http://www.ola-is.org/


"Nora Jones" <MayaASO@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:8308-3F00E0D5-67@storefull-2158.public.lawson.webtv.net...
MayaASO@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:3772-3EFF81C0-114@storefull-2152.public.lawson.webtv.net...
Hello,
I have been reading in this NG for several months now trying to gain a
perspective on My SO alcoholism. He was in treatment for six months,
relapsed, binged drinking and is now in "controlled drinking" at this
time. He always "talks" about getting back into treatment, but, to date
has done nothing. Since his relapse he has alienated himself from me
even more..becomes defensive anytime the subject of his alcoholism comes
up and his lack of action to bring himself to honesty about what he
needs to do.
My intention here is to thank the above mentioned people for there
candor and how it has helped me to gain a better understanding of the
alcoholic mindset. The lack of "willingness" on the part of my SO I now
know is the issue. Someone mentioned that in here and it really stuck a
cord with me. Willingness and honesty with oneself seems to be at the
real core of the issue in seeking help and breaking thru the denial. I
don't know how many non-A's travel thru here..but, I'm sure that I am
not the only one to have gained insight to alcoholism. Again, thank you
all for your honesty and ability to get to the the real core of the
issue without all of the "fluff"
Nora


Pain is the only motivator most alcoholics understand. When the pain
gets bad enough, he'll then become willing to do whatever it takes to
make the pain go away. As long as the consequences of his drinking
aren't "that bad"...he'll likely continue until he hits a worse bottom
than his previous bottom. And so on and so on.
Maybe he'll be lucky and his next bottom won't take him to more
institutionalization or incarceration or even death. Maybe "just" losing
his wife and kids or maybe his job will be consequences enough.
Unfortunately, only "he" knows how much suffering he can withstand.
Good luck...and have you tried some AlaNon meetings?
Oh, keep us posted on what is happening? ;>)

Thank you for your response, Moonraker. Pain is the motivator..and I am
sure that you are right. Apparently his pain is not that painful..he is
getting by with a job, house, etc intact...imo, not living only
existing..a isolated existance at that.
Have not gone to AlaNon yet..but, am looking into meetings and I
certainly think they can be of help or at the very least I won't know if
I don't try them out and give them a fair chance. Yes, I believe that I
will need support as I am finding this extremely difficult to deal
with..too much dishonesty and hurt for me. I believe that I need to
make that break from him, not at all healthy for me..not at all. And
even tho I know he cares, etc...in my heart of heart if I left today or
tomorrow I truly believe that there would be a part of him that would
feel relief in having "one less thing to worry about, one less stress,
one less thing to "deal with".

Nora