rock@wilemail.com wrote:
> On Wed, 10 Oct 2007 11:26:26 -0000, skylashai@gmail.com wrote:
>
>> I've been drinking for a while, about 16 years. God, is feels
>> revolting just typing that, I never thought of it this way before.
>> Anyway, I have this pattern that happens over and over. I am sober
>> during the week, when I work, then on the weekends I binge. I'll
>> drink a bunch, eat, go to sleep, wake up and start drinking again.
>> Like clockwork.
>> I have a great job, I'm a graphic designer. The thing is, I work 32
>> hours per week and then do freelance on the side. It's so easy to
>> drink while doing freelance work from home, like a little party. And
>> since I have three days off in a row, even if I don't drink on what is
>> my Friday night, I'll convince myself that I'm OK and that i can go
>> ahead and drink the next day.
>> I always know what the result will be. Misery. I do it anyway. My
>> family knows about this, so does my doctor. A few years back I had go
>> to the ER in an ambulance for delirium tremens after I tried to quit.
>> At that point I had switched from beer to the so-called devil's rum.
>> I mixed it with coke (the soft drink, not the drug), and to this day
>> when I drink a straight coke I can almost smell the rum in it from the
>> past, that's how bad I got. This was right after September 11 2001, I
>> had not eaten in seven days, consumed nothing but rum. Needless to
>> say, that day in the ER was, without question, the most horrific day
>> of my life. I thought I was going to die and I was terrified. Blood
>> tests and an EKG revealed no health problems. Lucky guy, right?
>> I told my mom I was thinking about becoming a Christian. She said
>> that was great, but I haven't been to church yet, although I have
>> started reading the Bible. You know those little copies that people
>> hand out at universities, I moved recently and found a really old one
>> at the bottom of a box. I used to have great disdain for religion but
>> for some reason, years ago, I kept that Bible. It's next to my bed
>> now, sometimes I even take it with me to work. My mom once told me
>> that if you turn your back on God he also turns his back on you and
>> you become nothing. It's just silly mythology, right? As it turns
>> out, those were the most true words ever spoken to me.
>> I ceaselessly wonder how somebody who has control over everything
>> else in life cannot say no to alcohol. I've told myself, week after
>> week, I'm not going to sign online and talk to my friend, who is a
>> great guy but another big drinker. And each Saturday, right at the
>> very end, the phone rings and I say yes. And, like clockwork, I tell
>> myself I'll only have a couple beers and go home and then, you already
>> know this, it's only the start of another binge.
>> I hate alcohol. I don't need it in my life, don't want it. My
>> doctor told me I was self-medicating for mild anxiety. I read a lot
>> and I know how dangerous it is, how it works, how insidious it is. I
>> have tried AA twice and left very quickly. I decided I needed help
>> but the people at AA were smoking, and around their babies. This was
>> the most backwards thing I have ever seen aside from when I look into
>> the mirror. People are trying to save themselves from alcoholism and
>> they are smoking? The second time, somebody tried to arrange a
>> sponsor for me. So, I'm speaking with this man on the phone, and you
>> know, he was kind of a jerk. I never called him back. It just made
>> me feel like I should not be trying to rely on somebody else to solve
>> this for me. I know how bad it is and it's my responsibility to end
>> it.
>> Especially after the nightmare I experienced with DT, it is
>> astonishing that I would even go near alcohol. I have considered
>> stopping talking to my friend, whom I mentioned earlier, but I am
>> afraid of hurting his feelings. We've known each other for 16 years,
>> been best friends. Maybe it's no small coincidence that 16 years is
>> also the time I have had a drinking problem. But I can't blame him or
>> anybody else.
>> The only solace I have found is in the last place I looked, which is
>> in faith and God. I spent part of my evening last night reading the
>> various posts on this group and the stories I read sound so familiar,
>> it's eerie.
>> Some people can have a drink now and then. I can't. I have applied
>> to volunteer at a hospital, and told my mom I am available for her
>> church when they go out and help people. I'm afraid that no matter
>> what I do, this can come back and nail me at any given time. It's
>> scary. I can be sober for over a year and I know I'll always be at
>> risk. Both of my dad's parents died from it, which pretty clearly
>> shows I am genetically predisposed to this affliction.
>> Curse this disease. Thank you for listening.
>>
>
> What fool told you you have a disease? Don't worry, you're probably
> just an ass who's picked up a bad habit that a little minor lifestyle
> alteration will likely solve, which is the overwhelming preponderance
> of what passes for 'alcoholism' these days... Which is okay because
> then you can just do time in some ra ra born again clinique du jour,
> like meetings or whatever, axe your lifelong friends, avoid anything
> that's any fun, maintain your self mirage and go about your business.
>
> Whereas an alcoholic, on the other hand, after trying all those other
> cures that are so loudly touted as beneficial (to nonalcoholics), in
> order to find something substantial by which he might live, might
> actually have to face his drunkass panicked self, learn hard despite
> his better sense the meaning of true tolerance and good will toward
> others through endless labor and self-sacrifice, or sign his own death
> warrant.
>
> But you could probly just get some pills.
>
>
> --
> --------------------------------- --- -- -
> Posted with NewsLeecher v3.9 Beta 2
> Web @ http://www.newsleecher.com/?usenet
> ------------------- ----- ---- -- -
>
The non-alcoholic will never
understand the alcoholic, which is
why it takes one drunk talking to
another drunk.