In the thread: "I am developing resentments to many AA members",
Chris wrote:

"macster" <macsterx@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:061020041437555912%macsterx@hotmail.com...
> An alcoholic has no place for anger or resentments and this outlet
has
> truely been a great release.
>
> -Chris

I find it impossible to believe that alcoholics can live free of
anger. To be able to do so, would mean them achieving something that
even Jesus couldn't :^)

http://www.rationalchristianity.net/jesus_angry.html

At this website: http://www.jesussaves.cc/anger.htm it's suggested
that anger becomes a problem only when it is uncontrolled and
reacted to in the wrong way.

We discussed anger and resentments at the AA meeting I went to
yesterday. It is a frequently discussed subject :^)

I have never had trouble finding someone or something to be angry at
:^) In the past often when I became angry, rarely could I deal with
it by feeling angry for only a short time. Instead, I tended to
frequently replay - sometimes many times a day for days on end -
whatever it was that had made me mad and by so doing kept
my anger going. Sometimes, I could have anger caused by different
events on the go at the same time :^) Sometimes, weeks later, when
some new event had got me angry, if it involved people for example who
had previously made me angry, I could again relive the earlier events
in which they had been involved and again live the anger that past
event had caused me to feel.

When I was drinking, I could - and often did - use alcohol to try to
shut down my mind in order to get a break from feeling angry.
Unfortunately, when the effects of the alcohol wore of, often, the
break was over.

Since being in recovery, anger no longer has as much control over my
life as it once did. This is because I have learnt new ways of
dealing with what may be an inherent (?) aspect of human nature.

These days, sometimes, when I'm in a situation that I could respond
angrily to, instead of getting immediately angry, I'll say sometimes
out loud: "OK HP, I see you've decided to see how far you can push me
today. No probs. I'm up to the challenge :^)". Or, I'll say "OK
HP, please give me the strength to get through this" and then I'll
take further steps which I know from experience could have the effect
of either immediately calming me down or gradually calming me down.

Sometimes, my anger controls me for a little while, sometimes at
inappropriate moments :^) For example, I can get angry with my old
cat Thalia for messing on the carpet even though I know that she is
not doing this simply to annoy me but because she is ill. Similarly,
I can angry with my husband when he genuinely *needs* attention at the
same time that I'm doing something for myself, which, may not be
something that I *need* to do at that moment and therefore could
easily put off doing. What I've just said reminds me that I ought to
continue trying to not let my anger come out in situations that I
believe are inappropriate ones for it to be on display. For it to be
on display at such times is, maybe, a sign of insanity :^)

I'll end this message by firstly thanking you Chris for giving me this
opportunity to share my thoughts on the subject of anger and
resentments and then saying:

"I don't think that I could ever live free of anger. Therefore I
ought to continue doing is whatever I think will make it possible for
me to continue to not let anger control my life to the extent that it
once did.

ATB

JB

>From: "JB" JBCatRB@coldman.com
>Newsgroups: alt.recovery.addiction.alcoholism
>Date: Thu, 7 Oct 2004 11:44:03 +0100
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>
>
>In the thread: "I am developing resentments to many AA members",
>Chris wrote:
>
>"macster" <macsterx@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>news:061020041437555912%macsterx@hotmail.com...
>> An alcoholic has no place for anger or resentments and this outlet
>has
>> truely been a great release.
>>
>> -Chris
>
>I find it impossible to believe that alcoholics can live free of
>anger. To be able to do so, would mean them achieving something that
>even Jesus couldn't :^)
>
>http://www.rationalchristianity.net/jesus_angry.html
>
>At this website: http://www.jesussaves.cc/anger.htm it's suggested
>that anger becomes a problem only when it is uncontrolled and
>reacted to in the wrong way.
>
>We discussed anger and resentments at the AA meeting I went to
>yesterday. It is a frequently discussed subject :^)
>
>I have never had trouble finding someone or something to be angry at
>:^) In the past often when I became angry, rarely could I deal with
>it by feeling angry for only a short time. Instead, I tended to
>frequently replay - sometimes many times a day for days on end -
>whatever it was that had made me mad and by so doing kept
>my anger going. Sometimes, I could have anger caused by different
>events on the go at the same time :^) Sometimes, weeks later, when
>some new event had got me angry, if it involved people for example who
>had previously made me angry, I could again relive the earlier events
>in which they had been involved and again live the anger that past
>event had caused me to feel.
>
>When I was drinking, I could - and often did - use alcohol to try to
>shut down my mind in order to get a break from feeling angry.
>Unfortunately, when the effects of the alcohol wore of, often, the
>break was over.
>
>Since being in recovery, anger no longer has as much control over my
>life as it once did. This is because I have learnt new ways of
>dealing with what may be an inherent (?) aspect of human nature.
>
>These days, sometimes, when I'm in a situation that I could respond
>angrily to, instead of getting immediately angry, I'll say sometimes
>out loud: "OK HP, I see you've decided to see how far you can push me
>today. No probs. I'm up to the challenge :^)". Or, I'll say "OK
>HP, please give me the strength to get through this" and then I'll
>take further steps which I know from experience could have the effect
>of either immediately calming me down or gradually calming me down.
>
>Sometimes, my anger controls me for a little while, sometimes at
>inappropriate moments :^) For example, I can get angry with my old
>cat Thalia for messing on the carpet even though I know that she is
>not doing this simply to annoy me but because she is ill. Similarly,
>I can angry with my husband when he genuinely *needs* attention at the
>same time that I'm doing something for myself, which, may not be
>something that I *need* to do at that moment and therefore could
>easily put off doing. What I've just said reminds me that I ought to
>continue trying to not let my anger come out in situations that I
>believe are inappropriate ones for it to be on display. For it to be
>on display at such times is, maybe, a sign of insanity :^)
>
>I'll end this message by firstly thanking you Chris for giving me this
>opportunity to share my thoughts on the subject of anger and
>resentments and then saying:
>
>"I don't think that I could ever live free of anger. Therefore I
>ought to continue doing is whatever I think will make it possible for
>me to continue to not let anger control my life to the extent that it
>once did.
>
>ATB
>
>JB
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

For the average healthy person, anger is a normal and acceptable emotion, and
an important one. But I suppose that is only applicable to people who are not
anger addicts and those who have not learned that anger is the only acceptable
form of expression in their dysfunctional homes.

ANGER ADDICTION
http://www.atthefence.com/MAY2004/rage.htm

BUSTING WITH ANGER
http://members.ozemail.com.au/~dicknet/aboutanger.html

"Soulwhisper7" <soulwhisper7@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20041007074028.21613.00001837@mb-m10.aol.com...
> >From: "JB" JBCatRB@coldman.com
> >"I don't think that I could ever live free of anger. Therefore I
> >ought to continue doing is whatever I think will make it possible
for
> >me to continue to not let anger control my life to the extent that
it
> >once did.
> >
> >ATB
> >
> >JB
>
> For the average healthy person, anger is a normal and acceptable
emotion, and
> an important one. But I suppose that is only applicable to people
who are not
> anger addicts and those who have not learned that anger is the only
acceptable
> form of expression in their dysfunctional homes.
>
Your reply has made me think that instead of saying "I don't think
that I could ever live free of anger", I should have said "I don't
think that I could ever be free of having the capacity to feel anger".
I think that a more truthful statement.

ATB

JB

In article <ck3bvu$bgi$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk>, JB
<JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote:

> "Soulwhisper7" <soulwhisper7@aol.com> wrote in message
> news:20041007074028.21613.00001837@mb-m10.aol.com...
> > >From: "JB" JBCatRB@coldman.com
> > >"I don't think that I could ever live free of anger. Therefore I
> > >ought to continue doing is whatever I think will make it possible
> for
> > >me to continue to not let anger control my life to the extent that
> it
> > >once did.
> > >
> > >ATB
> > >
> > >JB
> >
> > For the average healthy person, anger is a normal and acceptable
> emotion, and
> > an important one. But I suppose that is only applicable to people
> who are not
> > anger addicts and those who have not learned that anger is the only
> acceptable
> > form of expression in their dysfunctional homes.
> >
> Your reply has made me think that instead of saying "I don't think
> that I could ever live free of anger", I should have said "I don't
> think that I could ever be free of having the capacity to feel anger".
> I think that a more truthful statement.
>
> ATB
>
> JB
>
>


Damnit that makes me angry. lol I am so new to this program that I am
still trying to grasp the basics. I have no sponser and I have no
prospects. I am wound up pretty tight in many aspects of my life.
Emotionally I am still numb, anger the exception. I feel mostly
negative emotions. I rarely feel joy or love. I even find myself
frustrated with my 3 year old son because he acts 3. I quickly
understand I am misplacing other frustrations still I feel them and I
have to focus to redirect them. One of the things that made me seek
help for my drinking was one of the last days of my drinking I was
sweeping the sidewalk out front of the shop. There was an older man
putting money in the parking meter. He turned around looked me
straight in the eye and proceeded to bury his shoulder into my chest
damn near flooring me. I rebounded and turned around and pushed him.
I almost swung on him but I did not. He turned around and appologized.
It seems since his stroke his foot sometimes does not go when comanded
and by bumping into me I likely broke his fall. I fely like crap. Had
I hit the fellow I undoubltedly would have broke him. He was very old.
He talked to me for many minutes about a number of different things
over the course of the next several minutes. All the time apologizing
for the bump. The more he talked the more I sunk into the sidewalk
with shame. Here was a man that was close to a cripple physcically and
I thought better to kick his ass. My mother did not raise me that way.
I respect my elders not beat on them. And this man I felt such false
anger toward took several minutes out of his life to talk to me of many
things sharing his wisdom and actually getting a smile out of this
bitter drunk.

I reflected on that heavily over the next several days. I told a
few of the incident trying to get it out of my head. It made me
realize to what point I had let my brain marinate in the good old
juice. I was almost without compasion and had it not been for this
incident I may not have even realzed to what point I had progressed
inmy drinking. I started to think back on other incidents where I had
had conflict over the last several months. I started to realize my
part in it. I was the catalyst more often than not.

The anger and resentment I am feeling toward the members in my rooms
is in no way relative to my previous rage. I do not feel any physical
symtoms of anger i.e. the fight oir flight syndrom. I do however feel
many of them need to look again at themselvbes before passing judgement
on others. Ironic that I am judging them in the same breath that I am
telling them not to judge others. hmmmm......... I better re think
this. After all it is what us alcoholics do best. Think. Thank you
all for your advice and i am happy to have found this outlet

-Chris

>Subject: Re: Anger and Resentments
>Date: Thu, 07 Oct 2004 11:37:19 -0700
>From: macster macsterx@hotmail.com
>Newsgroups: alt.recovery.addiction.alcoholism


<snip>

>
>
>Damnit that makes me angry. lol I am so new to this program that I am
>still trying to grasp the basics. I have no sponser and I have no
>prospects. I am wound up pretty tight in many aspects of my life.
>Emotionally I am still numb, anger the exception. I feel mostly
>negative emotions. I rarely feel joy or love. I even find myself
>frustrated with my 3 year old son because he acts 3. I quickly
>understand I am misplacing other frustrations still I feel them and I
>have to focus to redirect them.


Chris,
There is so much about what you wrote here that moved me. Part of the
reason your emotions are so sharp and negative is because you have spent lots
of time numbing all your true ability to feel. When you begin recovery it is as
if you are just getting to know yourself, and how you feel and why... is all
part of that. Give it time and keep up the consciousness, it will all become
clear in the end.




>One of the things that made me seek
>help for my drinking was one of the last >days of my drinking I was
>sweeping the sidewalk out front of the >shop. There was an older man
>putting money in the parking meter. He turned around looked me
>straight in the eye and proceeded to bury his shoulder into my chest
>damn near flooring me. I rebounded and turned around and pushed him.
>I almost swung on him but I did not. He turned around and appologized.
>It seems since his stroke his foot sometimes does not go when comanded
>and by bumping into me I likely broke his fall. I fely like crap. Had
>I hit the fellow I undoubltedly would have >broke him. He was very old.
>He talked to me for many minutes about >a number of different things
>over the course of the next several >minutes. All the time apologizing
>for the bump. The more he talked the >more I sunk into the sidewalk
>with shame.


Have you considered that it was your destiny to meet this man, that he is your
saving grace?



>Here was a man that was >close to a >cripple physcically and
>I thought better to kick his ass. My >mother did not raise me that way.
>I respect my elders not beat on them. And this man I felt such false
>anger toward took several minutes out of his life to talk to me of many
>things sharing his wisdom and actually getting a smile out of this
>bitter drunk.


That bitter drunk was drowning in self loathing and he was angry with himself
perhaps?



>
> I reflected on that heavily over the next several days. I told a
>few of the incident trying to get it out of my head. It made me
>realize to what point I had let my brain marinate in the good old
>juice. I was almost without compasion and had it not been for this
>incident I may not have even realzed to what point I had progressed
>inmy drinking.


Was this old man an angel in disguise?



>I started to think back on other incidents >where I had
>had conflict over the last several months. >I started to realize my
>part in it. I was the catalyst more often than not.



Excellent self inventory!


>
> The anger and resentment I am feeling toward the members in my rooms
>is in no way relative to my previous rage. I do not feel any physical
>symtoms of anger i.e. the fight oir flight syndrom. I do however feel
>many of them need to look again at themselvbes before passing judgement
>on others. Ironic that I am judging them in the same breath that I am
>telling them not to judge others. hmmmm......... I better re think
>this. After all it is what us alcoholics do best. Think. Thank you
>all for your advice and i am happy to have found this outlet
>
>-Chris



I think you are someone who has a wonderful conscience and even though I just
happened upon this ng. I can see your earnest striving to overcome and be the
best man you can be. Bravo!


soulwhisper

"macster" <macsterx@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:071020041137193386%macsterx@hotmail.com...
> In article <ck3bvu$bgi$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk>, JB
> <JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote:
>
> > "Soulwhisper7" <soulwhisper7@aol.com> wrote in message
> > news:20041007074028.21613.00001837@mb-m10.aol.com...
> > > >From: "JB" JBCatRB@coldman.com
> > > >"I don't think that I could ever live free of anger. Therefore
I
> > > >ought to continue doing is whatever I think will make it
possible
> > for
> > > >me to continue to not let anger control my life to the extent
that
> > it
> > > >once did.
> > > >
> > > >ATB
> > > >
> > > >JB
> > >
> > > For the average healthy person, anger is a normal and acceptable
> > emotion, and
> > > an important one. But I suppose that is only applicable to
people
> > who are not
> > > anger addicts and those who have not learned that anger is the
only
> > acceptable
> > > form of expression in their dysfunctional homes.
> > >
> > Your reply has made me think that instead of saying "I don't think
> > that I could ever live free of anger", I should have said "I don't
> > think that I could ever be free of having the capacity to feel
anger".
> > I think that a more truthful statement.
> >
> > ATB
> >
> > JB
> >
> >
>
>
> Damnit that makes me angry. lol I am so new to this program that I
am
> still trying to grasp the basics.

<snip>

Dear Chris,

In my early sobriety often I used to get mad at myself when I thought
that I wasn't "getting it" as quickly as I wanted to be able to. By
"getting it" I mean understanding and living by AA's 12 Step programme
and also such wisdom as "keep it in the day" and "accept the things
you cannot change". Eventually I thought it a good idea to stop
beating myself up about this :^) By continuing to regularly read the
BB - in the order that it was written; listen to my BB study tapes;
post here and read messages posted here; read other AA literature and
go once or twice a week to AA meetings, gradually and seemingly
without any effort on my part, I have begun to "get it" :^)

As I continue to try to recover from my alcoholism, probably one day,
I'll find myself, again seemingly without effort on my part, able and
willing to do with ease things which it's been suggested are part of
the recovery process that I don't yet see as being possible for me to
do. I have in mind, being less selfish and making proper amends to
certain people :^) In the meantime, am I going to worry about when
these events might take place ? Only if I want to and am prepared to
accept the consequences :^)

ATB

JB

"JB" <JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote in message
news:ck45o0$724$1@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Dear Chris,

<snip>

> As I continue to try to recover from my alcoholism, probably one
day,
> I'll find myself, again seemingly without effort on my part, able
and
> willing to do with ease things which it's been suggested are part of
> the recovery process that I don't yet see as being possible for me
to
> do. I have in mind, being less selfish and making proper amends to
> certain people :^) In the meantime, am I going to worry about
when
> these events might take place ? Only if I want to and am prepared
to
> accept the consequences :^)
>
> ATB
>
> JB
>
PS: Whatever progress I have made towards recovering from my
alcoholism is the result of changes in my personality/outlook on
life - ie psychic changes. Had *I* tried to bring these changes about
I would not have been able to do so because I lack the power that
would be needed to alter the way my mind works. Therefore, I have no
difficulty believing that these changes in me are the work of a power
that is greater than myself.

JB

I better re think
: this. After all it is what us alcoholics do best. Think. Thank
you
: all for your advice and i am happy to have found this outlet
:
: -Chris


chris,
thanks for all the sharing that you are doing..................it is
refreshing!
i give you permission "to think" ONLY if you will be good to
yourself!


--
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED?
http://www.ac.wwu.edu/~stephan/USfatalities.html
NO DRAFT!
http://petition.democracyforamerica.com/page/p/nodraft





"macster" <macsterx@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:071020041137193386%macsterx@hotmail.com...
: In article <ck3bvu$bgi$1@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk>, JB
: <JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote:
:
: > "Soulwhisper7" <soulwhisper7@aol.com> wrote in message
: > news:20041007074028.21613.00001837@mb-m10.aol.com...
: > > >From: "JB" JBCatRB@coldman.com
: > > >"I don't think that I could ever live free of anger.
Therefore I
: > > >ought to continue doing is whatever I think will make it
possible
: > for
: > > >me to continue to not let anger control my life to the extent
that
: > it
: > > >once did.
: > > >
: > > >ATB
: > > >
: > > >JB
: > >
: > > For the average healthy person, anger is a normal and
acceptable
: > emotion, and
: > > an important one. But I suppose that is only applicable to
people
: > who are not
: > > anger addicts and those who have not learned that anger is the
only
: > acceptable
: > > form of expression in their dysfunctional homes.
: > >
: > Your reply has made me think that instead of saying "I don't
think
: > that I could ever live free of anger", I should have said "I
don't
: > think that I could ever be free of having the capacity to feel
anger".
: > I think that a more truthful statement.
: >
: > ATB
: >
: > JB
: >
: >
:
:
: Damnit that makes me angry. lol I am so new to this program that
I am
: still trying to grasp the basics. I have no sponser and I have no
: prospects. I am wound up pretty tight in many aspects of my life.
: Emotionally I am still numb, anger the exception. I feel mostly
: negative emotions. I rarely feel joy or love. I even find myself
: frustrated with my 3 year old son because he acts 3. I quickly
: understand I am misplacing other frustrations still I feel them
and I
: have to focus to redirect them. One of the things that made me
seek
: help for my drinking was one of the last days of my drinking I was
: sweeping the sidewalk out front of the shop. There was an older
man
: putting money in the parking meter. He turned around looked me
: straight in the eye and proceeded to bury his shoulder into my
chest
: damn near flooring me. I rebounded and turned around and pushed
him.
: I almost swung on him but I did not. He turned around and
appologized.
: It seems since his stroke his foot sometimes does not go when
comanded
: and by bumping into me I likely broke his fall. I fely like crap.
Had
: I hit the fellow I undoubltedly would have broke him. He was very
old.
: He talked to me for many minutes about a number of different
things
: over the course of the next several minutes. All the time
apologizing
: for the bump. The more he talked the more I sunk into the
sidewalk
: with shame. Here was a man that was close to a cripple
physcically and
: I thought better to kick his ass. My mother did not raise me that
way.
: I respect my elders not beat on them. And this man I felt such
false
: anger toward took several minutes out of his life to talk to me of
many
: things sharing his wisdom and actually getting a smile out of this
: bitter drunk.
:
: I reflected on that heavily over the next several days. I told
a
: few of the incident trying to get it out of my head. It made me
: realize to what point I had let my brain marinate in the good old
: juice. I was almost without compasion and had it not been for
this
: incident I may not have even realzed to what point I had
progressed
: inmy drinking. I started to think back on other incidents where I
had
: had conflict over the last several months. I started to realize
my
: part in it. I was the catalyst more often than not.
:
: The anger and resentment I am feeling toward the members in my
rooms
: is in no way relative to my previous rage. I do not feel any
physical
: symtoms of anger i.e. the fight oir flight syndrom. I do however
feel
: many of them need to look again at themselvbes before passing
judgement
: on others. Ironic that I am judging them in the same breath that
I am
: telling them not to judge others. hmmmm......... I better re think
: this. After all it is what us alcoholics do best. Think. Thank
you
: all for your advice and i am happy to have found this outlet
:
: -Chris

Anger or resentment has never really been part of my life. In the last 20
years or so, I can honestly say that I've never lost my temper. I get
frustrated every now and again, but nothing unusual and I wouldn't let it
cloud my judgement. The worst I'll get is cursing under my breath when my
Internet connection dies.

Resentment is not something I hold much either. The only person I've ever
held responsible for my drinking is myself. In general, my alcoholism
baffles me. When I'm drinking, I'm powerless over alcohol. But, when I'm
sober, it doesn't bother me too much. I've no idea what sparked off my
drinking bout earlier this year. I was feeling physically low and perhaps
started drinking to feel better. Pretty poor excuse really. I guess that's
why I'm an alcoholic.

--
J



JB wrote:
> In the thread: "I am developing resentments to many AA members",
> Chris wrote:
>
> "macster" <macsterx@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:061020041437555912%macsterx@hotmail.com...
>> An alcoholic has no place for anger or resentments and this outlet
>> has truely been a great release.
>>
>> -Chris

"macster" <macsterx@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:071020041137193386%macsterx@hotmail.com...
I have no sponser

Dear Chris,

At this web site: www.e-aa.org you might be able to find a Sponsor who
could act as your Sponsor for as long as you both think it's a good
idea for him/her to be it.

FWIW, I found my Sponsor not through attending f2f AA meetings but
rather through this NG.

ATB

JB