Hello people:

First off, I want to thank everyone here for their genunine support. I
really want to be sober and alive and this Thursday I will attend my first
meeting. I'll go just to sit and listen, but I'll keep from speaking for
now. I just want to soak in the atmosphere.

Anyway, I had a friend (who is not really a friend anymore) who drank every
chance he'd get. As soon as he'd get home from work he'd crack open a beer.
On the weekends he would drink until he couldn't stand anymore. He was
unhealthy, always tired, out of shape, and I had basically sat by and
watched him go into a downward spiral. Maybe that doesn't make me such a
good friend but at one point I had made mention to him about his drinking
when I told him I was considering quitting for good. It almost became World
War III when I made the suggestion that he should quit because to him he
didn't have a problem. I was told to mind my own business and that there's
nothing that he was doing to me that was hurting me. But there was...

I attempted to quit. I made an effort. I stayed off of the booze for a
period of 3 weeks before I ended up back on the wagon. My sobriety irritated
him so much that he would try to set me up with a beer every time he would
go out to the fridge. On one weekend night during that small period of
sobriety, he decided he was going to irritate me to no end and blast his
music to the wee hours of the morning while he would hotbox beers one after
the other. I don't know what his effort was for that, other than he was
acting like a total adolescent (this guy is now almost 40, at that point he
was around 35). Granted, this guy wanted to have everyone around him doing
whatever he was doing (which was usually drinking) or he didn't want to
hang. With all that said and done, he doesn't live with me anymore THANK
GOD! He moved pretty far away from me and we don't really keep in contact
with each other other than the occasional (once every three months) instant
message. This time, I'm sobering up without him around and I believe I'll
have a much better time sobering than when I was living with this jerk.

Now granted this guy was a total idiot, but to me it seems I could draw a
conclusion that he was a problem drinker if not an alcoholic. Not only
that, he's a very condescending alcoholic. I'm just wondering if the next
time I do have some sort of contact with the guy that I might intervene him
about his drinking? Maybe this could point him in a better direction and I
think I could be friends with him too if he would make the move and decide
to go down a better path.

I don't know. Advice? Anyone?

DC

Montgomery BOO...URNS wrote:

> I'm just wondering if the next time I do have some sort of
> contact with the guy that I might intervene him about his
> drinking? Maybe this could point him in a better direction
> and I think I could be friends with him too if he would make
> the move and decide to go down a better path.

> I don't know. Advice? Anyone?

That's called Two Stepping -- trying to go directly from the First
to the Twelfth Step without touching any bases between. It is often
attempted but very rarely successful for either party. Not a good
idea.

Would it be better if 3 months on down the road I would say something to him
along the lines of "Hey, just to let you know that I've been sober for 3
months" and leave it at that? Let him make his own decision!

"David M" <dhmce@insightbb.com> wrote in message
news:3nkc0bF1ve3aU1@individual.net...
> Montgomery BOO...URNS wrote:
>
>> I'm just wondering if the next time I do have some sort of
>> contact with the guy that I might intervene him about his
>> drinking? Maybe this could point him in a better direction
>> and I think I could be friends with him too if he would make
>> the move and decide to go down a better path.
>
>> I don't know. Advice? Anyone?
>
> That's called Two Stepping -- trying to go directly from the First
> to the Twelfth Step without touching any bases between. It is often
> attempted but very rarely successful for either party. Not a good
> idea.
>
>

"David M" <dhmce@insightbb.com> wrote in message
news:3nkc0bF1ve3aU1@individual.net...
> Montgomery BOO...URNS wrote:
>
>> I'm just wondering if the next time I do have some sort of
>> contact with the guy that I might intervene him about his
>> drinking? Maybe this could point him in a better direction
>> and I think I could be friends with him too if he would make
>> the move and decide to go down a better path.
>
>> I don't know. Advice? Anyone?
>
> That's called Two Stepping -- trying to go directly from the First
> to the Twelfth Step without touching any bases between. It is often
> attempted but very rarely successful for either party. Not a good
> idea.
>
>

....and sorry for top posting! My bad!! **slap slap**

Montgomery BOO...URNS wrote:

> Would it be better if 3 months on down the road I would
> say something to him along the lines of "Hey, just to let
> you know that I've been sober for 3 months" and leave it
> at that? Let him make his own decision!

Yes. And (but only if he expresses interest) be prepared to tell
him how you did it without insisting he has to do it the same way.

Do you "wanta be friends" with condescending idiot
who treats you like shit, or a drunken, condescending idiot
who treats you like shit ?

*Recovery* to me means learning to remove myself from situations
that disturb me,

Recite the serenity pray when in doubt.

"Montgomery BOO...URNS" > First off, I want to thank everyone here for their
genunine support. I
> really want to be sober and alive and this Thursday I will attend my first
> meeting. I'll go just to sit and listen, but I'll keep from speaking for
> now. I just want to soak in the atmosphere.
>
> Anyway, I had a friend (who is not really a friend anymore) who drank
> every chance he'd get.
Hi Monty,
I suggest you concentrate on yourself and forget about this friend. Real
friends, true friends, whatever you want to call them, come around in the
end. One of the downsides of getting sober was that I lost my best friend.
But when push came to shove, I'd rather be sober. I have a good friend who
sometimes finds it a bit tedious that I don't drink, but our friendship is
strong and she respects my decision not to drink. I don't lecture anyone on
the joys of being sober; remember the old adage - "There is none so prudish
as the reformed whore". Friends trying to show their friends the light are
mostly wasting their time - and you both end up being annoyed with each
other. The only one who can find the light is yourself.

Deb

On 30 Aug 2005 20:25:53 -0700, "Been There, Got a mug"
<smappersmapper@yahoo.com> wrote:

>Do you "wanta be friends" with condescending idiot
>who treats you like shit, or a drunken, condescending idiot
>who treats you like shit ?
>
>*Recovery* to me means learning to remove myself from situations
>that disturb me,
>
> Recite the serenity pray when in doubt.

yeah, think i'll go wash this newsgroup off my feet