Sheenah <JBcatRB@coldman.com> wrote in message
news:d9j6up$vik$1@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> "Today, I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism
> lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol
> will surely kill me if I fail to recognise and acknowledge my disease
> on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in
> which loss is a temporary setback. I am dealing with my disease, for
> which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance" - Daily
> Reflections, page 252 .
>
> Hello, Some of you already know me, For those who don't, my name is
> Sheenah. I am an alcoholic. I made my first attempt to quit drinking in
> the early 1990's. At this first attempt, my drinking had brought me to
> thinking my life no longer worth living. Night after night I would sit
> slumped on the floor in a darkened room in my house, sobbing my heart
> out, with a bottle of booze, all the anti-depressants that my doctor had
> for weeks been prescribing me (which I had stopped taking because I'd
> decided they didn't work) and a knife pressed against my wrist.
>
> Having decided to go on living, I followed my doctor's advice to join
> AA. At the end of the first meeting that I went to, someone said
> something to me that made me very angry. As a result, there and then, I
> decided that I wanted nothing more to do with those sanctimonious
> folk and stormed out of the room vowing never to go again to an AA
> meeting. At the same time, I decided that if I was going to overcome
> my" drinking problem" only I would be able to do this. I had this idea
> because I believed that no-one from whom I had previously sought help to
> overcome my drinking, had given me anything that worked. I have come to
> know that it wasn't their fault that what they did for me didn't work
> :^)
>
> After stopping drinking, by using willpower alone I was able to continue
> not drinking for almost 8 years. Often during this period, it was
> difficult for me not to drink. At such times I'd be restless, irritable,
> short-tempered, depressed and unable to concentrate on anything other
> than the thought that I must not drink. During those years I learnt
> nothing about alcoholism. Nor, did I come to think that in order to
> overcome my drinking problem, I needed to do more than just not drink
> :^)
>
> I decided to start drinking again after almost 8 years because I "knew"
> (haha) that the length of time I had been "sober" had proved that I was
> able to control my drinking "when I wanted to". Therefore, I was
> convinced that if I drank again, I'd find it easy to always be able to
> decide when to drink and when to stop. When I started drinking again,
> straight away, I had no control over it.
>
> When I started drinking again, I planned for my first night back to have
> only one glass of wine I began the evening with a large coffee mug of
> wine. When I went eventually to bed, I had drunk the best part of a full
> bottle of wine. I made a vow to not drink the next day. I
> broke that vow.
>
> Soon, my daily drinking was making me both mentally and physically ill.
> So I went to my doctor. I told him about my drinking and that I knew
> that I ought to stop. For several months I often told myself that I had
> to stop drinking while continuing to drink every day.
>
> Today, I have been not drinking for just over two years. In this time, I
> have come to know the value of AA information. That which I have taken
> on board has enabled me to understand why I cannot stay in control of my
> drinking and to come to know what I need to do in order to be able to
> stay off the booze and to have a life that is for me so much better for
> me than my past life.
>
> Today, I am grateful to be an alcoholic. I am grateful to be an
> alcoholic who finds that AA has been working for her :^)
>
> Sent with hopes that for us all today will be a day of joyful sobriety.
>
> Sheenah

Hey Sheenah, I couldn't help but notice your post came up at 3:08 am. Up
late reflecting on things?
Really good message for me. I took from it that we really need to change the
way we feel inside, to have contented sobriety.
One of the other posters commented on being free from obsessing over the
fear of alcohol, too. I think that's important, certainly for me.
The most help I received, I do sincerely believe, was listening to Joe and
Charlie discuss the nuts 'n bolts of the steps, especially steps four and
five, where we clean house and then allow a new way of thinking enter our
heads. I love the way they compared our minds to being just like a little
convenience store with limited shelving, and taking inventory of what's
sitting on those shelves. We find out why that inventory in sitting there,
how it came to get there, then get rid of the ones that cause us difficulty
'promptly and without regret'

Your post really described the results of doing so...Thanks

Stuart