The Narcissist’s Reaction to Deficient Narcissistic Supply
(faq page 28)

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communit...ism/faq28.html

http://www2.cddc.vt.edu/gutenberg/etext03/malsl10h.htm

Question:

How does the narcissist react when not in receipt of sufficient
Narcissistic Supply?

Answer:

Very much as a drug addict would react to the absence of his
particular drug. The narcissist constantly consumes (really, preys
upon) adoration, admiration, approval, applause, attention and
other forms of Narcissistic Supply. When lacking or deficient, a
Narcissistic Deficiency Dysphoria sets in. The narcissist looks
depressed, his movements slow down, his sleep patterns are
disturbed (he either sleeps too much or becomes insomniac), his
eating patterns change (he gorges on food or is unable even to
look at it). He is be constantly dysphoric (sad), anhedonic (finds
no interest in the world, no pleasure in anything or in any of his
former pursuits and interests). He is subjected to violent mood
swings (mainly rage attacks) and all his (visible and painful)
efforts at self-control fail. He may compulsively and ritually
resort to an alternative addiction – alcohol, drugs, reading. This
constitutes a futile effort of the narcissist both to escape his
predicament – and to sublimate his aggressive urges. His whole
behaviour seems constrained, artificial, full of effort and toil.
The narcissist gradually turns more and more mechanical, detached,
unreal. His thoughts constantly wander or become obsessive and
repetitive, his speech may falter, he appears to be far away, in a
world of his narcissistic fantasies, where Narcissistic Supply is
aplenty. He withdraws from this painful world which knows not how
to appreciate his greatness, special skills and talents,
potential, or achievements. The narcissist thus ceases to bestow
himself upon a cruel universe, punishing it for its shortcomings,
its inability to realise how unique the narcissist is. A schizoid
mode sets in: the narcissist isolates himself, a hermit in the
kingdom of his hurt. He minimises his social interactions and uses
"messengers" to communicate with the outside. Devoid of energy,
the narcissist can no longer pretend or succumb to social
conventions. His former compliance gives way to open withdrawal (a
rebellion of sorts). His former smiles are transformed to frowns,
courtesy becomes rudeness, emphasised etiquette used as a weapon,
an outlet of aggression, an act of violence.

The narcissist, blinded by pain, seeks to restore his balance, to
take another sip of the narcissistic nectar. In his quest, the
narcissist turns to and upon those nearest to him. His real
attitude emerges: for him, they are but tools, one-dimensional
instruments on the path to gratification, Sources of Supply or
pimps of such supply, catering to his narcissistic lusts. He
regards them as shallow, no longer functioning objects. In his
wrath, he tries to mend them by forcing them to perform again, to
function. This is coupled with horrendous and torrential
self-flagellation, a deservedly self-inflicted punishment, or so
the narcissist feels. In extreme cases of deprivation, the
narcissist may entertain suicidal thoughts, this is how deeply he
loathes his self and his condition.

Through all this, the narcissist is beset by a pervading sense of
nostalgia. It is a malignant variety, harking back to a past,
which never existed except in the thwarted grandiosity of the
narcissist. The longer the lack of Narcissistic Supply, the more
this past is glorified, re-written, missed and mourned. This
serves to enhance all the other negative feelings. Put together,
it already amounts to what might be clinically described as
depression. The narcissist then glides into the shores of
paranoia. From his mental closet, he draws a model of a
prosecuting world, incorporating in it those around him and events
in his recent life. This gives meaning to what is erroneously
perceived by the narcissist as a sudden shift from over supply to
under or to no supply (such over and under valuations are typical
of him). The apparent diminishing of the Narcissistic Supply is
best explained by a theory of conspiracy. The narcissist then – in
pain, in despair, in fear – embarks upon an orgy of
self-destruction intended to generate "alternative Supply Sources"
(attention) at any cost. The narcissist is poised to commit the
ultimate narcissistic act: self-destruction in the service of
self-aggrandisement.

When deprived of Narcissistic Supply – primary AND secondary – the
narcissist feels annulled. It feels much like being hollowed out,
mentally disembowelled or watching oneself die. It is evaporation,
disintegration into molecules of terrified anguish, helplessly and
inexorably.

Without Narcissistic Supply – the narcissist crumbles, like the
zombies or the vampires one sees in horror movies. It is
terrifying and the narcissist will do anything to avoid it. Think
about the narcissist as a drug addict. His withdrawal symptoms are
identical: delusions, physiological effects, irritability,
emotional lability.

Narcissists often experience brief, decompensatory psychotic
episodes when their psyche is disassembled – either deliberately
in therapy or following a life-crisis accompanied by a major
narcissistic injury.

These psychotic episodes may be closely allied to another feature
of narcissism: magical thinking. Narcissists are like children in
this sense. Many, for instance, fully believe in two things: that
whatever happens – they will prevail and that good things will
always happen to them. It is more than a belief, really.
Narcissists just KNOW it, the same way one knows gravity –
directly, immediately and surely.

The narcissist believes that, no matter what he does, he will
always be forgiven, always prevail and triumph, always come on
top. The narcissist is, therefore, fearless in a manner perceived
by others to be both admirable and insane. He attributes to
himself divine and cosmic immunity – he cloaks myself in it, it
renders him invisible to his enemies and to the powers of "evil".
It is a childish phantasmagoria – but to the narcissist it is very
real.

The narcissist knows with religious certainty that good things
will happen to him. With equal certitude, the more self-aware of
them know that they will squander their good fortune time and
again in a bedevilled effort to defeat themselves.

So, no matter what serendipity, what lucky circumstance, what
blessing the narcissist receives – he always strives with blind
fury to deflect them, to deform and to ruin.