The head of the house ought to remember that he is mainly to blame for
what befell his home. He can scarcely square the account in his
lifetime. But he must see the danger of over- concentration on
financial success. Although financial recovery is on the way for many
of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material
well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.

Since the home has suffered more than anything else, it is well that a
man exert himself there. He is not likely to get far in any direction
if he fails to show unselfishness and love under his own roof. We know
there are difficult wives and families, but the man who is getting
over alcoholism must remember he did much to make them so.

As each member of a resentful family begins to see his shortcomings
and admits them to the others, he lays a basis for helpful discussion.
These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on
without heated argument, self-pity, self- justification or resentful
criticism. Little by little, mother and children will see they ask too
much, and father will see he gives too little. Giving, rather than
getting, will become the guiding principle.

Assume on the other hand that father has, at the outset, a stirring
spiritual experience. Overnight, as it were, he is a different man. He
becomes a religious enthusiast. He is unable to focus on anything
else. As soon as his sobriety begins to be taken as a matter of
course, the family may look at their strange new dad with
apprehension, then with irritation. There is talk about spiritual
matters morning, noon and night. He may demand that the family find
God in a hurry, or exhibit amazing indifference to them and say he is
above worldly considerations. He may tell mother, who has been
religious all her life, that she doesn't know what it's all about, and
that she had better get his brand of spirituality while there is yet
time.

When father takes this tack, the family may react unfavorably. The may
be jealous of a God who has stolen dad's affections. While grateful
that he drinks no more, they may not like the idea that God has
accomplished the miracle where they failed. They often forget father
was beyond human aid. They may not see why their love and devotion did
not straighten him out. Dad is not so spiritual after all, they say.
If he means to right his past wrongs, why all this concern for
everyone in the world but his family? What about his talk that God
will take care of them? They suspect father is a bit balmy!

He is not so unbalanced as they might think. Many of us have
experienced dad's elation. We have indulged in spiritual intoxication.
Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the ounce of food, our
pick struck gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration
knew no bounds. Father feels he has struck something better than gold.
For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not
see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will
pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists
on giving away the entire product.

If the family cooperates, dad will soon see that he is suffering from
a distortion of values. He will perceive that his spiritual growth is
lopsided, that for an average man like himself, a spiritual life which
does not include his family obligations may not be so perfect after
all. If the family will appreciated that dad's current behavior is but
a phase of his development, all will be well. In the midst of an
understanding and sympathetic family, these vagaries of dad's
spiritual infancy will quickly disappear.

The opposite may happen should the family condemn and criticize. Dad
may feel that for years his drinking has placed him on the wrong side
of every argument, but that now he has become a superior person with
God on his side. If the family persists in criticism, this fallacy may
take a still greater hold on father. Instead of treating the family as
he should, he may retreat further into himself and feel he has
spiritual justification for so doing.

Though the family does not fully agree with dad's spiritual
activities, they should let him have his head. Even if he displays a
certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it
is well to let him go as far as he like in helping other alcoholics.
During those first days of convalescence, this will do more to insure
his sobriety than anything else. Though some of his manifestations are
alarming and disagreeable, we think dad will be on a firmer foundation
than the man who is placing business or professional success ahead of
spiritual development. He will be less likely to drink again, and
anything is preferable to that.