For the past 22 years, I've lived with a gentleman who's confined to a
wheelchair because he's a quadraplegic and who's also 25 years older
than I am. We met as a result of him advertising for a live-in
housekeeper/companion after his first wife had died. When we met he
was earning his living and also campaigning to improve the lives of
disabled people. As a result of what he did we did a lot of travelling
within the UK. In 1992, we married, My husband has long since retired
from work and these days his state of health greatly restricts what he
can do.

Eight years after I began working for this gentleman he had health
problems - including a nervous breakdown - which forced him into
having to spend several months at a time in hospital each year for the
next four years. While he was in hospital I'd travel up every day
early in the morning and leave for home late every night in order to
give him throughout the day, physical and emotional support. On each
occasion that he returned home, again I became his sole
carer/chauffeur/housekeeper and office help.

In 1994, when this gentleman/my husband left hospital for the last
time, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Also, I was having
thoughts that as we both grew older, further changes in his health and
physical condition would result in him having to make increasing
demands on me and changes in mine would mean that I wouldn't be able
to manage the extra work. I used my thoughts/fears about our future as
an excuse to change my drinking habits.

In addition to continuing to drink wine with my husband with our
evening meal, I began to drink secretly while he was up and also after
he had gone to bed. I drank mainly wine, cheap and expensive sherry,
strong cider and liqueurs. Occasionally, I drank vodka. Before long I
was making excuses to go for a walk up to three times a day in order
to buy each time I went out cheap sherry and/or strong cider to drink
at any time I needed "topping up". Soon, I was regularly visiting my
doctor with complaints about feeling unwell and feeling unable to
cope. He thought me in need of anti-depressants, which I took whilst
continuing to drink. When I decided that these anti-depressants
weren't doing me any good, I stopped taking them but continued to ask
my doctor for them and was prescribed them.

I don't remember when it was that I first told my doctor about my
drinking. However, certainly I did so after having on more than one
occasion ended an evening's drinking slumped on the floor in our
darkened living room or kitchen with my husband asleep in bed, with
anti-depressants piled up in front of me, an almost empty bottle of
cheap sherry next to me and a sharp kitchen knife pressed against my
wrist, feeling afraid that I wouldn't die quickly; thinking that no
human who knew me would greatly miss me and worrying about the effect
my death would have on my pet cats' future. My doctor sent me to see a
psychiatrist who gave me Antabuse after I had convinced him that I was
wanting to stop drinking; put me in touch with a community psychiatric
nurse and a professional drugs/alcohol councillor and suggested I went
to AA. I went to only one AA meeting. For almost 8 years afterwards I
did not drink nor did I bother to learn anything abut alcoholism.

In 2002, I thought that having not drunk alcohol for almost 8 years, I
had proved myself well able to control my drinking and therefore, if I
started drinking again I'd be able to stay in control of it. LOL. Four
months after starting to drink again I was telling myself and my
doctor that I ought to again stop. Six months later, finally I stopped
saying "I ought to quit drinking" took the decision to quit and went
looking for help to stay quit. AA folk have been the most help to me.

Today, it's just over 16 months since I stopped drinking and some 14
months since I started going regularly to AA meetings, working the
Steps and getting help from a Sponsor.

These days when I stay focused only on the day in hand; remember that
tiredness makes life seem worse; remember the Serenity Prayer;
remember to try to find ways to quickly rid myself of resentments,
frustrations and feeling of self-pity that I get from time to time;
remember to ask my HP to give me strength to cope with whatever I have
to during the day; remember to keep contact with AA folk, remember to
make use of the 12 Steps and remember to not drink, then I am well
able to deal with the consequences of my husband's disabilities,
increasing frailness and declining health. For giving me the knowledge
and tools that make it possible for me to be able to cope with my home
life I am happy to say: "Thank you AA"

JB

Thanks for sharing. AA never ceases to amaze me. I've only been going to AA
for 7 months, but I can honestly say I've found some kind of identity with
every alcoholic I've met. I can identify with your share too. I first
realised that I had a serious drinking problem around 9 years ago. For a few
years, I drifted in and out of rehab before cleaning up my act and had 6
years of sobriety. During this period, like you, I didn't bother finding out
any more about alcoholism. I guess I just consider myself as someone who
shouldn't drink. I survived purely on willpower. Then, earlier this year, I
relapsed. Not sure why. Perhaps I thought I desrved a break from sobriety.
How wrong could I be. Within 2 months of starting drinking, I was back to
where I was 6 years earlier. Towards the end of my lastest binge, I called
AA for the first time. I was paralytic and was blubbered down the the phone
that I couldn't stop drinking. A few days after that, I was admitted to
hospital with a drinking-related problem (stomach ulcers) and was forced
into not drinking. I spent a week recovering and, the day after being
released from hospital, went to my first AA meeting. I haven't touched a
drop since.

--
J



JB wrote:
> For the past 22 years, I've lived with a gentleman who's confined to a
> wheelchair because he's a quadraplegic and who's also 25 years older
> than I am. We met as a result of him advertising for a live-in
> housekeeper/companion after his first wife had died. When we met he
> was earning his living and also campaigning to improve the lives of
> disabled people. As a result of what he did we did a lot of travelling
> within the UK. In 1992, we married, My husband has long since retired
> from work and these days his state of health greatly restricts what he
> can do.
>
> Eight years after I began working for this gentleman he had health
> problems - including a nervous breakdown - which forced him into
> having to spend several months at a time in hospital each year for the
> next four years. While he was in hospital I'd travel up every day
> early in the morning and leave for home late every night in order to
> give him throughout the day, physical and emotional support. On each
> occasion that he returned home, again I became his sole
> carer/chauffeur/housekeeper and office help.
>
> In 1994, when this gentleman/my husband left hospital for the last
> time, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Also, I was having
> thoughts that as we both grew older, further changes in his health and
> physical condition would result in him having to make increasing
> demands on me and changes in mine would mean that I wouldn't be able
> to manage the extra work. I used my thoughts/fears about our future as
> an excuse to change my drinking habits.
>
> In addition to continuing to drink wine with my husband with our
> evening meal, I began to drink secretly while he was up and also after
> he had gone to bed. I drank mainly wine, cheap and expensive sherry,
> strong cider and liqueurs. Occasionally, I drank vodka. Before long I
> was making excuses to go for a walk up to three times a day in order
> to buy each time I went out cheap sherry and/or strong cider to drink
> at any time I needed "topping up". Soon, I was regularly visiting my
> doctor with complaints about feeling unwell and feeling unable to
> cope. He thought me in need of anti-depressants, which I took whilst
> continuing to drink. When I decided that these anti-depressants
> weren't doing me any good, I stopped taking them but continued to ask
> my doctor for them and was prescribed them.
>
> I don't remember when it was that I first told my doctor about my
> drinking. However, certainly I did so after having on more than one
> occasion ended an evening's drinking slumped on the floor in our
> darkened living room or kitchen with my husband asleep in bed, with
> anti-depressants piled up in front of me, an almost empty bottle of
> cheap sherry next to me and a sharp kitchen knife pressed against my
> wrist, feeling afraid that I wouldn't die quickly; thinking that no
> human who knew me would greatly miss me and worrying about the effect
> my death would have on my pet cats' future. My doctor sent me to see a
> psychiatrist who gave me Antabuse after I had convinced him that I was
> wanting to stop drinking; put me in touch with a community psychiatric
> nurse and a professional drugs/alcohol councillor and suggested I went
> to AA. I went to only one AA meeting. For almost 8 years afterwards I
> did not drink nor did I bother to learn anything abut alcoholism.
>
> In 2002, I thought that having not drunk alcohol for almost 8 years, I
> had proved myself well able to control my drinking and therefore, if I
> started drinking again I'd be able to stay in control of it. LOL. Four
> months after starting to drink again I was telling myself and my
> doctor that I ought to again stop. Six months later, finally I stopped
> saying "I ought to quit drinking" took the decision to quit and went
> looking for help to stay quit. AA folk have been the most help to me.
>
> Today, it's just over 16 months since I stopped drinking and some 14
> months since I started going regularly to AA meetings, working the
> Steps and getting help from a Sponsor.
>
> These days when I stay focused only on the day in hand; remember that
> tiredness makes life seem worse; remember the Serenity Prayer;
> remember to try to find ways to quickly rid myself of resentments,
> frustrations and feeling of self-pity that I get from time to time;
> remember to ask my HP to give me strength to cope with whatever I have
> to during the day; remember to keep contact with AA folk, remember to
> make use of the 12 Steps and remember to not drink, then I am well
> able to deal with the consequences of my husband's disabilities,
> increasing frailness and declining health. For giving me the knowledge
> and tools that make it possible for me to be able to cope with my home
> life I am happy to say: "Thank you AA"
>
> JB

"J" <welshalky@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:41b29896@news.greennet.net...
> Thanks for sharing. AA never ceases to amaze me. I've only been
going to AA
> for 7 months, but I can honestly say I've found some kind of
identity with
> every alcoholic I've met. I can identify with your share too. I
first
> realised that I had a serious drinking problem around 9 years ago.
For a few
> years, I drifted in and out of rehab before cleaning up my act and
had 6
> years of sobriety. During this period, like you, I didn't bother
finding out
> any more about alcoholism. I guess I just consider myself as someone
who
> shouldn't drink. I survived purely on willpower. Then, earlier this
year, I
> relapsed. Not sure why. Perhaps I thought I desrved a break from
sobriety.
> How wrong could I be. Within 2 months of starting drinking, I was
back to
> where I was 6 years earlier. Towards the end of my lastest binge, I
called
> AA for the first time. I was paralytic and was blubbered down the
the phone
> that I couldn't stop drinking. A few days after that, I was admitted
to
> hospital with a drinking-related problem (stomach ulcers) and was
forced
> into not drinking. I spent a week recovering and, the day after
being
> released from hospital, went to my first AA meeting. I haven't
touched a
> drop since.
>
> --
> J

Hi J,

Many thanks for your share. I'm glad to hear that you've been finding
AA helpful to you.

ATB

JB

"J" <welshalky@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:41b29896@news.greennet.net...
: Thanks for sharing. AA never ceases to amaze me. I've only been
going to AA
: for 7 months, but I can honestly say I've found some kind of
identity with
: every alcoholic I've met.


that is one of the most important things i learned in my early
sobriety.
"go in looking for the similarities!"
congrats to you J and thanks for sharing!

"JB" <JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote in message
news:corvt3$u0t$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
> For the past 22 years, I've lived with a gentleman who's confined to a
> wheelchair because he's a quadraplegic and who's also 25 years older
> than I am. We met as a result of him advertising for a live-in
> housekeeper/companion after his first wife had died. When we met he
> was earning his living and also campaigning to improve the lives of
> disabled people. As a result of what he did we did a lot of travelling
> within the UK. In 1992, we married, My husband has long since retired
> from work and these days his state of health greatly restricts what he
> can do.
>
> Eight years after I began working for this gentleman he had health
> problems - including a nervous breakdown - which forced him into
> having to spend several months at a time in hospital each year for the
> next four years. While he was in hospital I'd travel up every day
> early in the morning and leave for home late every night in order to
> give him throughout the day, physical and emotional support. On each
> occasion that he returned home, again I became his sole
> carer/chauffeur/housekeeper and office help.
>
> In 1994, when this gentleman/my husband left hospital for the last
> time, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Also, I was having
> thoughts that as we both grew older, further changes in his health and
> physical condition would result in him having to make increasing
> demands on me and changes in mine would mean that I wouldn't be able
> to manage the extra work. I used my thoughts/fears about our future as
> an excuse to change my drinking habits.
>
> In addition to continuing to drink wine with my husband with our
> evening meal, I began to drink secretly while he was up and also after
> he had gone to bed. I drank mainly wine, cheap and expensive sherry,
> strong cider and liqueurs. Occasionally, I drank vodka. Before long I
> was making excuses to go for a walk up to three times a day in order
> to buy each time I went out cheap sherry and/or strong cider to drink
> at any time I needed "topping up". Soon, I was regularly visiting my
> doctor with complaints about feeling unwell and feeling unable to
> cope. He thought me in need of anti-depressants, which I took whilst
> continuing to drink. When I decided that these anti-depressants
> weren't doing me any good, I stopped taking them but continued to ask
> my doctor for them and was prescribed them.
>
> I don't remember when it was that I first told my doctor about my
> drinking. However, certainly I did so after having on more than one
> occasion ended an evening's drinking slumped on the floor in our
> darkened living room or kitchen with my husband asleep in bed, with
> anti-depressants piled up in front of me, an almost empty bottle of
> cheap sherry next to me and a sharp kitchen knife pressed against my
> wrist, feeling afraid that I wouldn't die quickly; thinking that no
> human who knew me would greatly miss me and worrying about the effect
> my death would have on my pet cats' future. My doctor sent me to see a
> psychiatrist who gave me Antabuse after I had convinced him that I was
> wanting to stop drinking; put me in touch with a community psychiatric
> nurse and a professional drugs/alcohol councillor and suggested I went
> to AA. I went to only one AA meeting. For almost 8 years afterwards I
> did not drink nor did I bother to learn anything abut alcoholism.
>
> In 2002, I thought that having not drunk alcohol for almost 8 years, I
> had proved myself well able to control my drinking and therefore, if I
> started drinking again I'd be able to stay in control of it. LOL. Four
> months after starting to drink again I was telling myself and my
> doctor that I ought to again stop. Six months later, finally I stopped
> saying "I ought to quit drinking" took the decision to quit and went
> looking for help to stay quit. AA folk have been the most help to me.
>
> Today, it's just over 16 months since I stopped drinking and some 14
> months since I started going regularly to AA meetings, working the
> Steps and getting help from a Sponsor.
>
> These days when I stay focused only on the day in hand; remember that
> tiredness makes life seem worse; remember the Serenity Prayer;
> remember to try to find ways to quickly rid myself of resentments,
> frustrations and feeling of self-pity that I get from time to time;
> remember to ask my HP to give me strength to cope with whatever I have
> to during the day; remember to keep contact with AA folk, remember to
> make use of the 12 Steps and remember to not drink, then I am well
> able to deal with the consequences of my husband's disabilities,
> increasing frailness and declining health. For giving me the knowledge
> and tools that make it possible for me to be able to cope with my home
> life I am happy to say: "Thank you AA"
>
> JB
>
JB
Thanks for sharing. Like Odd Rodd, a member of my home group who is a Very
Large biker type (he will have 15 years this Tuesday), would say-"Now give
it another day"
Peace
John

Thanks JB
"JB" <JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote in message
news:corvt3$u0t$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
> For the past 22 years, I've lived with a gentleman who's confined to a
> wheelchair because he's a quadraplegic and who's also 25 years older
> than I am. We met as a result of him advertising for a live-in
> housekeeper/companion after his first wife had died. When we met he
> was earning his living and also campaigning to improve the lives of
> disabled people. As a result of what he did we did a lot of travelling
> within the UK. In 1992, we married, My husband has long since retired
> from work and these days his state of health greatly restricts what he
> can do.
>
> Eight years after I began working for this gentleman he had health
> problems - including a nervous breakdown - which forced him into
> having to spend several months at a time in hospital each year for the
> next four years. While he was in hospital I'd travel up every day
> early in the morning and leave for home late every night in order to
> give him throughout the day, physical and emotional support. On each
> occasion that he returned home, again I became his sole
> carer/chauffeur/housekeeper and office help.
>
> In 1994, when this gentleman/my husband left hospital for the last
> time, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Also, I was having
> thoughts that as we both grew older, further changes in his health and
> physical condition would result in him having to make increasing
> demands on me and changes in mine would mean that I wouldn't be able
> to manage the extra work. I used my thoughts/fears about our future as
> an excuse to change my drinking habits.
>
> In addition to continuing to drink wine with my husband with our
> evening meal, I began to drink secretly while he was up and also after
> he had gone to bed. I drank mainly wine, cheap and expensive sherry,
> strong cider and liqueurs. Occasionally, I drank vodka. Before long I
> was making excuses to go for a walk up to three times a day in order
> to buy each time I went out cheap sherry and/or strong cider to drink
> at any time I needed "topping up". Soon, I was regularly visiting my
> doctor with complaints about feeling unwell and feeling unable to
> cope. He thought me in need of anti-depressants, which I took whilst
> continuing to drink. When I decided that these anti-depressants
> weren't doing me any good, I stopped taking them but continued to ask
> my doctor for them and was prescribed them.
>
> I don't remember when it was that I first told my doctor about my
> drinking. However, certainly I did so after having on more than one
> occasion ended an evening's drinking slumped on the floor in our
> darkened living room or kitchen with my husband asleep in bed, with
> anti-depressants piled up in front of me, an almost empty bottle of
> cheap sherry next to me and a sharp kitchen knife pressed against my
> wrist, feeling afraid that I wouldn't die quickly; thinking that no
> human who knew me would greatly miss me and worrying about the effect
> my death would have on my pet cats' future. My doctor sent me to see a
> psychiatrist who gave me Antabuse after I had convinced him that I was
> wanting to stop drinking; put me in touch with a community psychiatric
> nurse and a professional drugs/alcohol councillor and suggested I went
> to AA. I went to only one AA meeting. For almost 8 years afterwards I
> did not drink nor did I bother to learn anything abut alcoholism.
>
> In 2002, I thought that having not drunk alcohol for almost 8 years, I
> had proved myself well able to control my drinking and therefore, if I
> started drinking again I'd be able to stay in control of it. LOL. Four
> months after starting to drink again I was telling myself and my
> doctor that I ought to again stop. Six months later, finally I stopped
> saying "I ought to quit drinking" took the decision to quit and went
> looking for help to stay quit. AA folk have been the most help to me.
>
> Today, it's just over 16 months since I stopped drinking and some 14
> months since I started going regularly to AA meetings, working the
> Steps and getting help from a Sponsor.
>
> These days when I stay focused only on the day in hand; remember that
> tiredness makes life seem worse; remember the Serenity Prayer;
> remember to try to find ways to quickly rid myself of resentments,
> frustrations and feeling of self-pity that I get from time to time;
> remember to ask my HP to give me strength to cope with whatever I have
> to during the day; remember to keep contact with AA folk, remember to
> make use of the 12 Steps and remember to not drink, then I am well
> able to deal with the consequences of my husband's disabilities,
> increasing frailness and declining health. For giving me the knowledge
> and tools that make it possible for me to be able to cope with my home
> life I am happy to say: "Thank you AA"
>
> JB
>
>
>