On Wed, 10 Oct 2007 11:26:26 -0000, skylashai@gmail.com wrote:

>I've been drinking for a while, about 16 years. God, is feels
>revolting just typing that, I never thought of it this way before.
>Anyway, I have this pattern that happens over and over. I am sober
>during the week, when I work, then on the weekends I binge. I'll
>drink a bunch, eat, go to sleep, wake up and start drinking again.
>Like clockwork.
> I have a great job, I'm a graphic designer. The thing is, I work 32
>hours per week and then do freelance on the side. It's so easy to
>drink while doing freelance work from home, like a little party. And
>since I have three days off in a row, even if I don't drink on what is
>my Friday night, I'll convince myself that I'm OK and that i can go
>ahead and drink the next day.
> I always know what the result will be. Misery. I do it anyway. My
>family knows about this, so does my doctor. A few years back I had go
>to the ER in an ambulance for delirium tremens after I tried to quit.
>At that point I had switched from beer to the so-called devil's rum.
>I mixed it with coke (the soft drink, not the drug), and to this day
>when I drink a straight coke I can almost smell the rum in it from the
>past, that's how bad I got. This was right after September 11 2001, I
>had not eaten in seven days, consumed nothing but rum. Needless to
>say, that day in the ER was, without question, the most horrific day
>of my life. I thought I was going to die and I was terrified. Blood
>tests and an EKG revealed no health problems. Lucky guy, right?
> I told my mom I was thinking about becoming a Christian. She said
>that was great, but I haven't been to church yet, although I have
>started reading the Bible. You know those little copies that people
>hand out at universities, I moved recently and found a really old one
>at the bottom of a box. I used to have great disdain for religion but
>for some reason, years ago, I kept that Bible. It's next to my bed
>now, sometimes I even take it with me to work. My mom once told me
>that if you turn your back on God he also turns his back on you and
>you become nothing. It's just silly mythology, right? As it turns
>out, those were the most true words ever spoken to me.
> I ceaselessly wonder how somebody who has control over everything
>else in life cannot say no to alcohol. I've told myself, week after
>week, I'm not going to sign online and talk to my friend, who is a
>great guy but another big drinker. And each Saturday, right at the
>very end, the phone rings and I say yes. And, like clockwork, I tell
>myself I'll only have a couple beers and go home and then, you already
>know this, it's only the start of another binge.
> I hate alcohol. I don't need it in my life, don't want it. My
>doctor told me I was self-medicating for mild anxiety. I read a lot
>and I know how dangerous it is, how it works, how insidious it is. I
>have tried AA twice and left very quickly. I decided I needed help
>but the people at AA were smoking, and around their babies. This was
>the most backwards thing I have ever seen aside from when I look into
>the mirror. People are trying to save themselves from alcoholism and
>they are smoking? The second time, somebody tried to arrange a
>sponsor for me. So, I'm speaking with this man on the phone, and you
>know, he was kind of a jerk. I never called him back. It just made
>me feel like I should not be trying to rely on somebody else to solve
>this for me. I know how bad it is and it's my responsibility to end
>it.
> Especially after the nightmare I experienced with DT, it is
>astonishing that I would even go near alcohol. I have considered
>stopping talking to my friend, whom I mentioned earlier, but I am
>afraid of hurting his feelings. We've known each other for 16 years,
>been best friends. Maybe it's no small coincidence that 16 years is
>also the time I have had a drinking problem. But I can't blame him or
>anybody else.
> The only solace I have found is in the last place I looked, which is
>in faith and God. I spent part of my evening last night reading the
>various posts on this group and the stories I read sound so familiar,
>it's eerie.
> Some people can have a drink now and then. I can't. I have applied
>to volunteer at a hospital, and told my mom I am available for her
>church when they go out and help people. I'm afraid that no matter
>what I do, this can come back and nail me at any given time. It's
>scary. I can be sober for over a year and I know I'll always be at
>risk. Both of my dad's parents died from it, which pretty clearly
>shows I am genetically predisposed to this affliction.
> Curse this disease. Thank you for listening.
>

What fool told you you have a disease? Don't worry, you're probably
just an ass who's picked up a bad habit that a little minor lifestyle
alteration will likely solve, which is the overwhelming preponderance
of what passes for 'alcoholism' these days... Which is okay because
then you can just do time in some ra ra born again clinique du jour,
like meetings or whatever, axe your lifelong friends, avoid anything
that's any fun, maintain your self mirage and go about your business.

Whereas an alcoholic, on the other hand, after trying all those other
cures that are so loudly touted as beneficial (to nonalcoholics), in
order to find something substantial by which he might live, might
actually have to face his drunkass panicked self, learn hard despite
his better sense the meaning of true tolerance and good will toward
others through endless labor and self-sacrifice, or sign his own death
warrant.

But you could probly just get some pills.


--
--------------------------------- --- -- -
Posted with NewsLeecher v3.9 Beta 2
Web @ http://www.newsleecher.com/?usenet
------------------- ----- ---- -- -