dreamspinner3 <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com...
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.

He is in self-pity and remorse. He wants you to feel sympathy and be hopeful
he's "doing something" about his problem.
The part about doing something is good. After you indicated you wanted him
out, what were his motivations in sharing this with you? actually think
he's on Step 9 of the AA program?

Why doesn't he just do it?
Why not stand back and just let him get on with his own recovery?
Doesn't sound like you can really help him at this point anyways.

"dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com...
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.

When I made the decision to get help it was for me. I remember after my
treatment trying to find a way to tell my wife how sorry I was. No words
could really express it and it almost seemed futile to try. I simply said
"I'm sorry" and left it at that. Over the last two years I've lived how
sorry I am.

I knew our marriage was on probation. I knew if it was to be it was up to
me. I did not keep apologizing, I just kept doing the things I needed to do
to get better. I just passed two years of sobriety and I'm still doing the
things I need to do to be a better person. She told me I'm her hero again.

That should be your Litmus test. His actions will speak louder than words.
You however need to let him know this in no uncertain terms. If he does not
do what is necessary FROM HERE ON IN to get better then you have to do what
is right for you and he must be certain you will follow through.

Perhaps he doesn't want to stay married. Perhaps this is his way of hiding
this. Who knows, in his state right now, him least of all. Let him start his
recovery and see what happens. I hope he sees his path and I hope it
includes both of you.

"John Royer" <john.royer2@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:Y22cf.12015$1L3.387915@news20.bellglobal.com. ..
>
> That should be your Litmus test. His actions will speak louder than
words.
> You however need to let him know this in no uncertain terms. If he
does not
> do what is necessary FROM HERE ON IN to get better then you have to do
what
> is right for you and he must be certain you will follow through.
>


BINGO!
great post john!

On Tue, 08 Nov 2005 04:28:32 GMT, "stuart" <fred@nospam.com> wrote:

>He is in self-pity and remorse. He wants you to feel sympathy and be hopeful
>he's "doing something" about his problem.
>The part about doing something is good. After you indicated you wanted him
>out, what were his motivations in sharing this with you? actually think
>he's on Step 9 of the AA program?

I don't know what his motives are became I am not going to talk to him
to find out. And where did I indicate I wanted him out? I never
wanted him out of the hospital, I want him to stay in so he gets the
help he needs, if he's ready for it.

>Why doesn't he just do it?

I can't answer that either. I can guess.

>Why not stand back and just let him get on with his own recovery?

I thought that's what I've been doing so far.

>Doesn't sound like you can really help him at this point anyways.

Nope.
-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

"Dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:8er1n1tr3393i6lqu2fgf406e6m37gm0jg@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 08 Nov 2005 04:28:32 GMT, "stuart" <fred@nospam.com> wrote:
>
>>He is in self-pity and remorse. He wants you to feel sympathy and be
>>hopeful
>>he's "doing something" about his problem.
>>The part about doing something is good. After you indicated you wanted him
>>out, what were his motivations in sharing this with you? actually think
>>he's on Step 9 of the AA program?
>
> I don't know what his motives are became I am not going to talk to him
> to find out. And where did I indicate I wanted him out? I never
> wanted him out of the hospital, I want him to stay in so he gets the
> help he needs, if he's ready for it.

My apology for the Canuckism. "Out" (pronounced 'oot') means to "just take
off eh?"
Didn't mean out of the hospital..
You know what's cool is all the recovery shows on TV nowadays. I think its
helping those on need of help to see what might be required to get healthy
again, and get the thinking apparatus running a little better....

Stay Well



>
>>Why doesn't he just do it?
>
> I can't answer that either. I can guess.
>
>>Why not stand back and just let him get on with his own recovery?
>
> I thought that's what I've been doing so far.
>
>>Doesn't sound like you can really help him at this point anyways.
>
> Nope.
> -----
> Kim/Dreamspinner3
> Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

"dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com...
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
>

Is your husband aware that not only are you complaining about me to your
therapist and an Alanon group, you are always yapping about him on a public
newsgroup??? Geez Lady, enough is enough. Let the drunk YOU married have
some privacy. Bad enough you have been carrying on with his friend behind
his back. Sounds like you are driving the old man to drink, bitching and
griping about him anywhere and everywhere you can. Why in God's name are
you asking people on a fucking public newsgroup if YOU should file for
divorce?? Are you nuttier than the drunken old man is?




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"someone in need" <nobody@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:n8hvm1hkknhp7h0ciql1632sk95pkste8u@4ax.com...
> you will get all kinds of advice. some advice will stem out of hate
> and other out of love.
>
> no one can make the decision for you.
>
>
>
> i have a newly alcoholic wife that i love very much. we split
> physically. if she asks to come back i will say OK but ONLY after she
> completes at least 3 months of rehab. I believe when dealing with an
> addict, albeit a loved one, you must look at their actions and not
> words.

How does somebody become "newly alcoholic??" I didn't think it 'popped up'
like the chicken pox or measles!
>
> i can say what i would do in your shoes. i would play it by ear and
> observe her actions over the next few months. if she can prove herself
> truly sober than i accept her wholeheartedly.
>
> On 7 Nov 2005 11:28:59 -0800, "dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net>
> wrote:
>
>>I think he is, but I don't know. He is not a stupid person & he knows
>>how to play the system to get what he wants. He's done it before. He
>>knows me very well, he knows just what to say & do to get me thinking
>>things are different this time. But he has never checked himself into
>>the hospital before.
>
>




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I just think that trolls are so *cute* -- the way that you stand out in the
garden under the bird bath in your little pointy red hats -- oh, sorry!
That's gnomes, isn't it. The equivalent lack of stature always tricks me.

Oh yeah, bugger off, troll or garden gnome or whatever you are.

"Default" <SetAsDefault@properties.comnospam> wrote in message
news:1132407203_8597@spool6-east.superfeed.net...
>
> "dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
> news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com...
>> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
>> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
>> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
>> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
>> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
>> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
>> pills to try & kill himself.
>>
>> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
>> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
>> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
>> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
>> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>>
>> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
>> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
>>
>
> Is your husband aware that not only are you complaining about me to your
> therapist and an Alanon group, you are always yapping about him on a
> public newsgroup??? Geez Lady, enough is enough. Let the drunk YOU
> married have some privacy. Bad enough you have been carrying on with his
> friend behind his back. Sounds like you are driving the old man to drink,
> bitching and griping about him anywhere and everywhere you can. Why in
> God's name are you asking people on a fucking public newsgroup if YOU
> should file for divorce?? Are you nuttier than the drunken old man is?
>
>
>
> ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet
> News==----
> http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000
> Newsgroups
> ---= East/West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =---

"dan mcgown" <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:PYydnWzHXvFkruLeRVn-tQ@adelphia.com...
>I just think that trolls are so *cute* -- the way that you stand out
>in the garden under the bird bath in your little pointy red hats --
>oh, sorry! That's gnomes, isn't it. The equivalent lack of stature
>always tricks me.
>
> Oh yeah, bugger off, troll or garden gnome or whatever you are.


Danny? No kind offers of private "help"? This is not a prospective
boyfriend, at all?

After reading closely, I wouldn't be at all surprised if this is
either an acquaintance of dreamspinner, or her husband.

If so, G'Day, default, that name would have suited me
perfectly when I was drinking.

Bob


>
> "Default" <SetAsDefault@properties.comnospam> wrote in message
> news:1132407203_8597@spool6-east.superfeed.net...
>>
>> "dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
>> news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com...
>>> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He
>>> called
>>> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of
>>> minutes. He
>>> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again
>>> (this
>>> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
>>> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember
>>> anything
>>> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch
>>> of
>>> pills to try & kill himself.
>>>
>>> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself
>>> in but
>>> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull
>>> me into
>>> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I
>>> want to
>>> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push
>>> on &
>>> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>>>
>>> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe
>>> he
>>> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
>>>
>>
>> Is your husband aware that not only are you complaining about me
>> to your therapist and an Alanon group, you are always yapping
>> about him on a public newsgroup??? Geez Lady, enough is enough.
>> Let the drunk YOU married have some privacy. Bad enough you have
>> been carrying on with his friend behind his back. Sounds like you
>> are driving the old man to drink, bitching and griping about him
>> anywhere and everywhere you can. Why in God's name are you asking
>> people on a fucking public newsgroup if YOU should file for
>> divorce?? Are you nuttier than the drunken old man is?
>>
>>
>>
>> ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure
>> Usenet News==----
>> http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
>> >100,000 Newsgroups
>> ---= East/West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption
>> =---
>
>

Funny how on Dreamspinner's online blog, she doesn't mention her husband's
struggle with alcoholism, instead, she brought it here, to a public
newsgroup. I will never understand why people bring their entire personal
lives to online blogs and newsgroups. The poor drunk husband probably has
no idea she has been blabbing about him all over the net. Or, maybe that's
why he drinks, ya think?

See: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

"Robert McGregor" <robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote in message
news:437f58a4_1@news.iprimus.com.au...
> "dan mcgown" <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
> news:PYydnWzHXvFkruLeRVn-tQ@adelphia.com...
>>I just think that trolls are so *cute* -- the way that you stand out
>>in the garden under the bird bath in your little pointy red hats --
>>oh, sorry! That's gnomes, isn't it. The equivalent lack of stature
>>always tricks me.
>>
>> Oh yeah, bugger off, troll or garden gnome or whatever you are.
>
>
> Danny? No kind offers of private "help"? This is not a prospective
> boyfriend, at all?
>
> After reading closely, I wouldn't be at all surprised if this is
> either an acquaintance of dreamspinner, or her husband.
>
> If so, G'Day, default, that name would have suited me
> perfectly when I was drinking.
>
> Bob
>
>
>>
>> "Default" <SetAsDefault@properties.comnospam> wrote in message
>> news:1132407203_8597@spool6-east.superfeed.net...
>>>
>>> "dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
>>> news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegr oups.com...
>>>> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He
>>>> called
>>>> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of
>>>> minutes. He
>>>> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again
>>>> (this
>>>> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
>>>> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember
>>>> anything
>>>> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch
>>>> of
>>>> pills to try & kill himself.
>>>>
>>>> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself
>>>> in but
>>>> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull
>>>> me into
>>>> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I
>>>> want to
>>>> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push
>>>> on &
>>>> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>>>>
>>>> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe
>>>> he
>>>> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
>>>>
>>>
>>> Is your husband aware that not only are you complaining about me
>>> to your therapist and an Alanon group, you are always yapping
>>> about him on a public newsgroup??? Geez Lady, enough is enough.
>>> Let the drunk YOU married have some privacy. Bad enough you have
>>> been carrying on with his friend behind his back. Sounds like you
>>> are driving the old man to drink, bitching and griping about him
>>> anywhere and everywhere you can. Why in God's name are you asking
>>> people on a fucking public newsgroup if YOU should file for
>>> divorce?? Are you nuttier than the drunken old man is?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure
>>> Usenet News==----
>>> http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
>>> >100,000 Newsgroups
>>> ---= East/West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption
>>> =---
>>
>>
>
>
>
>
>




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