You bet it can ruin a long marriage. Alcoholism ruined my
relationship/marriage of 20 years to a man who was once a loving,
caring, vibrant human being. Now he's a husk of what he once was,
living in a homeless shelter because he got up to drinking a quart of
vodka a day on top of his medications for bipolar disorder. He was
out of work, unable to hold a hold for more than a couple of weeks,
and was becoming violent when he drank on his medications. The last
straw happened in October 2007; he tried to get violent with me again,
I called the police again, and that was it. He went away to jail for
domestic assault AGAIN and I came to my senses FINALLY.

You ask what can be done? Well, let me be blunt: NOTHING CAN BE DONE
ABOUT YOUR WIFE'S DRINKING UNLESS SHE SEEKS HELP HERSELF AND WANTS TO
BE SOBER. That's it, pure and simple. There is NOTHING you can do to
make her stop drinking, NOTHING. Believe me, I know. I tried
everything, the county we lived in civilly committed my husband for a
full year for treatment where he was told if he didn't get sober and
stay sober, he'd die within a couple of years, I am in the process of
ending our marriage, AND NONE OF IT WORKED. I've heard through other
that he still continued drinking after he got out of jail for the last
domestic abuse charge; he can't come home because I now have a year
long order of protection in place against him that prohibits contact
between us unless a police officer is present.

All you can do is make decisions for yourself, about what you are
willing to live with, how far you're willing to go with her down her
path of self-destruction. That's it. I suggest you find an Al-Anon
group in your area, this is a great program for people who know and
love alcoholics and it can give you the tools you'll need to cope with
your life and the decisions you need to make.

Good luck and blessings to you and your wife.

On Sat, 09 Feb 2008 18:21:43 -0800, Hank <noguru@yahoo.com> wrote:

>Married 36 years, wife was active and healthy. In last
>couple of years she's slid into heavy drinking late at
>night, when I'm asleep. She'll then nap during the day.
>There is no risk of driving drunk, and with others she's
>sober. She doesn't seem depressed, and still manages the
>family's real estate competently.
>
>We have had no conflict about it. Her comment: "Yes, I
>sometimes drink too much." On a three week cruise she
>drank very little, but once we returned home she was
>back on schedule. Three hours of heavy drinking from
>1-4AM, sleeping from 1-4PM, then up to make dinner. A
>crazy schedule, difficult life, and I feel terrible
>about it.
>
>I have no idea as to what might be done. She doesn't see
>a need to do anything at all. We love and respect each
>other, but this can ruin a long marriage.
>
>???

Kim/Dreamspinner3
Parrot Nannies of Minnesota Inc:
http://parrotnanniesmn.com/
Personal Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/