Some of you remember when I first started posting here, just about 2 years ago.

My husband was in long term rehab, and I was looking for answers. I was scared,
confused and angry.

I know that I've been touchy with other posters lately, and for that I sincerely
apologize. As you have probably guessed by now, things have returned to just
about where they were before he checked into the hospital that last time.

I guess that I have learned some over the past couple of years. I no longer search
for bottles, what's the point? I know that he is drinking, the physical evidence is
no longer required. I guess that some part of me always knew, but never wanted
to believe that after all we had been through, he would take the same road, again.

I left him for awhile this summer, after refusing to travel with him on vacation.
Learned that lesson the hard way, as well. I knew that it was unlikely that he had actually
stopped when I returned. But I missed my home, and the rest of my life. I wanted
so badly to believe that he would come back to our life again. When he came to
see me at my sister's he promised the moon. He called me every day. He loved
me, he missed me, he needed me, he would do anything to have me back.
I didn't truly believe him. But I wanted to, so badly.

Of course, he never followed through with those promises he made me and now,
he is out in the driveway. Passed out in his car. We have come to this, again.

But, I am different. It's not that I don't love him. I do. But, I have come to
love myself again, and I deserve more than this. I have worked to hard to
rebuild a life for myself in the past two years. I am to stubborn to let everything
I have worked for slip through my fingers. Why should I allow him to steal
everything from me? My home, my family, my friends, my joy?

I do not intend to drag him into the house and put him to bed.

I do not intend to be forced from my home, not yet anyway. If I leave it will
be because I chose to do so, not because I felt that I had no choices at all and
ran to escape.

I do intend to continue on with my own life, and hope and pray that he will
see the way clear to join me again at some point. I don't have to decide this
second what to do next. I have been working my own
program, and I feel strangely calm tonight. I know that I have the support of
my own friends and family. I know that whatever happens, I may be sad
but I will survive.

There are almost no tears left.

My heart goes out to you, Kim. My husband's violence is only towards
himself. Please be safe.

Kai

Kai <kaisapphire@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:436d5cb2$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net...
> Some of you remember when I first started posting here, just about 2 years
ago.
>
> My husband was in long term rehab, and I was looking for answers. I was
scared,
> confused and angry.

Your hubby is one lucky SOB. You been at this two years now? I never got
that kind of boozing lease term in my marriage before I got turfed. Are you
really sure you aren't a drama junkie? Just kidding...
You say you aren't going outside? Why not actually do him a favor and get
the cops to drag him downtown? Maybe a night in the drunk tank might just
give his self-esteem a tiny kick in the balls that might motivate him to
actually do something about his alcoholism.

I oughtta be in ALANON
Tough Lover, Stewie...

stuart <fred@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:zjgbf.81602$S4.59382@edtnps84...
>
> Kai <kaisapphire@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:436d5cb2$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net...
> > Some of you remember when I first started posting here, just about 2
years
> ago.
> >
> > My husband was in long term rehab, and I was looking for answers. I was
> scared,
> > confused and angry.
>
> Your hubby is one lucky SOB. You been at this two years now? I never got
> that kind of boozing lease term in my marriage before I got turfed. Are
you
> really sure you aren't a drama junkie? Just kidding...
> You say you aren't going outside? Why not actually do him a favor and get
> the cops to drag him downtown? Maybe a night in the drunk tank might just
> give his self-esteem a tiny kick in the balls that might motivate him to
> actually do something about his alcoholism.
>
> I oughtta be in ALANON
> Tough Lover, Stewie...

PS Passed out in the car drunk, even while parked in the driveway is good
for a drunk driving charge also. Yes it is. Trust me on that. Just call the
cops and find our for yourself. Good DUI sometimes good for kick-starting
the sobriety also...

"stuart" <fred@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:emgbf.81603$S4.41827@edtnps84...
>
> stuart <fred@nospam.com> wrote in message
> news:zjgbf.81602$S4.59382@edtnps84...
>>
>> Kai <kaisapphire@yahoo.com> wrote in message
>> news:436d5cb2$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net...
>> > Some of you remember when I first started posting here, just
>> > about 2
> years
>> ago.
>> >
>> > My husband was in long term rehab, and I was looking for
>> > answers. I was
>> scared,
>> > confused and angry.
>>
>> Your hubby is one lucky SOB. You been at this two years now? I
>> never got
>> that kind of boozing lease term in my marriage before I got
>> turfed. Are
> you
>> really sure you aren't a drama junkie? Just kidding...
>> You say you aren't going outside? Why not actually do him a favor
>> and get
>> the cops to drag him downtown? Maybe a night in the drunk tank
>> might just
>> give his self-esteem a tiny kick in the balls that might motivate
>> him to
>> actually do something about his alcoholism.
>>
>> I oughtta be in ALANON
>> Tough Lover, Stewie...
>
> PS Passed out in the car drunk, even while parked in the driveway
> is good
> for a drunk driving charge also. Yes it is. Trust me on that. Just
> call the
> cops and find our for yourself. Good DUI sometimes good for
> kick-starting
> the sobriety also...
>

Who's the drama junkie here? Not kidding...

To take Stuart's advice, a power tripper's alternative to Kai's
detaching with love, would be meddling with intent masquerading as
love.

Sometimes "good" for kick-starting an overwhelming abundance of
adverse consequences also...


Bob

Robert McGregor <robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote in message
news:436dc8cb_1@news.iprimus.com.au...
>
> "stuart" <fred@nospam.com> wrote in message
> news:emgbf.81603$S4.41827@edtnps84...
> >
> > stuart <fred@nospam.com> wrote in message
> > news:zjgbf.81602$S4.59382@edtnps84...
> >>
> >> Kai <kaisapphire@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> >> news:436d5cb2$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net...
> >> > Some of you remember when I first started posting here, just
> >> > about 2
> > years
> >> ago.
> >> >
> >> > My husband was in long term rehab, and I was looking for
> >> > answers. I was
> >> scared,
> >> > confused and angry.
> >>
> >> Your hubby is one lucky SOB. You been at this two years now? I
> >> never got
> >> that kind of boozing lease term in my marriage before I got
> >> turfed. Are
> > you
> >> really sure you aren't a drama junkie? Just kidding...
> >> You say you aren't going outside? Why not actually do him a favor
> >> and get
> >> the cops to drag him downtown? Maybe a night in the drunk tank
> >> might just
> >> give his self-esteem a tiny kick in the balls that might motivate
> >> him to
> >> actually do something about his alcoholism.
> >>
> >> I oughtta be in ALANON
> >> Tough Lover, Stewie...
> >
> > PS Passed out in the car drunk, even while parked in the driveway
> > is good
> > for a drunk driving charge also. Yes it is. Trust me on that. Just
> > call the
> > cops and find our for yourself. Good DUI sometimes good for
> > kick-starting
> > the sobriety also...
> >
>
> Who's the drama junkie here? Not kidding...
>
> To take Stuart's advice, a power tripper's alternative to Kai's
> detaching with love, would be meddling with intent masquerading as
> love.
>
> Sometimes "good" for kick-starting an overwhelming abundance of
> adverse consequences also...
>
>
> Bob

You really wouldn't want him driving anytime soon, Bob. Good folks like you
and I are on the road too...

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry to hear of your pain & I
hope that, whatever happens with your husband, you end up in a happy,
healthy, safe place. It sounds like you're on the right track, so
just keep following it.
-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

You both make good points. We who live with alcoholics must walk a
fine line between enabling, detaching with love, or detaching with
anger. I am sure Kai doesn't want him to drink & drive, but is
calling the police necessary? Maybe the compromise would be for her
to go outside & remove the keys from the car. That would leave him in
the car but remove the possibility of him driving it & hurting himself
or someone else. Kai would be protecting herself but not helping him.
-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

> Maybe the compromise would be for her
> to go outside & remove the keys from the car. That would leave him in
> the car but remove the possibility of him driving it & hurting himself
> or someone else. Kai would be protecting herself but not helping him.
> -----
> Kim/Dreamspinner3
> Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/

that idea sounds like a big step backward to me. i got the feeling she was
over managing his alcoholism.

-steve

"[[]]" <[[]]@[[]].com> wrote in message
news:dHpbf.2346$ox5.1379@fe37.usenetserver.com...
> > Maybe the compromise would be for her
> > to go outside & remove the keys from the car. That would leave him
in
> > the car but remove the possibility of him driving it & hurting
himself
> > or someone else. Kai would be protecting herself but not helping
him.
> > -----
> > Kim/Dreamspinner3
> > Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
>
> that idea sounds like a big step backward to me. i got the feeling she
was
> over managing his alcoholism.
>
> -steve

Would an alcholic who wants to drive after drinking always warmly
welcome someone's attempts to stop him or her doing what they wanted to
do. May some such persons respond sometimes with more than hurled verbal
abuse ?

Sheenah

stuart wrote:

>
> Your hubby is one lucky SOB. You been at this two years now? I never got
> that kind of boozing lease term in my marriage before I got turfed. Are you
> really sure you aren't a drama junkie? Just kidding...
> You say you aren't going outside? Why not actually do him a favor and get
> the cops to drag him downtown? Maybe a night in the drunk tank might just
> give his self-esteem a tiny kick in the balls that might motivate him to
> actually do something about his alcoholism.
>
> I oughtta be in ALANON
> Tough Lover, Stewie...
>
>

Wow. Thanks, I guess. One question, though. How would my making
a bad situation worse by involving the police lessen the "drama"?

I can see all sorts of bad things coming from a move like that.
For me, the choice I made was anti-dramatic. Now if he had made
the (bad) choice to move it out of park and had been picked up,
well that would be a genuine consequence don't you think? And one
I had absolutely no part in.

If he wishes to get motivated to do something about his problem, it
must come from himself, not scenarios engineered by me.

Kai