Hi. My name's Cashew (yes, I consider myself a nut) and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm 33 and have been drinking since the age of about 16. My daily intake was
around 2-3 bottles of wine (more if I finished that and the off licence was
still open). I had a life changing spiritual experience using psychedelic
mushrooms on July 17th and haven't had a drink since.

I thought I had it sussed. My mental and physical health improved immensely
as did my broken relationships with my friends and family.

Yesterday I met up with an old school friend / drinking buddy I haven't seen
for months. It was a normal thing for us to go out to the local for a few
beers and a take-away.

My alcoholic mind returned. I began to justify a 'night off' being
alcoholic! One night won't hurt etc. It was like someone had flipped a
switch in my brain whereby I felt I was entitled to go 'socialise' like
other people. My friend, knowing my situation was great in that he manage to
perusade me it was a bad idea. So, we had a quiet night in.. watched TV and
went to bed sober.

This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans. How could
I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have been through!?!
How do you deal with encounters like this?

cashew wrote:
|| Hi. My name's Cashew (yes, I consider myself a nut) and I'm an
|| alcoholic. I'm 33 and have been drinking since the age of about 16.
|| My daily intake was around 2-3 bottles of wine (more if I finished
|| that and the off licence was still open). I had a life changing
|| spiritual experience using psychedelic mushrooms on July 17th and
|| haven't had a drink since.
||
|| I thought I had it sussed. My mental and physical health improved
|| immensely as did my broken relationships with my friends and family.
||
|| Yesterday I met up with an old school friend / drinking buddy I
|| haven't seen for months. It was a normal thing for us to go out to
|| the local for a few beers and a take-away.
||
|| My alcoholic mind returned. I began to justify a 'night off' being
|| alcoholic! One night won't hurt etc. It was like someone had flipped
|| a switch in my brain whereby I felt I was entitled to go 'socialise'
|| like other people. My friend, knowing my situation was great in that
|| he manage to perusade me it was a bad idea. So, we had a quiet night
|| in.. watched TV and went to bed sober.
||
|| This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans.
|| How could I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have
|| been through!?! How do you deal with encounters like this?

Because you have NOT HAD A life-changing spiritual experience!!!! You have
conned yourself into believing that you have had one, though. Sobriety
requires DAILY action. GO TO MEETINGS.

You have a VERY good friend there. Good luck.


"cashew" <cashew@softhome.net> wrote in message
news:ckc39d$2k2$1@sparta.btinternet.com...
> Hi. My name's Cashew (yes, I consider myself a nut) and I'm an alcoholic.
> I'm 33 and have been drinking since the age of about 16. My daily intake
was
> around 2-3 bottles of wine (more if I finished that and the off licence
was
> still open). I had a life changing spiritual experience using psychedelic
> mushrooms on July 17th and haven't had a drink since.
>
> I thought I had it sussed. My mental and physical health improved
immensely
> as did my broken relationships with my friends and family.
>
> Yesterday I met up with an old school friend / drinking buddy I haven't
seen
> for months. It was a normal thing for us to go out to the local for a few
> beers and a take-away.
>
> My alcoholic mind returned. I began to justify a 'night off' being
> alcoholic! One night won't hurt etc. It was like someone had flipped a
> switch in my brain whereby I felt I was entitled to go 'socialise' like
> other people. My friend, knowing my situation was great in that he manage
to
> perusade me it was a bad idea. So, we had a quiet night in.. watched TV
and
> went to bed sober.
>
> This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans. How
could
> I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have been through!?!
> How do you deal with encounters like this?
>
>
>

"cashew" <cashew@softhome.net> wrote in message
news:ckc39d$2k2$1@sparta.btinternet.com...
> Hi. My name's Cashew (yes, I consider myself a nut) and I'm an alcoholic.
> I'm 33 and have been drinking since the age of about 16. My daily intake
was
> around 2-3 bottles of wine (more if I finished that and the off licence
was
> still open). I had a life changing spiritual experience using psychedelic
> mushrooms on July 17th and haven't had a drink since.
>
> I thought I had it sussed. My mental and physical health improved
immensely
> as did my broken relationships with my friends and family.
>
> Yesterday I met up with an old school friend / drinking buddy I haven't
seen
> for months. It was a normal thing for us to go out to the local for a few
> beers and a take-away.
>
> My alcoholic mind returned. I began to justify a 'night off' being
> alcoholic! One night won't hurt etc. It was like someone had flipped a
> switch in my brain whereby I felt I was entitled to go 'socialise' like
> other people. My friend, knowing my situation was great in that he manage
to
> perusade me it was a bad idea. So, we had a quiet night in.. watched TV
and
> went to bed sober.
>
> This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans. How
could
> I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have been through!?!
> How do you deal with encounters like this?
>
>
Having thoughts about drinking and even going so far as to begin to
"justify" one drink or a day off from not drinking is quite normal for
someone who has quit drinking. Our desire to drink is extremely powerful and
continues to linger within us long after we have gotten and stayed sober.
You got lucky because your friend did not try to coax you into going out and
have some "fun". It is OK to say no if invited out and it is not all that
necessary to explain in some great detail why you choose to not go out and
"party". It helps to have a sponsor or some friends/confidants that you can
call at times like this to help your work through the situation.

dorsal wrote:
> cashew wrote:
> || Hi. My name's Cashew (yes, I consider myself a nut) and I'm an
> || alcoholic. I'm 33 and have been drinking since the age of about 16.
> || My daily intake was around 2-3 bottles of wine (more if I finished
> || that and the off licence was still open). I had a life changing
> || spiritual experience using psychedelic mushrooms on July 17th and
> || haven't had a drink since.
> ||
> || I thought I had it sussed. My mental and physical health improved
> || immensely as did my broken relationships with my friends and family.
> ||
> || Yesterday I met up with an old school friend / drinking buddy I
> || haven't seen for months. It was a normal thing for us to go out to
> || the local for a few beers and a take-away.
> ||
> || My alcoholic mind returned. I began to justify a 'night off' being
> || alcoholic! One night won't hurt etc. It was like someone had flipped
> || a switch in my brain whereby I felt I was entitled to go 'socialise'
> || like other people. My friend, knowing my situation was great in that
> || he manage to perusade me it was a bad idea. So, we had a quiet night
> || in.. watched TV and went to bed sober.
> ||
> || This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans.
> || How could I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have
> || been through!?! How do you deal with encounters like this?
>
> Because you have NOT HAD A life-changing spiritual experience!!!! You have
> conned yourself into believing that you have had one, though. Sobriety
> requires DAILY action. GO TO MEETINGS.

Wow, didn't know GOD monitored this list. Glad you straightend us out.

"dorsal" <dorsal@fin.com> wrote in message
news:HXgad.3437$Ia5.459@edtnps89...
> cashew wrote:
> || Hi. My name's Cashew (yes, I consider myself a nut) and I'm an
> || alcoholic. I'm 33 and have been drinking since the age of about 16.
> || My daily intake was around 2-3 bottles of wine (more if I finished
> || that and the off licence was still open). I had a life changing
> || spiritual experience using psychedelic mushrooms on July 17th and
> || haven't had a drink since.
> ||
> || I thought I had it sussed. My mental and physical health improved
> || immensely as did my broken relationships with my friends and family.
> ||
> || Yesterday I met up with an old school friend / drinking buddy I
> || haven't seen for months. It was a normal thing for us to go out to
> || the local for a few beers and a take-away.
> ||
> || My alcoholic mind returned. I began to justify a 'night off' being
> || alcoholic! One night won't hurt etc. It was like someone had flipped
> || a switch in my brain whereby I felt I was entitled to go 'socialise'
> || like other people. My friend, knowing my situation was great in that
> || he manage to perusade me it was a bad idea. So, we had a quiet night
> || in.. watched TV and went to bed sober.
> ||
> || This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans.
> || How could I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have
> || been through!?! How do you deal with encounters like this?
>
> Because you have NOT HAD A life-changing spiritual experience!!!! You have
> conned yourself into believing that you have had one, though. Sobriety
> requires DAILY action. GO TO MEETINGS.
>
>

Thanks for your reply.

I consider the realization of alcohol abuse, the stopping, the rebuilding of
my health and changing from agnostic to a spiritual faith, "life changing"
don't you?

Spiritual experiences *do* happen with psychedelics. Go meditate and ask
Bill W.

http://www.psychedelic-library.org/hoffer.htm

"cashew" <cashew@softhome.net> wrote in message
news:ckc39d$2k2$1@sparta.btinternet.com...
> This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans.
How could
> I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have been
through!?!
> How do you deal with encounters like this?
>
Accept that I have not yet recovered from alcoholism.

Continue doing what I have been in the hope that eventually, I shall.

Maybe find something to do that could take my mind off drinking.

Rarely beat myself up about having the occasional thought about
drinking.

Sometimes feel pleased with myself for not having drunk on my thought
about drinking.

JB

cashew wrote:

> This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans. How could
> I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have been through!?!
> How do you deal with encounters like this?

This reminded me of what my old sponsor used to tell me (though she was
*far* from "old"):

"I've never woken up the next day wishing I'd had that drink or drug
after all, but I've OFTEN woken up wishing I hadn't"

WHen I used to go through times of temptation, I'd try to keep those
words right up front. While I might regret having used (probably would,
at that), I have never once gotten up the next morning wishing I had
gotten hammered the night before....especially when I realize how much
better I feel without the resulting hangover.

Tara

> How do you deal with encounters like this?

seems to me Cashew, that you were right on target by coming here to share
this with other alcoholics. Do you have a sponsor with whom you've also
shared this story? Thanks for the gift of your story.

-Steve

cashew wrote:

> Hi. My name's Cashew (yes, I consider myself a nut) and I'm an alcoholic.
> I'm 33 and have been drinking since the age of about 16. My daily intake was
> around 2-3 bottles of wine (more if I finished that and the off licence was
> still open). I had a life changing spiritual experience using psychedelic
> mushrooms on July 17th and haven't had a drink since.
>
> I thought I had it sussed. My mental and physical health improved immensely
> as did my broken relationships with my friends and family.
>
> Yesterday I met up with an old school friend / drinking buddy I haven't seen
> for months. It was a normal thing for us to go out to the local for a few
> beers and a take-away.
>
> My alcoholic mind returned. I began to justify a 'night off' being
> alcoholic! One night won't hurt etc. It was like someone had flipped a
> switch in my brain whereby I felt I was entitled to go 'socialise' like
> other people. My friend, knowing my situation was great in that he manage to
> perusade me it was a bad idea. So, we had a quiet night in.. watched TV and
> went to bed sober.
>
> This morning I awoke feeling shocked guilty at last nights plans. How could
> I have come so close to drinking again despite all I have been through!?!
> How do you deal with encounters like this?
>

I thank my higher power for puting puting situations and people in my
life as gentle reminders when I choose to forget.

A couple of years sober found me attending a military leadership school.
It was 8 weeks long and at a base in North Carolina (I was stationed
in MA at the time). Since the school ended near our anniversary, my
wife and I were planning a trip to Niagra Falls for a little "us" time.
While booking the suite I found out it included a fruit basket and a
bottle of wine. I had just about convinced myself that it would be OK
to drink the wine since it would be just the two of us in a hotel room
and it wasn't that much alcohol after all, when my roommate brought in
some beer and offered me one.
At the begining of the school my room mate had brought in some beers and
I had had to explain to him that I don't drink.
About a week after I had decided it would be OK to drink the wine, we
were cleaning up our room and he asked me why I couldn't have just one
beer. I started telling him how it was that first drink that made all
the others possible. How I had never been able to reliably control my
drinking after I had started and so the only to guarantee I wouldn't get
drunk was to not take that first drink.
As I was talking to him I realized what a mistake I was about to make.
You see, we usually already know what we need to hear. At meetings I
generally hear it. This particular occasion my Higher Power knew I
wasn't gonna get it anywhere else so he araigned for me to hear form myself.
Luckily, I got it and left the wine alone (although my wife enjoyed half
a glass)
How do I handle moments like these? I thank my Higher Power for helping
me through a moment of human weakness and try to learn from them. Try
to remember these lessons in the future and draw strength from them
during subsequent moments of weakness (they will happen).
Congratualtions on making it through and good luck in the future.

Joe