need the wood, and our motives need a drastic
overhaul.

A ruthless look at our motives, free acceptance and admission of what
we find, swallowing the hard ones, willingness to make amends and head
toward better ways, reliance on god, unselfish thought and action,
these lead unerringly to freedom, conviction, and happy contented
useful living. When in doubt, ask god for the right thought or
action. Take the time to consider each troubling or recurring
situtation carefully when possible or called for, and otherwise, don't
worry about it. We learn to truly laugh at ourselves. We begin to
lose the fear of the state of our souls, here or hereafter. We get
up, and grow up, and become a little bit more of what we could be.
Can't change what others think of us, only what they ought to.

Either that, or we try and 'just don't drink' and go to church and
write all our errors off on jeeeeeeeeeeeyzus. Not sure you can do
that, Gail, since you have a modicum of consciousness, even though
you're still so all wrapped up in yourself you you could put yourself
under the christmas tree and nobody would know the difference.

When the thought life gets intolerable, we can always pause, and in
the stillness simply say, thy will not mine be done, turn our
attentions outside of ourselves. It is not the matter of giving
that's in question, but learning when, why, and how to.

As to marital warfare, the Neverlost in-car gps directional system has
a dear peacekeeping feature: when you screw up and miss a turn, the
ever-friendly system voice simply cuts in and says, 'recalculating...'

Happy hollydaze

On Tue, 6 Dec 2005 23:35:17 -0600, "Gail"
<sweetpawprints_920@removethischarter.net> wrote:

>Hi all. I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I think I understand
>what is happening, and then I don't. I read some and it helped me to
>understand a little more. It almost seems impossible that I could be like
>you all. I have always thought myself a strong person. I feel so weak and
>confused right now. My dad told me that God has something in store for me to
>do. One day I believe it and the next day I don't know what to believe. Do I
>have to go around with a smile on my face all the time? I faked feeling good
>for years and always smiled when I didn't feel like it. Now, I don't feel
>like smiling and it seems like it is expected of me. I have always dished
>out money, and in most cases it was because I wanted to take care of people,
>and now that I realize I am co-dependent, it seems like every corner someone
>is needing something and I don't know whether I am suppose to be the good AA
>person and give it or let them fend for themselves. I have gotten my husband
>and me in dept by doing that with my sons. I fessed up to him and my kids
>are doing good. Now that I know what I did and am trying to do better, it
>seems my husband has gotten worse on spending. I just don't know what to do.
>I am going to go to Alanon. I know that I am the reason my husband and my
>kids don't repect me. I over done the co-dependent thing. I know! Hopefully
>I can learn how to deal with that, too. It just seems like everything is
>backwards or reverse than what I have always thought. Getting sleepy and am
>sick with a cold. I may not be making any sense in this post. Just had a bad
>day. Poor me.
>Love you all and miss you,
>Gail